Is there room in the Para/Crypto/Fortean world for a gun-toting, paranoid, bipolar, opinionated bastard? A lonely romantic in search of his lost soul? A knight, Samurai, gunslinger, born in the wrong century? A self-destructive, doom-driven survivor seeking redemption? A heavy drinking gonzo outlaw cryptozoologist whose ego is exceeded only by his libido?
No, there isn't. That's why I'm here...

28 November 2012

Manor-festation, or, Little Gummerfan Home At Last!

Hello again, folks! The last time I posted, I was in the midst of the nightmare known as house-hunting. At long last, after searching, missing out, searching some more, bids and counter-offers, inspections, re-inspections, dealing with a real jerk of a seller, loading and unloading,and so on and so on, I'm pleased to report the Gummerfan clan now has a new place to call home! We saw this property online during our first search, only to see the listing removed before we got a chance to check it out. So, after the deal on another house fell through, the property was listed again (at a reduced price, no less!) and we jumped on it. Okay, it wasn't the quickest deal in the history of real estate. As I said before, the seller turned out to be a real jerk and tried everything he could to either get out of the deal (he couldn't) or get us to back out (in the words of Burt Gummer himself, "I was born to hold out"!). So, I'm now a proud homeowner. The place is located just a couple of miles from the Bankhead National Forest, far enough from civilization to be safe from the initial waves of a zombie outbreak, but not too far from the nearest town. Got an inground pool, a 2.5 acre backyard, and some awesome views (see pics). The seller's final nosethumbing was deciding he didn't have to maintain the lawn or pool for the months leading up to closing, but thanks to some helpful neighbors, we got the place looking good in no time at a bargain price. Oh, yeah, neighbors. The neighbors are close enough to be of help when needed, but far enough away to insure privacy. The folks around here tend to mind their own business, but always available to lend a hand when needed. Nice! The house isn't a mansion or anything, but compared to our old digs it's downright palatial. :) 4 bedrooms, two bathrooms, a cozy comfy den, a formal (but not "stuffy") livingroom, big master suite, detached garage with upstairs recroom, even a barn. (gotta figure out a use for that!). Oh, and the previous owner tried to dig a bass pond on the back of the property, but apparently it refuses to hold water. I consider that a big plus, cuz now I have my own shooting range!! And now that we're far from the city, we've got a great view of the night sky. I got the wife out one of our first nights here to see, and she couldn't believe that there are always THAT many stars in the sky. Yeah, going through the whole ordeal was definitely worth it!

25 March 2012

Monster Hunting Is Easy, HOUSE Hunting Is Hard!

I know I haven't posted in a while, but I have been quite busy lately. I posted about getting into the Law Of Attraction (LOA) thing, and it's been quite an experience. I got an unexpected raise, we've had a new source of income open up, and I could go on and on.
My wife and I are currently in the market for a house. Seems simple, right? Find one you like at a price you can agree with and get ready to move. Well, given my particular (and somewhat peculiar) tastes and desires, locating the right house, or even a piece of land to build on, is a bit more complicated. :)
I found one with a great location, on the side of a mountain, on 12 acres of land with a spring-fed pond and a long-ass gated driveway. GREAT location to remain safe from zombies and looters, nice & private, with no close neighbors to complain about the incessant gunfire. Problem? The house itself is t-i-n-y. The wife wants a big kitchen, with marble or granite countertops and lots of room and cabinet space, so this particular stronghold is out. I do agree that the house is too small for our needs despite its great location.
We also looked at another place in the country with 8 acres, and a pool. Again, it was a pretty nice location, but the floorplan wasn't really right for us.(not to mention nearly every room and the garage would have to be repainted).
I've also found some farmsites, with lots of acerage, plenty of privacy, but with small run-down houses.
But, I MAY have found one. This house only has four acres, but it's well back off the road, and the neighbor is somebody I kind of know. I've run into him at a few gun shows, so that's a plus. The house itself was built to be tornado-proof, with tons of steel and concrete in the structure, a bunker-style full basement with its own seperate kitchen, bedrooms, and laundry room. This is in addition to the kitchen, bedrooms, and laundry room on the ground floor. We haven't been out to see it yet other than just driving up the driveway, so I can't really say if it's THE one or not.
I just wanted to let y'all know I haven't forgotten y'all! Don't know when I'll get back to posting (I've even got some ideas for another blog and maybe a book, but that'll have to wait!)
The hunt continues...

24 June 2011

The Bigger The Better!

As part of my new, positive approach, law of attraction thing, I started working on my Vision Board last night. I'm looking through magazines for pictures of things I want to have. I turned a page and came upon this... thing.

They're called Critter Gitters. (poetic, I know) the company's website is Apparently these behemoths are used on those big-ass "hunting ranches". You take a bunch of pampered, rich, city-dwelling wannabe hunters out on the ranch for a nice little canned hunt so they can shoot something and call themselves "hunters" and "outdoorsmen". In case you haven't picked up on it, I don't care much for this particular style of "hunting".
But, those huge vehicles ARE kinda neat. One might come in handy in case of a Graboid incursion, or maybe a Zombie apocalypse (provided you had plenty-o-fuel!) But when I'm rich and/or famous, I think I could find another use. Buy up a big chunk of remote property, get the Critter Gitter blinged out with a sound/video entertainment system, dance floor, some luxurious furnishings, and a wet bar. Drive a gang of friends out to the middle of nowhere and P-A-R-T-Y!!

11 June 2011

A Funny Thing Happened On The Path To Enlightenment...

Lately I've decided to look into some of my thoughts and theories a little more deeply. I've been pondering the possibilities that such things as monsters, "aliens", UFO's, as well as their folkoric counterparts may well be some form of "mental projection", meaning that the origins of these phenomena is actually inside our consciousness rather than "out there". Fortean researcher Nick Redfern postulates that the "celebrity cryptids" such as Bigfoot, Nessie, El Chupacabra, and others may in fact be "tulpas", or "thoughtforms made manifest". Since in so many cases of strange encounters it seems that the witnesses see what one would expect them to see (the ever-evolving UFO shapes from airships to saucers to triangles) as well as their apparent representations of cultural arechetypes (the dragon, the apeman, the giant flying creature), it does appear the the observers are in effect participants.
So, I started reading up on things like mind over matter, the power of visualization, and looking into theories of parallel universes and quantum physics. I was waiting on an order from Amazon last week, and one day I found myself with some time to kill. I decided to stroll around my local Books-A-Million and see what titles they may have. Some would call it synchronicity, an accident, a coincidence, while others insist there's really no such thing as synchronicities, accisednts, or coincidences. But a book title sort of jumped out me from from the rack. "Infinite Possibilities" by Mike Dooley. I wasn't expecting much, probably one of those "motivational" type things, but I picked it up and flipped through the pages. One italicised phrase appeared over and over again, "thoughts become things".
Okay, so I figured it might be worth a read since that seemed to go along with what I'm researching.
I know this sounds trite or cliche', but folks, that book has changed my life! By utilizing the principals in the book, backed up by what I'm learning from the scientific side (observation affects matter, the mutiple dimensions, the radical findings of the thought/matter/energy connection) I have experienced some incredible results after only a week or so! I find myself full of energy requiring less sleep, my attitude and mood have improved drastically, I've had unexpected money come into my life,(not a life-changing amount, but still...) I managed to get something I wanted at an incredibly low price, (miracle of miracles!) sex is even better, I could go on and on. This whole create your own reality thing appears to work!
I'm still reading and researching into this whole thing, but I've gotta say that I haven't been so into something in a long time!
But the big question is: will y'all still love me if I'm no longer an anger-and-angst filled bitter old curmudgeon? Yeah, of COURSE you will, because I want you to!

06 June 2011

Finding Bigfoot, And Leaving...

Yeah, I somehow managed to sit through last night's episode of "Matthew Moneymake Awesome Show Great Job", aka "Finding Bigfoot". (thanks in advance for the congratulations, lord knows it wasn't easy!)
I know it's early in the series' run, but I just gotta ask, "What's the POINT??!!" I mean, c'mon! Okay I'm willing to cut some slack to the GH, PS, GA (ugh...) crowd, because at least THEY have an "out"! Ghosts, you see, are ethereal, non-corporeal beings. Hauntings and associated phenomena, as well as UFOs and the majority of cryptid sightings are by their very nature, transcient phenomena. If a ghost doesn't want to communicate, if a spirit doesn't wish to "make its presence known", there's not a heck of a lot you can do about it. BUT, since $maker and company can apparently zero in on BF's location, if they can lure him out long enough to pose for a thermal blur, or if, miraculously by their very presence, they can "accidently" run across some "Holy Grail" tracks (from a BF with no left foot?), why do they LEAVE without , well, Finding Bigfoot?? Hell, if I ever ran across that kind of evidence, I like to see somebody try to get me out of there! Are they saving that for the finale or something?
I was also greatly surprised to learn the "fact" that the Swamp Ape's smell comes from its residing in abandoned alligator nests and soaking up methane!! Granted, I may not stay updated on the latest in Squatch news, but I had no idea that not only has it been proven that Swamp Apes exist in the first place, but apparently somebody's done Jane Goodall'ed them enough to study their nesting and grooming habits!
So far, my disappointment in this series is immeasurable. Why didn't $maker (aka "He Who Would Own BF") summon his minions, I mean, contact the local BSRO chapter, and scour the place if they had THAT much evidence the Big Guy was there?? Remeber the Great Jersy Devil Drive on Destination Truth?
Sure would have been a wiser use of his followers than convoying 'em all through the woods in their four-bys. (though I admit that rooftop thermal imager was a cool toy!)
I don't know if I'll watch FB again, maybe if there's one of those weekind marathon things. I already have the distinct impression that I'm not missing anything.

05 June 2011

This Is Just Weird...

You ever see something and think, "Y'know, I bet there's a story behind that!"? Ran across this scene today. Is it some kind of performance art? A form of protest? The fallout from a gang of angry Weight Watchers? A mysterious "sky fall'? (stranger things have happened!) Dropped by aliens? Your guess is as good as mine!