Is there room in the Para/Crypto/Fortean world for a gun-toting, paranoid, bipolar, opinionated bastard? A lonely romantic in search of his lost soul? A knight, Samurai, gunslinger, born in the wrong century? A self-destructive, doom-driven survivor seeking redemption? A heavy drinking gonzo outlaw cryptozoologist whose ego is exceeded only by his libido?
No, there isn't. That's why I'm here...

12 July 2008

"Alleged" Rabbits In My Yard

I've got rabbits in my yard. I don't expect any of you to believe me, since you haven't been here to witness them, and there's no real way I can prove it.
I supposed I COULD sit stakeout in my yard with the Saiga-12 until I manage to kill one and have its corpse examined and its DNA analyzed in order to scientifically verify my claim. But then I'd be curbstomped, castrated, skinned alive, and unceremoniously cremated while still kicking by the animal lovers as punishment for cruelly dispatching a non-aggressive creature and denying it its right to live long enough to reach its full potential.(IOW, to become roadkill or food for a predator).
So, no thanks, I won't be producing a corpse to satisfy the skeptics or placate the scientific community.
How about a hair sample? I've spent hours bellycrawling across the yard, powerful magnifying glass in hand, only to come up empty-handed (not to mention sweaty and dirty). The odds of finding a hair sample (not a hare sample, mind you)are worse than finding a needle in a haybale. (at least metal detectors would help with the needle!)
Haven't found any poop, either. (does that mean rabbits don't exist in my yard, or just that they don't poop there?)
I have found a few tracks, but tracks don't prove anything, they're easily faked.
Photographic evidence is just as suspect. Especially nowadays. The Believers might see a rabbit. The skeptics would see a blobbit, or a rat in a rabbit suit, or just a trick of light and shadow. So, nope, future rabbit researchers won't have to worry about years of debate over the veracity of "The Gummerfan Film", or whether or not "Gummy" is really a rabbit at all.
I've also tried tracking them to their nest, but they move faster than I do, they invariably see, hear, smell, or sense me coming. Plus, those suckers can virtually disappear into the shrubs and bushes. (an animal that can hide in the woods...who'd a thunk it?)
But, even with no scientific proof or objective evidence, I KNOW I've got rabbits in my yard.
I've seen 'em.

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