Is there room in the Para/Crypto/Fortean world for a gun-toting, paranoid, bipolar, opinionated bastard? A lonely romantic in search of his lost soul? A knight, Samurai, gunslinger, born in the wrong century? A self-destructive, doom-driven survivor seeking redemption? A heavy drinking gonzo outlaw cryptozoologist whose ego is exceeded only by his libido?
No, there isn't. That's why I'm here...

23 July 2008

a brief musical interlude...

Here's a little song I wrote years ago, after I was kicked in the nads by the donkey of love, when my first love broke my heart one hot, steamy night in Dothan, AL,
A little country number I call:

She Went Through My Heart Like Godzilla Went Through Tokyo


Well she came upon the scene, like some monster from the screen
Like a giant lizard 40 stories tall
And she left me devastated, like no girl I'd ever dated
And now there's nothin' left of me at all

Cause she went through my heart like Godzilla went through Tokyo
All she did was damage and destroy
Yeah she went through my heart like Godzilla went through Tokyo
That's why I'm just a sad and lonely boy

There was no way I could stop her, lord that monster was a whopper
And all my weapons just had no effect
She broke through all my defenses, and she overwhelmed my senses
My soul is gone, my psyche has been wrecked

Cause she went through my heart like Godzilla went through Tokyo
All she left was rubble and debris
Yeah she went through my heart like Godzilla went through Tokyo
And now there's very little left of me

Yeah she went through my heart like Godzilla went through Tokyo
Trailing death, destruction, and decay
Oh she went through my heart like Godzilla went through Tokyo
That's why I'm in the shape I'm in today.

20 July 2008

Who's That Girl??

Here's another weird but true story:
After graduating college, I took a job as the night manager at a truck stop. In the late night/early morning hours on one particular shift, a young woman entered the truck stop.
She was rather striking and sort of exotic-looking, bearing a strong resemblence to "Audrey" from the first National Lampoon's Vacation movie. She appeared to be in her late teens. She was accompanied by a much older man. She didn't speak the entire time they shopped. She stayed close to the man the whole time.
Flash forward nine years. I was woking night shift at a convenience store in a different city, when I saw her again. At this time, I had let my hair grow quite long (had a ponytail down to my waist) and I had quite a few gray hairs this time. Again, it was late at night, she was accompanied by a different, but still much older man. Same behaviour as before. She never spoke, just stayed next to the man as they shopped.
Funny thing was, she hadn't aged a day. She looked exactly as she had nine years earlier. She hadn't even changed her hairstyle. And when she came through the door, she gave me a look like she remembered me. Kinda like "YOU again? What are YOU doing here?!" In fact, she pretty much locked her gaze on me until they left. And as before, she never said a word the entire time. She wasn't particularly threatening, and I didn't sense anything evil, but I got a case of heebie-jeebies both times.
And both times, even though she was in the company of much older men, I got the disticnt impression that she was the one in charge. Just something about the way they acted.
I've shared this story with a few other people, but nobody's really come up with an explanation or theory that satisfies me.
And I can't help but wonder if we'll see each other again. Maybe when I'm a much older man.

12 July 2008

"Alleged" Rabbits In My Yard

I've got rabbits in my yard. I don't expect any of you to believe me, since you haven't been here to witness them, and there's no real way I can prove it.
I supposed I COULD sit stakeout in my yard with the Saiga-12 until I manage to kill one and have its corpse examined and its DNA analyzed in order to scientifically verify my claim. But then I'd be curbstomped, castrated, skinned alive, and unceremoniously cremated while still kicking by the animal lovers as punishment for cruelly dispatching a non-aggressive creature and denying it its right to live long enough to reach its full potential.(IOW, to become roadkill or food for a predator).
So, no thanks, I won't be producing a corpse to satisfy the skeptics or placate the scientific community.
How about a hair sample? I've spent hours bellycrawling across the yard, powerful magnifying glass in hand, only to come up empty-handed (not to mention sweaty and dirty). The odds of finding a hair sample (not a hare sample, mind you)are worse than finding a needle in a haybale. (at least metal detectors would help with the needle!)
Haven't found any poop, either. (does that mean rabbits don't exist in my yard, or just that they don't poop there?)
I have found a few tracks, but tracks don't prove anything, they're easily faked.
Photographic evidence is just as suspect. Especially nowadays. The Believers might see a rabbit. The skeptics would see a blobbit, or a rat in a rabbit suit, or just a trick of light and shadow. So, nope, future rabbit researchers won't have to worry about years of debate over the veracity of "The Gummerfan Film", or whether or not "Gummy" is really a rabbit at all.
I've also tried tracking them to their nest, but they move faster than I do, they invariably see, hear, smell, or sense me coming. Plus, those suckers can virtually disappear into the shrubs and bushes. (an animal that can hide in the woods...who'd a thunk it?)
But, even with no scientific proof or objective evidence, I KNOW I've got rabbits in my yard.
I've seen 'em.

07 July 2008

The Succubus Is Gone!

The succubus departed yesterday afternoon and for the first time in over a week I got more than a couple of hours of sleep. This episode was brief but intense. My energy's returning, my head is clear, women have stopped hitting on me, and I'm no longer in that state of constant semi-arousal.
Special thanks to my "anonymous friend" for all the advice. Hopefully, thanks to your tips, the thing's gone for good. If it does return, I'll be more prepared to deal with it. I'm genuinely grateful for your help.

05 July 2008

Arrogance? You Bet!

I posted before about certain groups or individuals in the Paranormal/Cryptozoological fields who seem to be possessed of a certain elitism or arrogance. Lisa Shiel wrote an excellent series of posts on her Backyard Phenomena blog a while back about the same thing. It got me to thinking. Perhaps this field attracts individuals whose personalities may be interpreted as a bit on the arrogant side.
Consider the following:

"Many Are Called, But Few Are Chosen"

Some of us became interested in offbeat studies due to some type of personal experience. Hearing the voice of a departed relative, seeing a UFO, Bigfoot, or other unknown creature, persistent deja vu, or any number of occurances of what Charles Fort would term "Damned" phenomena.
I suppose some people think that those who have had a Paranormal experience may feel superior, or gifted, or chosen. Nevermind that the majority of those who've experienced such phenomena would rather it never happened to them. Especially when they feel they are at the mercy of forces beyond their control.

"What Makes YOU So Special?"

Face it, some of the questions and issues we ponder have been around as long as mankind has existed. What happens after death? Can we reach the "other side"? Are there beings and forces outside our senses?
The odds are none of us involved in the world of paranormal research will find the answers. But still, our curiosity keeps us going. Is it arrogant or elitist to believe that maybe, just maybe, we can find the answers that have eluded some of history's greatest minds? I suppose some people would think so.
Nevermind that most of us seeking the answers freely admit that we spend a lot of time just groping in the dark (Ooo! Double entendre! Can't make a post without one!)or bemoaning the fact that we can't get travel points for out constant trips back to Square One.

"The Truth Is Out There, YOU Can't Handle The Truth, But I Can"

This is the domain of the Conspiracy Theorist. Somebody knows the answers to our questions, but they're keeping them hidden from all but a select few. Whether it's the Government, the Freemasons or Templars, the Vatican, the Trilateral Commission, etc who are zealously guarding the truth about UFOs, Sasquatch, Nessie, Dimensional Doorways or Real Ultimate Power, the philosophy of the Conspiracy Theorist is that the truth is being hidden because the masses are incapable of accepting or comprehending it. We've all heard the stories. If the Government revealed what they know about aliens, religion would crumble, society would implode, and there's be rioting in the streets. "People couldn't handle the truth!" But those of us engaged in the study of weirdness are confident that WE could. Again, it's easy for others to mistake this curiosity for arrogance or a sense of moral and intellectual supeiority.
(and wouldn't it be the greatest cosmic joke of all if The Truth were revealed and it freaked US all out as well?)
What some people would refer to as arrogance is almost a job requirement for this field, right up there with a thick skin and a sense of humor.

02 July 2008

The Succubus Is Back

Looks like the Succubus has come back to torment me again. It comes around every 1-3 months and hangs around for a week or so, though the longest attack lasted four weeks. If you've never encountered a Succubus (or an Incubus, I imagine), count yourself most blessed. I'm sure there are some teen-age guys out there who think it'd be awesome to be so victimized, but the plain and simple reality is that it is a most unsettling, disturbing, borderline maddening occurance. I don't enjoy being just a link in some kind of psycho/sexual energy food chain.
Hopefully, it'll get its fill soon and go off to wherever it goes when it isn't latched onto me and making my life even more complicated, confusing, and insane than it already is.
If anybody knows of an organization like "Succubi Anoymous", please let me know.
I can't go into the details of all that goes on during an episode, since this is a family-friendly rated blog.
Just imagine taking a healthy dose of viagra. Now imagine that Axe body spray really works like in the commercials, and you're doused in the stuff. Now imagine trying to go about your daily life with all this going on, among other things that I can't mention here.

01 July 2008

The Great Giant Catfish Hunt Pt 3

I saw this article recently at Cryptomundo about the giant catfish.
http://www.cryptomundo.com/cryptozoo-news/big-catfish/
If they really are as big as a Volkswagen, or a tanker truck, it looks like I'll have to put The Great Giant Catfish Hunt on hold until further notice.
I've narrowed the choices for bikini-clad First Mate down to "Sunny" and "Rio" (cherry ice cream smile, indeed!) but, in the words of Sheriff Brody, "We're gonna need a bigger boat."
But I've still got a little Sasquatch Hunt in the planning stages. Why Central Alabamians call Bigfoot "Sasquatch" is beyond me, though.

New Items in Monster Hunter Supply Shop

I've changed up some of the designs in the Monster Hunter Supply shop and I've added some more items.
NEW STUFF FOR THE LADIES! Check out the NEW ladies' T's, tank tops, and thongs! YES!! THONGS!!