Is there room in the Para/Crypto/Fortean world for a gun-toting, paranoid, bipolar, opinionated bastard? A lonely romantic in search of his lost soul? A knight, Samurai, gunslinger, born in the wrong century? A self-destructive, doom-driven survivor seeking redemption? A heavy drinking gonzo outlaw cryptozoologist whose ego is exceeded only by his libido?
No, there isn't. That's why I'm here...

09 May 2009

This Just In!

Earlier tonight I realized I needed to make a supply run for pineapple juice. I didn't have enough on hand for the massive quantities of rum punch I intended to consume. So, I left the compound and drove into town. My timing could have been better, as I had to rush back to avoid getting caught in our nightly severe storm/flash flood. I drove the Big Weird Jeep at dangerously high speeds along twisty, rainslick roads, testing the limits of my tires' adhesion, as well as the Big Weird Jeep's traction control, QuadraDrive II system, and anti-roll technology, all the while blasting Warren Zevon over the stereo and firing my Glock 20 10mm through the sunroof as a demonstration of my contempt for the darkening skies. I could hear the ejecting brass rattling on the roof, bouncing off the roofrack and finally cascading over the rear of the vehicle.
I decided that while I was out, I may as well swing by the Post Office & check my mail. (I have a great connection at the PO, and anything addressed to "Gummer" or "Gummerfan", Trinity, AL, 35673 usually makes it to me). There was a large envelope in my PO box with no return address. (not an uncommon occurance, some people's desire for
anonymity rivals my own).
I made it down the mountain and managed to arrive back home before the regularly scheduled storm set in, and was able to relax a while.

I opened the envelope, and found a bunch of notes, letters, and general paranoid ravings (yeah, somebody speaks my language!) regarding Bigfoot, the Patterson film, and some of the world's super-wealthy elite. From Howard Hughes to the Council on Foreign Relations, Bill Clinton & James Carville, T. Boone Pickens, and a veritable "Who's Who" of the rich and powerful.
I'm still sorting through it all, and this could very well blow the lid off the whole Bigfoot mystery (and possibly other strange events) or it could be yet another hoax along the lines of the Allende letters or MJ-12 documents. I'll have to consult with my attorney before I comment or divulge any revelations, since the last thing I need is a major libel suit filed by some of the most influential people on the planet.To be honest, just having this material in my hands could very well make me a marked man. (not that I haven't been "marked" before and emerged unscathed, but it never gets any easier and my luck and reflexes are bound to let me down eventually!)
I wasn't even planning on posting this, but alcohol makes me both libidinous and loquatious, and since my wife is working tonight, the former is out of the question.
Later (I hope!),

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