Is there room in the Para/Crypto/Fortean world for a gun-toting, paranoid, bipolar, opinionated bastard? A lonely romantic in search of his lost soul? A knight, Samurai, gunslinger, born in the wrong century? A self-destructive, doom-driven survivor seeking redemption? A heavy drinking gonzo outlaw cryptozoologist whose ego is exceeded only by his libido?
No, there isn't. That's why I'm here...

30 June 2009

Are My Days Really Numbered?

I actually posted about this incident when it first happened, but once I saw it "in print", I wasn't happy with it and I deleted it. But this post by Autumnforest really struck a chord about the "event". (plus, Dolly made a request, and I can't refuse a lady!) So, I'll try again.
Before I begin, let me clarify a few things:
First, my personal view of death, particularly my own, is a bit askew from what most people consider "normal". I mean, I am convinced that death is NOT the end. Of course, I may be wrong, but that's how I feel. I also accepted its inevitability long ago. My view is similar to that of the Samurai. I certainly don't seek it, I try to avoid it if possible, but I know it's coming eventually and I can handle that.
Next, I'm not some kind of attention-seeking morbid internet emo. (not that I mind attention, of course, but there are limits to what I'll do to get it!)
Plus, I don't want this blog to degenerate into some kind of depressing "death watch".
So, if any of the above makes sense or not, here's the ying and yang of the whole deal:

Back in early October of last year, I as out on the porch (I do a lot of thinking there if you haven't noticed yet). I was just looking out over the landscape. The trees were starting to go bare, the blooms were gone from the flowers, the grass was going dormant, and except for a few evergreens the plants were gray skeletons of their former glorious selves. To quote Paul Simon, the sky was "a hazy shade of winter."
It's a well-known fact to those who know me that I get SADD (seasonal affective depression disorder) something fierce anyway. I just flat out hate cold weather, gray skies, plus the hassle associated with those "Happy Holidays." I have a natural abhorration towrds any climate that isn't conducive to nudity. If I had my way I'd just hibernate during those months. I don't get out in the cold unless I have to, but I get a case of cabin fever if I stay cooped up too long.
So, there I was, contemplating and dreading the upcoming season when "it" happened. It's hard to describe the experience. "Something" that was both external and internal at the same time impressed the following message onto my brain: "This will be your/my last winter." "Your/my" is my attempt to convey that at the very instant I was "receiving" the message, it was also internalized.
Given my penchant for worst case scenarios, I immediately interpreted the message to mean I was going to die sometime before the next winter. Terminal disease? A tractor-trailer on the highway or a freight train with my name on it? Heart attack?
I didn't share this with anyone for quite some time. I just kept mulling it over in my head. "This will be your last winter"...what does that mean? The message wasn't frightening or threatening in any way. It was completely neutral, like a weather report or market update.
So, how come I'm not a mass of quivering jelly? Or why am I not using this summer to "Live like I'm dying?" Why haven't I just given up or started working on my own personal bucket list?
Well, after thinking about the incident for a few days, I began to realize that maybe my interpretation was wrong. Maybe it meant something else. Students of Tarot or dream interpretation will tell you that all isn't as it appears. The so-called "Death Card" actually means a change is coming. And maybe I didn't take the message in the proper context. Maybe it meant this would be my last winter here, or my last winter under these particular circumstances. Perhaps it meant something other than "tomorrow you die", maybe Publishers Clearing House will come through and by next winter I'll be living in a private island stronghold in the Caribbean or South Pacific. Maybe we'll find another house by then. Maybe I'll get a job transfer or something. Maybe, just maybe, it meant something positive, or at least neutral, was coming.
So, while I'll admit my little prophecy still causes me some concern, life goes on. If I really AM doomed before next winter, there's nothing I can do to change it. And if something positive is going to occur between now and then, hey, I can deal with that!

19 June 2009

Going AWOL

Probably won't be posting for a few days. I'll still be checking in and keeping up with blogs I'm following.
Just got some...stuff to deal with and I doubt I'll have the opportunity for "emotion recollected in tranquility".
Take care, all!
Ad Finem,

16 June 2009

The Bird Story

My aunt passed away in January of 2001. We had always been very close. I was her favorite nephew, she made no secret of it, and the rest of the family made no effort to deny it. She had a profound effect on my life. She was a librarian and passed along her love of books and language to me.
She was also an avid gardener. I despised yard and garden work. I still hate mowing grass. I once told her that I'd be completely satisfied with a yard covered in green cement and she looked at me as if I had just confessed to a penchant for cannibalism.
I remember one summer she had me prepare flower beds and plant over 300 bulbs, one at a time. I hoped I would never have to see a garden again.
The first March after her death, I suddenly caught the "gardening bug". For reasons I couldn't even understand myself, I had a desire to landscape the yard. BIG time. I built raised beds, amended the soil, read up about plants and their needs. If your not familiar with Alabama red clay soil, it's pretty much the worst stuff in the world. When it's wet and saturated it's like soup. When it's dry, it's akin to a cement sidewalk. But there I was, out there tilling, digging, mixing in sand, peat moss, fertilizers, blood meal, bone meal,lime,potash and compost.
I also went big with the plants I chose to grow. Big cannas, elephant ears (both alocasia and colocasia for you botanists), giant castor bean trees (which apparently drew the attention of the DEA choppers, I had lots of flyovers that year) and even hardy palm trees which "can't grow here".(they're the ones in the snow pic I posted here)
As with all gardens, it really "took off" the following Spring. The weather was perfect that year, and I had time to get out there every day with the water hose and Miracle Grow, and spent plenty of time on my knees pulling weeds. My garden had never looked that good and never has since.
I always wished my aunt could have seen it. She had always lived in a different city so it wasn't unusual for us to go months at a time without getting together. I even had dreams in which she hadn't died, we just hadn't seen each other in a while. I would tell her how much I wish she could come and see my garden.
It was my usual morning ritual to sit on the porch with my morning coffee and cigarette (note to self: need to look into that "caffeine-nicotine beverage" idea) and look over the garden. I'd sit there watching the dragonflys and hummingbirds, and then I'd take a stroll around and check out the plants.
One particular morning, when the flowers were in full bloom, I was sitting there as usual, when a bird came to land on the porch rail in front of me. Those of you who live in the city, where you can literally step on a pigeon may not fully comprehend how unusual this behavoiur was. Birds out here in the country just do noe do that. We just sat there looking at each for a few minutes. I got up for my stroll, fully expecting the bird to fly away. It didn't.
I descended the steps and passed by the bird. To my surprise and amusement, it hopped off the rail and began to follow me. I kept looking back as we walked along the little path between the plant beds, and the bird was walking closely behind me. Sometimes, it would hop up into the plant beds, tilt its head sideways as if it was really inspecting the leaves and flowers. I would pause and wait until it finished and hopped back onto the path.
This pattern continued as I circled around the path and got back to the porch. I climbed the steps and sat back in the chair. The bird returned to its perch on the rail and just sat there looking at me.
We sat there looking at each other for what seemed like an eternity. I even went back into the house for another cup of coffee and when I returned it was still there. Finally, I decided to get some bread for it. I went back inside and when I came back out it was gone.

15 June 2009

How About A Quickie?

I'm talking about a quick post, of course!
We're currently experiencing yet another major round of thunderstorms, so I'm posting from my phone. (I've seen enough cheesy scifi movies to know that mixing electronics & lightning is not a good idea!)
Just wanted to post a few things I'll elaborate on later.
Had a major weird dream last night (even for me!) involving what was either a possessed individual or some sort of revenant. I'm usually pretty good at interpreting my own dreams, but this one was a "doozy"!
Got an idea for a new gun project.
Need to post about a UFO (or something) I saw recently.
Debating on whether or not I should post about a "premonition" I had a few months ago re my own death. (if it's true, I don't have long, but then who does?)
And speaking of death, I've got a story about an experience I had a couple of years ago involving a bird that visited me one morning. I've only told a couple of people about it, and I'm hoping some of you can give me your takes on it.
Gotta go for now, thumbs can't take much more. (don't know how those teenage girls do it!)

12 June 2009

Another Interesting Site

Here's a site that's full-o-links on all kinds of offbeat topics, from the wild & weird to the wacky!
"Neither Gummerfan nor Gummerfan"s Monster Hunter HQ is responsible for any attacks of paranoia, schizophrenia, freakouts, panic attacks, or any other detrimental effects incurred by reading the material contained in this link!"
And people call ME paranoid!

PLR-16 Pistol Pic

Here's a pic of the Carbon-15 pistol (top) and my new PLR-16 (bottom). I swapped out the Noveske muzzle brake (the thingie at the end of the barrel)from the C15 and added a cheapo red dot sight I had lying around. The Noveske brake is essential for these types of firearms. Without it, the muzzle flash is blinding and the blast is deafening, and the gun is pretty much useless except as a range toy. The Noveske brake eliminates the flash, and redirects the blast away from the shooter. It's now no worse than my 16" barrelled AR rifle.(outdoors anyway!) It DOES add some weight to the muzzle, but it's no biggie and certainly worth the tradeoff. The C15 and PLR are similar in size and weight, but the C15 uses the gas system similar to the AR15 family while the PLR uses an AK-like piston system. It's more reliable and lower maintenance than the gas system. Plus, it doesn't need a buffer tube (that thing sticking out of the back of the top pistol).
KelTec makes a forend for the PLR, but it's made of plastic and after around a hundred rounds of rapid-fire it starts to melt. I had a clamp-on trirail mount from another project, so I mounted it. Besides, the KelTec system only has one accessory rail instead of three, what am I gonna do with that? :D

11 June 2009

New Gun!

I still haven't got that STG 556 I posted about a few days ago. I'm still debating about whether I should get into another weapons system, especially at this particular point in human history. I DID pick up a KelTec PLR16 pistol yesterday. It's pretty neato. Basically a pistol-sized AR15 rifle. It's similar to the Bushmaster Carbon-15 pistol I have (for now, anyway, it's gone onto the "trade/sell" pile).
I'll post some pics when I get time.

Performance Anxiety?

I've noticed a few people have signed up to follow this blog. So far I've got four, five really, since Mike & Julie are two people (I'm pretty sure of this).
I'm pleased and flattered to have you all along. I'll take quality over quantity any time! And what a great mix! Paranormal Investigators, practicing witches, just my kind of people!
But now I'm faced with a problem. Now that some great folks are following my posts, I feel obligated to make it worth their time. I feel pressured to be funny, entertaining, informative, deep, and I worry that I may accidentally offend somebody and lose one of you, and then I'll take it personally as though I've suddenly been deemed not worth knowing and I'll get all depressed and stressed out and shoot myself. I'm prone to sudden mood swings like that, I know suicide and survivalism seem to be at opposite ends of the spectrum, but life's more complicated than that. One of my basic tenets is: "I don't mind dying, but I'm damned if I let anything kill me."
I guess I'll just keep plugging along and let the chips fall where they may. The winds of Fate have blown us here for better or worse.
(according to my email spam, there's a little blue pill that can improve my performance, but this isn't that kind of blog!)

08 June 2009

That Darned "S"-word!

Okay, so I'm working on some theories regarding sex and the paranormal. It's an area that I think merits research, discussion, and the devlopment of new theories.
But it presents a unique set of problems (like how do I discuss it without coming off as some kind of perv?)
One of the hurdles is the word "sex" itself. It's so "loaded", with so many connotations and so much baggage attached to it that I may dismiss using it altogether. So I'm trying to come up with a phrase that better suits my thoughts on it as it pertains to my subject.
How about "body sharing"? "Ecstatic exchange"? "Mutual energy release"?
Suggestions welcomed...

06 June 2009

Victory Is Mine!

Finally got that toilet fixed today! I'll spare you the disgusting details, but I'm filled with that sense of accomplishment that only a stubborn, determined, DIY-type can understand!

MORE Separated At Birth?!

If you thought the Bonaduce thing was interesting, let's see if these resemblences raise any eyebrows:
First up, Bill from UFO Hunters

The Great Hunter S Thompson

Doonesbury's Uncle Duke

Paranoid, Gun-toting Conspiracy Theorist Dale Gribble

Speaking of Paranoid Gun-toting Conspiracy Theorists, The MAN, Mr. Burt Gummer

And of course, yours truly

Something is definitely going on here...

05 June 2009

Separated At Birth?

Am I the only one who sees a resemblance between the guy from UFO Hunters and Danny Bonaduce?

03 June 2009

Jason! Grant! A Little Help Here?

I don't have a ghost problem, I don't need a paranormal investigations team, what I need is a couple of plumbers! I spent all day working on a clogged and backed up toilet. I even rented one of those pipe snake things. The snake would reach only so far before it would jam and start flopping around and...splashing.
Whatever the clog is, the snake couldn't get it out. I figure either a kid flushed something or maybe somethin fell from the shelf and got flushed. Anyway, now I'm gonna have to take the toilet out and try from topside.
After hosing myself off outside, two long, hot showers (with good scrubbings that amounted to full-body dermabrasion), liberal applications of Purel and half a can of Axe body spray, I finally feel clean again.
My late grandfather was a plumber, he told me joke about how to tell a plumber from a pipefitter: You stand them up to their neck in a septic tank and swing a wrench at their heads. The plumber will duck.

02 June 2009

Sometimes I Worry Too Much...

...but then I realize that it's best to just relax and let the winds of Fate...blow me.

01 June 2009

So Crazy It Just Might Work...

If you're a fan of the series "Supernatural", you've probably seen Sam & Dean whip out their sawed-off double barrelled shotgun. It's typically loaded with rock salt shells for use on ghosts or similar creatures of the night.
Since we live in the "real" world, the carrying of illegal firearms is ill-advised. (along with quitting your job and chasing demons all over the country, or impersonating federal agents, or killing people, or digging up graves so you can salt-n-burn, or most of the other things the Winchesters do!)
But, the notion of a "Ghost Blaster" is intriguing, no? I own a 37mm tear gas launcher. It looks wicked awesome even though it's not even considered a firearm. (you just have to be careful about the kinds of ammo you own for it unless you register it with the Feds). I'm thinking some "salt rounds" wouldn't be hard to load up. Maybe even use some other banes as well.
I'm still not sure about all the legalities involved in such a project. And of course (like any 37mm munition) firing it at a person is definately illegal ("less-lethal" or no).
It's common for owners to load 35mm film canisters filled with sand or colored chalk for target practice, so loading a practice round filled with salt shouldn't be a problem or cause a hassle.Just wonder about a "scatter" load? A lot of the laws regarding 37mm munitions are based on "design and intent". If the rounds aren't designed and intended to be fired at people, they're okay. (it's more complicated than that, but that part of the law is what's relevant to this discussion). OTOH, even then, if such a round IS fired at a person, you're boned in the eyes of the law.