Is there room in the Para/Crypto/Fortean world for a gun-toting, paranoid, bipolar, opinionated bastard? A lonely romantic in search of his lost soul? A knight, Samurai, gunslinger, born in the wrong century? A self-destructive, doom-driven survivor seeking redemption? A heavy drinking gonzo outlaw cryptozoologist whose ego is exceeded only by his libido?
No, there isn't. That's why I'm here...

19 December 2010

Bigfoot: Coming To A Trailer Park Near You?

Do y'all really wanna know how I come up with some of my theories and ideas? My inspirations come from a variety of sources. For example, this weekiend I'm fighting off a nasty sinus/cold thing. My preferred method of treatment is to ingest dangerous quantities of NyQuil and frequent glasses of Mango-ritas. This may not cure me, but it makes the discomfort much more bearable, and the resultant unconsciousness allows me to get get the "rest my body needs".
Lately Ive been reading Stan Gordon's "Silent Invasion", which details a rash of UFO and Bigfoot sightings in Pennsylvania in the 1970's.

While reading the book I've noticed that a LOT of the BF sightings occurred near mobile home parks or near mobile homes. (it should also be noted that other Fortean researchers have commented on this as well). Maybe it's my stuffed-up head, maybe it's the "medication", but here's a little scenario I concocted.
Suppose the UFOs do in fact drop off the BFs (for some undetermined reason). The poor BFs are stranded, lost, and just trying to find their way home. So, they wander about, trying to catch a ride back to wherever/whenever they came from. And what to their red, glowing, wandering eyese should appear?

That's right, a big, metal box, with doors, windows, and lights, just like the mysterious craft that dropped them off in the first place. So, the BFs poke around, peek in the windows, frighten the occupants, and determine that they've come to the wrong place. The BFs keep on looking and eventually "THEY" come along and give the poor critters a return trip.
Unlikely? Yes.
Possible? Who knows?

11 December 2010

Freaky Piccy Pt 2

Here's a thought that occured to me this morning. In the annals of Cryptozoology and Monster Hunting, ocaasionally a "One-Timer" pops up. A One-Timer is a unique creature that makes an appearance, causes a stir, and never turns up again. Unlike BF, Nessie & her kin, or Chupacabras, One-Timers don't have a trail of recorded sightings in their wake. One such creature was the Dover Demon , seen during a 25-hour period in 1977 in Dover, MA. Two different witesses saw the thing, and their descriptions were practically identical. Check out the drawing...

Remember what ol King Solomon said about "nothing new under the sun"? Dover Demon researchers have pointed out the similarities between the DD and a creature of Cree Indian legend called the mannigishi. Descriptions of these two creatures sound remarkably similar.
So, is the DD exploring the woods of Louisiana? Do the Mannigishi hace Southern cousins? Is El Chupacabra morphing again? Or the trailcam pic just another internet hoax?

10 December 2010

One Freaky Piccy!


Check out this image captured on a Lousiana hunter's trailcam. If it isn't a hoax, I'm not sure what it is! Check out the story HERE.

09 December 2010

Panthers and "Vampires"...Whattup In Marshall County?

Hot on the heels of a reported black panther attack comes this news story about aVampire wannabe charged with assault after burning a "V" into the victim's forehead. Whether the "V" stood for "Vampire" or "Victim" is uncertain. Based on the story, the perp, if convicted, should recieve a fitting punishment. How about sending him to prison with an "L" branded on his forehead, signifying that he's a LOSER!
As an aside, Marshall County is part of Alabama'sSand Mountain region which I posted about in the past.
Told y'all the place was weird!

08 December 2010

Nifty!


I must confess to being a gadget & gear freak. If only my budget would allow me to indulge in my addictions! Here's a neat little bit-o-kit that I ran across.
The Ozonics HR-200 scent eliminator. No, it doesn't have anything to do with personal hygeine, nor is it for those occasions when your deodorant just doesn't cut it or your best friend won't tell you.
The HR-200 is a device that generates ozone to eliminate human scent when hunting. It basically creates a "scent-free" zone. And while I'm not a game hunter, it certainly wouldn't hurt when seeking BF, big cats, or other cryptids. Anything to mask your presence can only be a plus.
Of course, the BIG question is: would it work on ZOMBIES??

05 December 2010

Black Panthers In Alabama

Here's a news story from a few counties over from me about a black panther attack.
UNION GROVE, Ala. (AP) - An Alabama man says he's recovering after being attacked by a panther near his Marshall County home.
Frank Harmes says he was walking his dog in a cove behind his home near Morgan City when he heard something behind him and turned to see a black panther.
Harmes says he moved to try to scare the panther away, but instead it attacked and clawed his leg. He says he stabbed the animal twice with a knife and it ran away.
Residents of the area have reported seeing panthers in the past, saying they sometimes come out looking for food.
Harmes says he will undergo a series of rabies shots because of the attack.

And here's a Youtube link, also shot in Alabama, of a purported black panther stalking a buck.
Of course, wildlife experts, zoologists, and other scientists will tell you that there are NO native big black cats in North America. This was news to me, since I've heard stories all my life about them. Once when I was a kid, I was riding in a car with my mom and aunt when one crossed the road right in front of the car. (I didn't see it myself, since I was busy in the backseat at the time). But they said it just strolled at a leisurely pace across the road. Apparently it didn't seem concerned about being hit. (which would have surely happened except that it crossed at a particularly twisty section of road, so we weren't going that fast).
Just like most other mystery creatures, they're "not supposed to exist", but people just keep on seeing 'em!

01 December 2010

"On To The Next" or "Back To The Same"?

One reason I haven't posted in a while is that I've been wasting a lot of time on Facebook. I've befriended a lot of Ghost Hunters and Paranormal Investigators on there. (it just kinda worked out that way really, it wasn't really intentional, same goes for the Wiccans, Pagans, and Witches for that matter).
And I read their updates about how they're going to investigate Waverly Hills, or Sloss Furnace, or Eastern State Penitentiary, or how they'd so LOVE to investigate the Lizzy Borden House, or Alcatraz, or that mecca of haunted places, the Stanley Hotel. The question I'd like to pose to these groups is: WHY???
Granted, as a Monster Hunter and seeker of Heavy Weirdness, there are certain hot spots I'd love to spend some time poking around, HOWEVER, these are places that haven't been investigated TO DEATH!! There's virtual 24/7 surveillance at Loch Ness, so why should I bother flying to Scotland for a crack at Nessie? There are numerous Bigfoot organizations staking out various sites from the PNW to the Big Thicket in Texas and the Florida Everglades. Great! Let 'em hunt & more power to 'em!
So, why is it that the Ghost Hunting community is so enamored of a few well-known, heavily investigated sites? Maybe I'm missing something, I don't know. As I've said before, I don't really "do" ghosts.
"But we got some interesting photographs!" (so have plenty of others!) "We captured some clear EVPs!" (yawn...) "We had some hair-raising personal experiences!" (show me the money!) "The mediums and psychics on our team picked up some fascinating impressions!" (well, if THEY say so...).
I just don't see the point in going to a well-known haunted site and repeating the same old investigations over and over. Sure, if you have some NEW technology, technique, or approach to try, these sites would make for nice proving grounds. If you have a NEW theory you'd like to test, then the popular McHaunted places would be a nice ectoplasmic petri dish, I suppose.
But how about getting out there and finding some NEW and DIFFERENT places? Why go to the same places and do the same things others have already done? Are you seriously investigating? Are you trying to advance the field? Are you trying to learn anything? Or, are you nothing more than a bunch of paratourists and wannabes?

08 November 2010

ZOZO, ZO What??

This is something I've recently run across. Apparently there's a demon, or malicious spirit, or djinn, or SOME kind of supernatural entity or phenomenon popping up on OUIJA boards. The best research I've found so far is on this blog. But a quick Google search on the name "ZOZO" or "ZOZO ouija" or "ZOZO demon" will yield quite a few results and stories.
The stories all share some commonalities. The ZOZO entity is always powerful, overpowering and taking control of the Ouija from the operators or whatever spirit they are communicating with. The ZOZO "experience" is without fail overwhelmingly negative. I've yet to read an account from any self-styled demonologist or wannabe "devil worshipper" oe what have you that describes the phenomenon as anything other than a negative experience. Cases of physical harm, sickness, and yes, near-death are associated with it.
Here's some links: http://paranormal.about.com/od/ouijaboards/a/zozo-encounter.htm

http://www.trueghosttales.com/paranormal/zozo-the-ouija-demon/

http://freakybrain.blogspot.com/2010/02/zozo-and-carrie.html

http://paranormal.about.com/library/blstory_october07_22.htm

As an apocalypsocist (is that a word?) I'm always looking for signs of The End Of The World As We Know It. Can't help but wonder if this phenomenon is a sign of increasing demonic or supernatural activity. (y'know, kinda like Zuul in Ghostbusters, or the "big Twinkie" theory in GB2!). Is ZOZO one of the Old Ones? A minion of some Cthulu-like big horror waiting to reclaim the Earth? Is it waiting for 2012? Is it one entity with many names, or many entities using the same name? My mind (as usual!) reels.
Whatever you are, ZOZO, I'll be watching you.

01 November 2010

Chupababras & Mutilations

From Argentina comes this report involving a possible chupacabra attack and even evidence of typical cattle mutilation. I've often wondered if these phenomena could be related. They do share a lot of common signs. Exsanguination of the victim animals, scant physical evidence as to the perpetrators, they almost exclusively occur at night, the wounds and injuries are almost always inconsistent with a predator attack...
Here's a way-out thought: Suppose (just suppose!) that these attacks are being carried out by interdimensional beings. Non-corporeal entities feeding on the blood and certain body parts. In the early days of cattle mutilations, there was rarely any visual evidence left behind. No tracks or prints, no wtnesses or descriptions of whoever or whatever was was responsible. But, with the increasing chupacabra phenomenon, reports began to include descriptions of the bloodsucking creature, tracks have been found, yet the creatures themselves have still eluded us.
According to traditional vampire lore, the vampire's early post-mortem visitations were far more akin to that of a malevolent spirit or ghost. The vampire was immaterial, non=corporeal. As the vampire began feeding on the blood or (more commonly) "energy" or "life forece", it became more solid, more physical.
So, what IF some kind of interdimensional vampire like entities are responsible not only for the older cattle mutilation cases, but for the current spate of chupacabras attacks as well? It would follow that whatever it is is becoming more and more physical, more corporeal. Who knows,prehaps someday these mysterious mutilators/vampires will become sufficiently physical to allow capture, identification, and study.
On the other hand, if more and more of these beings slip through and feed, and if cattle and sheep are no longer sufficient for them, we may just have a fight on our hands if we are to remain at the top of the food chain.

30 October 2010

The Jinn Made Me Do It! (no, not the GIN!)

Here's a story from the Arab Emirates detailing the case and investigation surrounding a judge accused of corruption. It seems the judge played the Jinn card, claiming that he was under the influence of one-o-these entities. And it seems he's being taken quite seriously, complete with a court appointed Jinn-talker and an exorcist.
Can't help but wonder if this case will set a legal precedent for future cases. Will the Jinn defense actually work? And more importantly, would it fly in US courts??

Slip SLIding Away

I'm sure at one time or another, maybe even quite frequently, we've all experienced this phenomenon: you or your group are walking along the sidewalk at night. You notice that whenever you or y'all pass a streetlight, it turns off (or occasionally on). Maybe a lightbulb near you decides to "shoot" at the precise moment of an angry outburst, or maybe you have difficulty with wristwatches, or cellphones, or tv's and stereos go haywire when you approach.
I've experienced these a few times in my life, and some of them are explained (or explainable) as nothing more than the electronic device's response to our bodies' electromagnetic field, or chemical makeup,
What I never knew is that this phenomenon is pretty common, and it even has a name. It's called Street Light Interference (SLI) and persons who cause or experience it are referred to as SLIders. Here's an article describing it.
It has also been pointed out by sceptics that the phenomenon may be nothing more than a trick of human perception. We just don't notice it when things work as they should. We don't remember all the times we've passed by streetlights with no result, but when one goes out or turns on, it sticks in our minds. We naturally tend to assign a pattern to random events.
So, how about it? Do you or anyone you know SLIde??

10 October 2010

Phantom Cougher???

You've heard of "the Mad Gasser of Matoon", maybe the "Phantom Clowns", well, how about a "Phantom Cougher"?
I've talked about doppelgangers before, but something happened this week that got 'em on my mind again. Turns out, this particular phenomenon is more accurately classified as a vardoger.
A spirit or manifestation of a person that "goes before".
Earlier this week, my wife approached me and informed me that there have been numerous occassions when I've been away at work, and nobody but my wife and our five-yr-old daughter have been at home, and they both have heard me cough. Since I smoke, I must confess that I DO indeed cough a few times a day. Mostly in the morning. One of the strongest motivations to quit is my morning habit of coughing up a golfball-sized loogie. (yeah, yuck with a capital "Y", I know, I know...)
My wife said that at first she thought it was just her imagination, but one day our daughter jumped up to run into the living saying "Daddy's home! I heard him cough!"
My wife, whose capacity for paranoia rivals my own, went so far as to inform me that she's convinced I've got "something" planted in our home in some kind of attempt to "drive her crazy". I assured her that this isn't the case, and I told her about the folklore regarding such events. I also shared with her that in the past, both my mother and my aunt with whom I lived for a while both had similar experiences. They both told me about times they've heard me come home, close the door, jingle my keys, go into the kitchen, and even respond to questions. All before I actually arrived.
I told my wife to make a note of the date and time of any future occurrances. Maybe it's while I'm at work and thinking about going home, or when I'm thinking about my family.
Maybe we'll be able to find some kind of pattern. If I'm doing it, it certainly isn't consciously. (and no, I haven't "planted" anything!)

You Think This Is Easy?


Do you people have any idea what I put myselfthrough in order tosecure my position as the "World's Hottest Monster Hunter"?
I missed a facial last week and got a zit on my nose! It just never ends!

07 October 2010

Mr. Bigelow Comes To Town

If you're a long-time reader of this blog, you may recall my Open Letter To Robert Bigwlow in which I basically begged the billionaire real estate tycoon/aerospace pioneer, NIDS & MUFON SIP founder,Skinwalker Ranch owner and part-time patron of paranormal pet projects for money. Just a simple contract deal offering my services as a Monster Hunter/researcher of Heavy Weirdness in exchange for a modestly exhorbitant fee. Sadlyto say, much to the detriment of the advancement of the field, no reply or response issued forth.
What's funny is that, according to this article, Mr. Bigelow was in my town yesterday. It seems he was workingon a deal with ULA (Boeing) to supply rockets for his proposed space staion project. He was literally right down the road from me. Too bad I didn't know in advance, maybe I could have at least slipped him a business card! The ULA plant is the site of one of my graveyard pics in the "Sunday Drive" post. There was another picture in the paper of Mister B with the mayor of a nearby city, said Mayor happens to be my little town's former Postmaster.
Oh well, maybe if Mister Bigelow strikes the deal, there's a chance we may eventually cross paths. Til then, well, I've grown quite accustomed to poverty anyway. :)

06 October 2010

Beating the Blahs and the Boredom

I'm sure you've all seen those cop shows with the long, boring "stakeout" scenes, right? Y'know, where the two guys are sitting in the car (or the team is in the van) for hours upon hours, waiting and watching for something that never happens. One of my coworkers told me that she felt "Monster Hunting" was, in her opinion, "a waste of time". (but hey, she bowls, so take that for what it's worth!) I admit I got a bit defensive and began to name some of the great scientific and zoological discoveries that were the result of this "waste of time". The mountain gorilla, the platypus, the pygmy hippo, the okapi... But then I thought of all thoses hours out there in the woods, in the dark, seeing, hearing, and experiencing nothing out of the ordinary. Yeah, it'd be nice if "fruitful" hunts outnumbered the exciting ones. The thrill of finding something new, or undiscovered, or just getting a glimpse of something spooky is what keeps investigators and researchers going.
So, how does one exercise patience and observation without succombing to overwhelming boredom? Some become "antsy" or overeager. Every snapping twig is a Bigfoot, every ripple on the water must be from some lake monster breaking the surface. That feeling you're being watched? Werewolf. Ofcourse it's easy to let one's imagination and genuine eagerness run wild when, well, in the wild, but jumpinf to quick conclusions (and presenting them as evidence!) doesn't contribute to the field and only provides fodder for the sceptics.
I recently sat out for a few hours in the chilly night air. I wasn't hunting a Chupacabra, or lying in wait for a black panther, rather, I was hoping to get a shot off at a pesky armadillo that's been digging up the yard and garden. The armadillo never made an appearance, but I don't consider my time wasted. I got to gaze into the skies looking for UFOs, witness a shooting star, and watch the lights of planes soaring overhead. I shone my megapowered spotlight up and wondered if the passengers and crew could see it. I speculated on who they were, where they were going. I listened to the sounds of the neighborhood and the nearby factories and plants.
While on monster hunts I've seen buzzards circling lazily, yet gracefully in the sky (buzzards follow me wherever I go, it's weird, and I most assuredly do NOT reek of death, and if I did, buzzards hunt by sight anyway, did y'all know that?) I've enjoyed boat trips on rivers, creeks, and the Gulf Coast. I've seen all manner of strange, interesting, and remarkable (yet most assuredly identified) animals from deer to alligator snapping turtles. I've heard the warning SLAP of a beaver smacking the water with its tail to alert his fellows of my approach. I've seen rednecks on ATVs and babes in bikinis.
Boring? Dull? A waste of time? I think not!

17 September 2010

The Curse of the Hawk?

Okay, I'm not a tree-hugger or anything, but I do have a soft spot for certain majestic creatures. There's a hawk around my neighborhood. I've seen him (I guess it's a him, don't really know) hanging around the garden, perched on power lines, swooping down from the sky, even standing by the side of the road. Lately he's been hanging around a gravel quarry that I pass going and coming from work, and I make it a point to watch for him as I pass by.
Yesterday, I was driving home fresh from the car wash, listening to the Eagles (ironic, huh?) and as I approached the quarry I began watching for the hawk. Sure enough, there he was, standing by the side of the road. And then, as they say, "all of a sudden", the hawk took to the air, swooped over the hod of the Big Weird Jeep and collided with my A-pillar with a pronounced "THUD!" (which really IS the way it's pronounced, btw!).
In times of stress, humans experience the phenomenon known as "time compression". Time seems to slow down. Thoughts race through your head as fast as those adrenaline-boosted neurons in your brain can fire. In the span of a few seconds, the following thoughts occurred to me:
"Whoa, there he is! Look at that!"
"Aw, crap!"
"Glad he didn't hit my windshield!"
"Oh no, I've killed our hawk!"
"I'll bet killing a hawk just has to mean bad luck in some cultures, great, that's all I freakin' need!"
"Maybe he's okay, I hope so!"
"Dang, that Don Henley can drum! The last two minutes of Hotel California is possibly THE best piece of rock music ever performed."
"I just know killing that hawk, even accidently, is sure to offend some deity somewhere! I'm cursed now..."
"Hee-hee! Curse of the Hawk! I'll bet he DID curse when he hit the car!"
"Those things can spot a field mouse a mile away, but he didn't see this big-ass SUV coming? Whattup with that?"
"If I start sprouting featers at the next full moon, I'll know why"

But, the hawk appeared to be okay. He sort of carommed off my vehicle, swooped around and landed back on the ground on his own two feet, well, talons...
I passed the spot again a couple of times later last night, and no sign of a dead or injured raptor. I was going slow at the time I hit him since I was approaching a stop sign anyway, so I'm pretty sure he's okay.
But maybe he'll find somewhere else to hang out.

04 September 2010

Ghost Walk Pic

Earlier tonight I went on a ghost walk tour in a nearby city. We walked through some old areas and listened as the guide told us of the haunted histories of some of the houses, as well as experiences from mediums and researched historical records. It was great fun and I plan on taking some more.
We were standing in fron of one particular house that was referred to as the "Frat House". It was used to house soldies during the Civil War. The guide said that a lot of folks on the tours managed to capture some orb activity, and someone occasinally caught a glimpse of someone peering out of one the upstairs windows. So, on a lark< idecided to take a few pics. Some of the other members of the tour were getting all excited over catching a few orbs, but face it, we all know that orbs aren't really much to get excited about, right? I was reviewing the pics I had taken when I caught this:

Look at the second window from the right on the second floor. It appears someone was looking back at us. There was nothing visible at the time, the image was only visible in the photo.Pretty creepy, huh?
Here's a close up of the window & the image:

29 August 2010

All Things Sharp and Pointy

I realized that I put so much emphasis on guns and firearms and I've neglected to mention much about blades. Since man does not live by guns alone, I thought I'd gather up a few of my favorites for a family portrait. According to some traditions, sleeping with a blade under your pillow can ward off vampires, nightmares, the Old Hag (night terrors), and bring luck and health.
Of course, this may be a little overkill:


A lot of your paranormal entities (demons, ghosts, wrewolves, vampires, fays...) have an aversion to iron or metal in general. My personal school of thought is that the conductivity of the metal effectively shorts out their etheric or spiritual energy. That's why copper and silver have always been held in such high regard as weapons against assorted nasties. Of course, the effect of cold steel on flesh-n-blood creatures goes without saying!

27 August 2010

Midnight Ride and a Glow in the Cemetery

Last night I decided for no particular reason to take a late night ride through the forest. So, I grabbed my 3 million candlepower spotlight, my video camera, and of course my rattlesnake-handled Taurus 460 Rowland automatic and set out for the Bankhead National Forest in search of Heavy Weirdness.
The sunroof was open, the moon was big and bright, the temperature was comfy, the radio was blaring. The Big Weird Jeep travelled along the twisty mountain roads at speeds most would deem unsafe. In fact, I missed my planed turnoff and finally found a place to turn around, which required me to pull onto an unmarked gravel road which my nav system simply labelled "Restricted". Wonder what's down there that we're not supposed to see? :)
I was hoping to find a nice, desserted crossroads, so in the best Hoodoo tradition I could sit and wait for the Devil to come along seeking my soul. But, a true crossroads is hard to find around here. The best I could find was a three-way intersection. So, I sat there for a while, watching and waiting, but alas, no legendery figure happened by. Just as well, I guess. Afterall, in my haste to get on the road I had neglected to pack so much as a Mercury dime, let alone any foofer dust...
So, after watching the sky and woods for a while I began my return trip. The road passes by an old, one-room church and cemetery built in the 1840's, so I pulled in for a quick look-see. As I approached, I saw what appeared to be a faintly glowing bluish white light among the headstones. At first I thought it was just a reflection from the moon or my headlights on one of the highly polished markers. I pulled into the cemetery and killed my lights. Sure enough, the glow was stil there. I didn't bring any night vision gear, and the camera could barely pick up the light, and I didn't want to "spook" whatever it was by bathing the area in the high-intensity whiteout of the spotlight.
So, quicker than you can say "EVP", I was out of the Jeep, carefully and respectfully making my way among the markers to the source of the eerie lumeniscence. As I got closer, I could finally make out the source of the mysterious glow. Spook light? Orb? Free-floating apparition? Not quite. I identified the source of the glow as a solar powered LED landscape light! Why somebody stuck one of these on a grave I don't know. Maybe it was just a joke or hoax. Maybe the "deceased" had a fear of the dark. Maybe I had interrupted an amateur seance and there was a group of mischievious teens lurking in the woods waiting for me to leave.
Regardless of the motive, I had at least solved a mystery for the night, so my time wasn't completely wasted!

24 August 2010

A GRIPping Tale!


You may recall my post regarding my difficulties with Custom Killer Grips. Well, thanks to the power of the internet, I recieved a response from Ray Duldulao. He explained all the difficulties the company was having due to overwhelming demand. I suppose there is such a thing as too much success too soon. His company DOES indeed put out some quality products, so I certainly hope they can overcome their growing pains and continue to bring their offerings to market. Ray offered to make things right with me and offered sincere apologies.
The ying and yang of it is: today I recieved a way cool set of custom rattlesnake skin grips for my beloved Taurus 1911/460 Rowland. The pics just don't do these babies justice! Every Monster Hunter/Action Figure/Hero-type needs a "signature weapon". Conan with his sword, Dirty Harry with his SW29 .44magnum (and later the Automag), Rambo with his M60, so I may well make this my personal carry piece whenever practical. (hey, you STILL have to have the right tool for the job!)




So, I'm happy now! Well, sorta. Now the rest of the pistol looks a bit too plain! I reblued it myself to get rid of the bright "Taurus billboard" on the slide. (yeah, I can give myself a "blue-job"!) But now I'm thinking it really needs a deep, polished blue, maybe some polished stainless accent pieces, then I'll need to find a snakeskin belt/holster combo, maybe a rattlesnake jacket, a pair of pointy-toed snakeskin boots, one of those cool rattlesnake cowboy hats with a snake head on the brim...
(Hmmm...on second thought, sometimes too much is just TOO much!) :)

08 August 2010

Locals, Monsters, And Local Monsters

Point Pleasant, WV, Fouke, AR, The New Jersey Pine Barrens, Loch Ness, Scotland. What do these disparate locales have in common? Monsters! Not only that, but these areas have embraced their place in cryptozoological history and indeed have entire cottage industries celebrating their respective creatures. Take a trip to any of these areas (among others) and you'll find that their pride in their local monsters is evident.
But, what about other places? Regions where the locals are more close-mouthed about the monsters of their past and/or present? I live adjacent to Alabama's Bankhead National Forest. The people in this area are your typical hard working, self-sufficient, types. People to whom the phrase "mind your own business" is less advice and more a way of life. Don't get me wrong, we're not talking Deliverance here, but we ARE talking about a place where you can buy some some land, raise children and grandchildren, and after you're laid to rest after a long life, the folks at the local store would still refer to you as "those new folks". Independence, self-reliance, and a natural distrust of outsiders are part of the makeup of residents of this area. In fact, before the Civil War, when the state of Alabama seceded from the Union, the residents of this area went them one better and decided to secede from Alabama, forming The Free State of Winston.
So, is it possible that this heavily forested area hides any monsters? Yes, quite possible. While detailed reports and witness accounts are hard to come by, I do know of a few hunters and campers who've described BF-type creatures, plus some strange and horrifying vocalizations. And this area isn't without a history of creepy creatures. Among them
The White Thang. "White Things" seem to be a unique staple of Southern monster lore, with accounts from a few places in Alabama and West Virginia, among others. Another local legend is that of the infamous Downey Booger. Again, there are a number of similar cryptids described in Southern folklore, often referred to as boogers, wildmen, or wolly-boogers. Are these accounts describing the same type of creature or phenomenon?
Remember, fellow monster hunters, just because a region isn't "known" for a monster or creature, doesn't mean there aren't any there. Maybe the locals just don't talk about them. Maybe they don't want the attention, the droves of outsiders, the nuisance of a bunch of monster hunters and researchers descending onto their little corner of the world.
If your research leads you into such an area, a little respect goes a long way. If possible, find someone familiar with the area and its people to serve as a guide, go-between, or negotiator. You just may turn up something!

28 July 2010

New Blog Up

I've finally got some posts up at my new blog. It's called "Gummerfan Exposed" and you can find it here.

24 July 2010

Aloha and Mahalo (for now!)

I've decided to start another blog. Since I bill this one as "paranormal", "high strangeness",or "cryptozoology", I figure I'm doing my faithful readers a disservice by posting so much off-topic stuff.
So, I'm just gonna start another one where I'll have more freedom re what I post. Observations, some ranting and venting, some apologies for my existence, probably a whole lotta whining, maybe serve up the occasional fresh slice-o-hell from my daily life.
I'll be keeping the "HQ" more on topic and post relevant stuff here. Once I get the new one up and going, I'll let you know. Til then, I leave you with the words of the greatest genius of the 20th century, Groucho Marx:

Hello, I must be going
I cannot stay, I came to say I must be going
I'm glad I came but just the same I must be going...
I'll stay a week or two,
I'll stay the summer through,
But I am telling you,
I must be
Going

18 July 2010

Fairies and The Fool Of The Forth

"Cause there's something bout a Sunday
Makes a body feel alone
And there's nothing short of dyin
Half as lonely as the sound
Of those sleeping city sidewalks
Sunday morning coming down"
- Kris Kristofferson -

"Well there's something bout a Sunday
It's a most peculiar gray
Strollin' down the avenue
That's known as A1A..."
- Jimmy Buffett -

I hate Sunday mornings. Not sure why, I mean it's usually the only day I get to sleep in. Maybe it's because I've got a whole day with nothing to do but all the good gun stores are closed.
Anyway, last night I finished Curran's "Dark Fairies". It's a good reference for the darker side of fayery lore. (spelling it "fayery" instead of "fairy" makes you look like you know what you're talking about, kinda like "magik", "magick" or "vampyre").
I learned about a few places in Ireland, Scotland, and possibly Jordan that I'd love to visit. Places where mortals shouldn't tread. There's supposedly a hidden fortress in Ireland haunted by some particularly dangerous fayery creatures who drink the blood of any human who dares enter. (but there not vampires, er, vampyres, they have nothing in common with vampire lore, and vampires don't always drink blood anyway, it's knowledge like that that seperates the pros from the amatuers). Maybe Josh Gates can strap on a parasail and a butt-fan and fly over the island looking for it.
There's also a cave where the Sluaghs dwell. These tiny creatures are no larger than a bee, but they always appear in a vast horde, like an intelligent cloud. The Sluagh are known for hurling stones, sticks, fairy bolts and elshot at humans and cattle, resulting in injury and death. There are even accounts of them bearing people up into the air and carrying them miles away from their homes. I figure my level IIa ballistic armor and riot helmet should be enough protection should I encounter these nasty little buggers.
But, there's one character I'd prefer to avoid. The Fool of The Forth travels about, carrying in his hand a wand or rod with which delivers his "touch". The touch of the Fool takes away the victim's power and reason. Permanently sapping the strength and mental capacity of the poor soul, sometimes resulting in death. Persons who suffered from a paralysis and/or loss of reason were said to have recieved "the stroke". Yeah, that's where the medical term comes from, and I'll bet it's also the origin for the phrase "touched in the head". Ironically, I often joke about "when I have my stroke", though I didn't realize I was referring to a fairy with a magic wand. I did find a little more on the web at this site with a little more about the Fool. Check it out.

17 July 2010

Why I'll Never Write A Book

Earlier tonight I read about

I Write Like, a website where you paste in a few paragraphs of your writing and it supposedly tells you which writers you, well, write like. So, I fed it a few examples of my blog posts. Who'd I get? Hunter S. Thompson? No. Hemingway? Uhh-uhh. Jay McInerny? Nahh. My results, based on the excerpts I tried were: Dan Brown, Stephen King, J.K. Rowling, and David Foster Wallace. One depressed, suicidal genius and three hacks. (albeit three successful hacks!). So, I thought I'd share the results with my caring, supportive wife. Maybe if she saw that some website compared my writing to three best-selling authors, she'd stop hassling me so much about wasting time on the internet, maybe take my dreams seriously, possibly offer some encouragement. But, COPS was on, and some guy wouldn't "stay on the ground!", so she pretty much told me to shut up so she could witness this monumental event.
And THAT'S why I'll never be an author.
"Poetry has its origin in emotion recollected in tranquility"
Wordsworth hit the nail on the head with that one. While he was speaking of poetry, the same applies to any other form of writing as well. Even blogging. You start out with a head (or heart) full of emotions and strong feelings, sit back and attempt to translate those emotions into a cogent, lucid assortment-o-words. Too much emotion and not enough tranquility (or vice versa) = no writing.
I confess I've never read any of Wallace's stuff, but the Wiki entry listed some of his influences as Donald Barthulme (who I like) and Flannery O'Connor (who's not only good, but Southern, as well!). His writing has won lots of accolades and awards, he struggled with depression for over 20 years, and he committed suicide by hanging himself. (I'm a touch bipolar myself, and I define a "good day" as "any day I don't hang myself"!) So, I'm gonna have to check out some of his stuff.
Maybe that's why I hunt monsters, and study UFOs and other high strangeness. My life is so confused, discombobulated, and laden with issues that I'm sort of seeking validation. Maybe by confronting something horrible, frightening, and inexplicable, dragging it out into the sunlight, and defeating it, I feel I'll be saying to the world, "Lookie here! I'm relevant! I have a right to exist! So screw you guys!". Perhaps my attempts to explain the unexplainable are really just a projection of my need to explain myself.

Hanging In There!
I got to see my other OC today when she stopped by. Some people just don't realize how delightful their mere presence can be.

13 July 2010

Earth Vs The Aliens (again)

"Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun"- Mao Tse-tung -
"How's about a planetary death ray?"- Gummerfan -


I read a lot of sites and books about the so-called "Alien Coverup". The typical theory is that our duly-elected leaders and representatives and/or the "Global Elite" supposedly have knowledge of the existence of "aliens" (whether from outer space or the center of the earth) and have some kind of agreement with them. Part of this agreement involves keeping the existence of the aliens a secret, covering up any evidence, spreading disinformation, debunking reports, and denying all knowledge of their existence or presence.
This poses the key question: WHY? If certain people do indeed have knowledge or evidence of the existence of these creatures, why would they cover it up? What motivation would a government have to keep this knowledge a secret?
The favorite reason among conspiracy theorists is that "mankind isn't ready" (though apparently the conspiracy theorists consider themselves to be!). The prevailing attitude is that if "The Truth" were known, the human population would panic, religions and established value systems would crumble, chaos would ensue, and there would be mass riots, looting, suicides, murders, and also a whole lot of giggling. Humanity would suffer a race-wide identity crisis.
My reply to this is: Bullshit! Our history is full of examples of science challenging and disproving the contemporary paradigms. Copernicus, Galileo, Darwin, Pastuer, Einstein, Ben Franklin, Neal Armstrong... Diseases are caused by microscopic organisms, the Earth isn't the center of the universe, living creatures evolve and change, lightening is electricity, the moon isn't made of cheese and the earth isn't flat and we can blow it up if we want to. Mankind's collective ego has survived thus far, and those who choose to cling to their personal values, belief systems or religions continue to do so. So I don't buy for a second that our leaders and/or elites are keeping us in the dark for our own good.
One must never forget that ALL politics, negotiations, agreements, and most other forms of intercourse are based on Greed and Fear. And world leaders, the super-wealthy, the global powers that be are so far beyond the normal "human condition" that Greed is utterly blase'. We're talking about individuals with the kind of power and wealth that warps minds, people who engage in sexual acts with racehorses and trumpets. Nothing the Space Bros could offer them would arouse interest. (well, maybe immortality!)
So, the only other tool, the only leverage an advanced race would have over these individuals is Fear. Just a convincing display of unthinkable power and unspeakable cruelty. A preview of the hellish fate that awaits those who don't play spaceball. Brutal mutilations? DNA reprogramming to turn the victims into hideous, mindless blobs of what was once a human being, the wholesale destruction of All We Know in the blink of an eye.
So, whenever I hear about a Government Coverup, or Alien Agenda, I wonder if the Aliens have "won the hearts and minds" of our leaders, or if they follow the dictum that: "When you've got 'em by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow".

07 July 2010

Bucket List...

Today, a nice old(er) lady gave me a CD her husband recorded. She had told me that when he turned 70, he started working on his Bucket List. One thing on the list was to sing. He had never sang before in his life, and at 70 he began taking lessons. He got some karoke music, went into a studio and recorded a CD of classic Frank Sinatra tunes. (she was impressed that I had heard of "Softly As I Leave You", what's really weird is that I was just thinking of that song the other night!). And hey, the guy's good! He's even got some performances booked here and there.
So, that kind of got me thinking about how I don't really have a Bucket List. Frankly, I just don't think that far ahead for one thing. My longest-term goal right now is to make it through tomorrow. Plus, I don't believe death is The End. I'm convinced I'll be back. If I thought this one little life, these few years on Earth, this blink of an eye, is all there is, I'd go irrevocably, irretrievably, incurably insane. Just lock me up in a rubber room where I can drool and fondle myself without bothering anyone else.
Sure, I've got a few "dreams", I'd like to find Bigfoot, bag a Lake Monster, maybe solve the whole UFO/Alien/Government Conspiracy Thing,bust into Area 51, uncover the Dulce underground complex, spend some time at the Skinwalker Ranch, but hey, far better men than I have tried and failed at these, and I don't see how I could fare any better.
So, I figure my personal Bucket List should be realistic, and should take into account the fact that I'm destined to be permanently poverty-stricken. So, no blasting through Italy in a Ferrari GTO, or zooming down the Autobahn in a RUF Porsche, no gambling in Monte Carlo or exploring the hidden tunnels in the Holy Land. I won't waste my time trying to get chummy with Loren Coleman, or hoping to bang numerous celebrity babes.(sorry, Rachael!)
So far, I've only got two things on my Official Gummerfan Bucket List:
1: Make Bucket List
2: Die
(hey, it's a start!)

02 July 2010

"Some Men See Things..."

"Some men see things as they are and ask why I dream things that never were and ask why not?" - Robert Kennedy-

Nice quote. But my problem is: Sometimes I get all caught up in seeing things as I'd like them to be that I actually convince myself that that's the way things can be. Then, I get one of those moments of clarity and realize that things are not, and can never be that way. Then, I get all frustrated with myself for being so stupid as to believe that in the first place. So THEN, I beat myself up for letting myself get into that situation yet again.
And it's really over something that I know is totally pointless to begin with anyway. But even when I'm thinking about how ridiculous and pointless it is, I'm still thinking about it, so I beat myself up again.
It's a thorn in my side, a cross I must bear, I suppose.
It really bugs me that I allow myself to get so vexed over something that I can't control anyway.
Happens a lot.

01 July 2010

Earth Vs the Aliens

I posted a while back about the Kelly-Hopkinsville Incident, in which a stalwart band of humans apparently staved off an alien attack on a rural Kentucky farm in 1955.
But (according to UFO and internet lore, anyway), this was neither the first nor the last time the human race has gone toe-to-toe with advanced beings from another planet, or other dimension, or other plane, or wherever these things come from.
Prior to Kelly, there was the famous "Battle of Los Angeles" in 1942. While dismissed by some as a combination of wartime jitters, trigger-happy antiaircraft gunners, and a possible errant balloon, others who were there adamantly insist that the US military attacked and even shot down a large, saucer-shaped craft. A big flying disc that performed impossible maneuvers and soaked up a helluva lotta flack before finally going down or flying away. (depending on the report)
While less famous than the Battle of LA, the internet (especially the conspiracy sites) are chock full-o-info on the so-called Dulce (NM) Battle or Dulce Wars. In 1975 there was a battle between a US military security force and the alien residents of the secret underground base near Dulce NM. In the first battle (circa 1975, details are sketchy) several dozen security personnel and top scientists were killed. I also found a (rather humorous) account of a second battle that occurred in 1979. This particular battle involved elite members of the US Delta Force, CIA agents, former astronauts, and was partially funded by none other than H. Ross Perot. (I KNEW there was a good reason I wanted to vote for that guy!). In this spectacular mission, not only did our heroes manage to gain entrance to multiple levels of the underground base, they also rescued "thousands" of human females who were being held captive and used for unauthorized alien genetic experiments. (not to mention the occassional alien orgy, mustn't forget the orgies!), they also liberated one of the alien saucers as a getaway/rescue vehicle. AND, they accomplished this mission in approximately one hour! (GO JOE!) I read a detailed account of this second battle on the Rumor Mill News site. But, the author of this report must've been fed a great deal of disinformation, given the number of errors and a demonstrable lack of understanding of weapons and tactics. (I'm still giggling about the "M203 standalone 40mm grenade launcher", some of you will understand why...)
And, I've also seen a report about yet another alien firefight at none other than the famous "Skinwalker Ranch". It seems that some of Mr. Bigelow's security forces got into a skirmish with some alien entities who were emerging from one of those damned portals. It's reported that their were some human casualties, but no word on whether or not they successfully ventilated any of the aliens. (guys were probably using those pipsqueek 5.56 calibers, when will people learn to USE ENOUGH GUN?!)

Since we haven't had a fullscale global takeover, it would appear that we're holding our own so far. Looks like the score is holding at 5-0. Or, is that just what those sneaky little bastards want us to think?

27 June 2010

"Paranormal": It's More Than Ghosts!

My old (1969) edition of The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language defines "paranormal" thusly: "
adj. Not within the range of normal experience or scientifically explainable phenomena."
Call me conservative, call me a geek or nerd. Call me an old fart and speculate on how much free time I must have or whether or not I have what you'd call "a life", but I don't care. I'm getting tired of every Google or Amazon search containing the word "paranormal" returning page after page of results about nothing but ghosts, ghost hunters, ghost hunting groups, ghost hunter TV shows, ad nauseum.
When I was a kid, the topic of the paranormal included everything from the Abominable Snowman, to UFOs, to psychic phenomena, ancient astronauts, Atlantis and MU, to, yes, ghosts and hauntings. In 7th grade, my teacher gave me a whole class period to discuss everything from Von Daniken, to Hans Holzer, to the Betty & Barney Hill abduction case.
But now, (thanks to "TAPS", I suppose) the word "paranormal" has been completely co-opted by the ghost hunter community. Another factor is that the cryptozoology community, striving to be recognized as a "legitimate" science, has distanced itself from anything related to the word. Never mind that Bigfoot, the Mothman, Nessie, Ogopogo, and any number of other all-stars of cryptozoology are, by definition, "Not within the range of... scientifically explainable phenomena."
I can't help but chuckle at the thought of the residents of paranormal hot spots trying to seek assistance from any of today's groups, or even trying to ascertain which discipline would consider these areas worthy of study.
TAPS: "So, you've got mysterious glowing balls of light? Phantom creatures attacking your cattle? UFOs? A gateway to another dimension with a humanoid crawling out? Cattle mutilations? Sorry, we can't help you. We're a paranormal society, so we just do ghosts."
Cryptozoologist: "What do you mean, these creatures appear and disappear at will? They emerge from UFOs or portals? Objects are moving around in your home? Sorry, we can't help you. We're cryptozoologists, so we only do undiscovered animals. Call us back if you find a weird frog."
UFOlogist: "So, you're seeing lights in the sky? (yawn) These creatures you're seeing, are they short, gray humanoids with almond-shaped eyes and big heads? Oh, they're more like giant wolves, phantom cats, and large hairy bipeds? Sorry, we can't help you, we're UFOlogists, so we only do unknown aircraft."
I realize I can't fight the inevitability that words change over time, that definitions are occassionally re-defined, but it's a shame that even a simple word has become a hinderance to our progress in understanding the weirdness of the universe around us.

26 June 2010

Crop Circles: Djinn Again?

I just caught a repeat of "Unexplained Mysteries" this afternoon. This episode was about the phenomenon of Crop Circles. Among the usual theories (all hoaxes, extraterrestrials) the theory that they are some sort of bizarre natural occurance was mentioned. A scientise attributed them "plasma vortices". Of course, the scientist couldn't explain exactly what these vortices are, how they form intelligently designed geometric shpes, or why they only occur in certain areas.
Another investigator commented on the observation that crop circle formations typically exhibit seens of electromagnetic disturbances. The crops within the circle display genetic mutations, and the circles have higher EMF readings than the surrounding area.
Again, the idea that these formations are formed by intelligent beings composed of plasma would nicely fit the observed data, no?
So, the bar is open, Jinn, anyone?

23 June 2010

What Could We Pin on the Djinn?

This is the last of my series of boring posts on the theory that the Djinn of Islamic tradition my exist, may be composed of plasma, and my be responsible for a great deal of paranormal phenomena. For more background on this line of thought, read my two previous posts for an introduction.
So, if the Djinn are in fact an intelligent lifeform, composed of the electrically charged state of matter known as plasma, and if they possess intelligence and free will, have their own varying agendas, just what can men pin on the Djinn? Let's begin:

UFOs: if the Djinn are living plasmic entities, they could obviously appear as lights in the sky, and being essentially gaseous, they could easily perform those impossible maneuvers. They could manifest in a limitless variety of shapes and sizes. The Quran states that the evil Djinn's goal is to persuade man to believe something, anything, other than the Quaran. So, if a ufo witness starts believing in little green men, the Djinn have done their job.

Aliens: there are stories of Djinn having sexual relations with humans (like the incubi and succubi). The prevailing belief is that such unions cannot produce offspring, but another opinion is that the offspring produced (male or female) will always be sterile. If the Djinn are trying to interbreed with humans, this would fit in nicely with the accounts of alien abductees being used to gather genetic material in an attempt to produce the famous "alien hybrid".

Ghosts/hauntings/poltergeists: as I related before, some Djinn prefer to reside in desolate, isolated locations. Think of some of the most famous haunted locations: abandoned hospitals and prisons, ancient ruins, ghost towns, abandoned mines, and of course, cemeteries. There is even a "tribe" of Djinn known as ghuls (ghouls?) who are particularly fond of cemeteries. It's often been commented on by the ghost hunting community that cemeteries would seem to be the last place one would find a restless spirit, but it's a great place to find a Djinn!
As intelligent plasmic beings, the Djinn would have no trouble producing EVPs, anomalous photographic or video images, even piloerections or audible voices. It goes without saying that a plasmic entity could certainly produce the results TAPS fans are so fond of duplicating. (battery drain, EMF and KII readings, temperature variations...)

Psychic phenomena: the literature suggests that Djinn can possess people or objects. This poses some interesting questions. Are mediums contacting the spirits of the departed, or do they have a tricky Djinn whispering in their ear? Is a psychometrist really picking up images from an object, or is a Djinn possessing the object and feeding the psychic information? Is a Djinn travelling to a target area and back in the blink of an eye and relaying information to a remote viewer via electromagnetic transmission to the brain? Is what we label psychokinesis merely the antics of a Djinn attempting to disrupt our whole belief system?

And what about monsters?

The majority of BF and other sightings of hairy hominids take place in the same remote areas that the Djinn prefer to call home. Are they materializing in an attempt to keep people away? To cause us to question what we believe to be true? This could well explain those mysterious appearnces and disappearances BF is famous for, even tracks leading for miles only to suddenly end.
Europe, especially the UK, and to a lesser extent the US have a tradition of mysterious phantom black dogs. I raised an eyebrow when I read that one of the favorite forms assumed by the Djinn is that of... a large black dog.
The ability of the Djinn to assume any form they desire, from humanoid to a big lake monster would is probably limitless. From werewolves to lake monsters, to Bigfoot & kin, to the vaiety of other monstrous beings encountered by humans throughout history.

Vampires: Surprisingly, I wasn't able to find any evidence that the Djinn could be responsible for the volumes of vampire lore. I haven't read anything that would lead me to believe that they drain either blood or energy from humans.
However, there are a few parallels with vampire lore. In the early vampire folklore, vamire attacks were often associated with what we today would label poltergeist phenomena. Bumps in the night, thrown objects, moving furniture, stuff like that. No problem for the Djinn. Also, in the Egyptian Books Of The Dead, the vampiric beings known as the "khu" were fond of hanging around dung heaps and outhouses. There are similar accounts of vampires or demons hanging around toilets in Greek and Roman folklore. Toilets are another favorite haunt of the Djinn. (it's written in the Quaran that the dung of humans and their cattle is the food of Djinn animals).
(try pointing out to some Twilight fan that a vampire is more likely to be found in a shitpile or slaughterhouse than a bedroom or Goth club and prepare to be disbelieved!)

Perhaps, with more advances in science and a better understanding of plasma, we may someday be able to literally put athe Djinni in a bottle!

NOTE: Due to the fact that I've immeresed myself in Islamic literature for the past few weeks, my co-workers have actually expressed concern that I'm gonna turn into "some kind of Muslim". First off, I have no problem with the Muslim religion. "Muslim" does NOT equal "terrorist" or "extremist". But, I have no plans to convert. I love my bacon and sausage too much, plus there's my weakness for a hot female bod that I could never, EVER, overcome!

20 June 2010

Are The Djinni Made Of Plasma?

I've finally got a whole weekend off for a change and I've been trying to make the most of it. In my case, this involves a lot of mango-ritas, a few hours of semi-consciousness, the expenditure of a considerable quantity of ammunition, and (since mangoes are like Viagra to me) some other semi-religious activities.
But, since I feel I owe something to my few loyal readers, I suppose I should take the opportunity to catch up on the ol' neglected blog.
Now that I've discussed the properties and characteristics of plasma and some of the lore regarding the entities known as the Djinni, next thing on my agenda is to look at Imbrogno's theory that the Djinni are beings created from plasma, and just what that could mean to the world of monsters, the paranormal, cryptozoology, ufology, and general high strangeness. While researching this subject I read "Secrets of Angels, Demons, Satan and Jinns, Decoding their Nature through Quaran and Science" by Mahmood Jawaid. Jawaid is a research chemical engineer and a follower of Islam. As a Muslim, Jawald is limited to a literal interpretation of the Quaran and Islamic writings. Since I'm a certified infidel, I labor under no such restrictions, so, while I agree he makes some great points given the framework he must work in, I have a different opinion. He theorizes that while man was created from "clay", (solid matter, cells) and the angels were created from pure light (energy, photons), the Djinn were created from carbon dioxide (gas, molecules). He argues some good points regarding how their nature can be explained by this theory. However, I still think Imbrogno's "plasma argument" is more persuasive.
First, the Djinn occupy a place between man and the angels. Angels are beings of pure light and energy. Makes sense to me. Man, being created from solid matter, is stuck in the material world. A world of three dimensions, with physical limitatiions. If the Djinn were created from CO2, I feel their power would be too limited, and some of the traits attributed to them would require quite a stretch. However, since the Djinn occupy a "middle ground" between pure matter and pure energy, plasma would fit the order nicely, since it is a state of "charged matter", somewhere in between pure matter (man) and pure energy (angels). Such a being would possess abilities beyond the boundaries of the purely physical, yet still face certain limitations compared to a being of pure energy. IMO, this fits in nicely with the given cosmology.
A plasmic being would be able to pass through solid matter, traverse great distances in the blink of an eye, and (in accordance with Islamic, folkloric, and magical traditions) be vulnerable to iron (due to its magnetic properties) or copper, or silver (due to their high conductivity). An intelligent plasmic being could hypothetically manipulate its structure and appearance, and due to its electromagnetic properties, could even influence our limited senses, contolling what we see, hear, feel, or otherwise sense.
Paranormal researchers often toss about ideas of other dimensions, parallel universes, the spirit world, etc. Magical traditions differentiate between the physical, etheric, astral, mental, and spiritual levels of existence.
The Djinn as beings of plasma fit nicely into these various models. They occupy a different dimension in a sense. Their plasmic nature dovetails perfectly with the concept of the "ether" or etheric level.
And, as I will later discuss, they could well be to blame for a vast variety of paranormal phenomena and experiences.

Now, a personal note to "June" (whoever you are!):
I strongly urge you to reconsider your recent decision. The course of action you have chosen will cause you to lose two of your friends, and will cause innocent people to suffer. You do not fully comprehend the consequences of your actions, you are operating under a gross deception. It's not too late to stop. If you continue, you will most assuredly regret it.

19 June 2010

The Djinn: Pesky Plasmic Paranormal Pranksters?

Because I believe that what we call the "paranormal" or "supernatural" is simply the "normal" and "natural" that we haven't figured out yet, and since I also believe that religion, superstitions, and folklore are attempts to explain these same phenomena, I've developed my own personal "smell test" whenever I encounter a theory or idea regarding heavy weirdness.
Does it make sense? How well does it jibe with the recorded accounts and folklore? Is there a possibility that it could someday be proven by science? Does it provide an explanation for one or more unexplained phenomena?
So, basically I run the idea through multiple filters of comparative religions, scientific theory, folkloric tales, even systems of magic. Philip Imbrogno's theory that paranormal activity may be the work of the entities known as the Djinn, and that the Djinn are intelligent entities composed of plasma, holds up incredibly well to my criteria.
Like most Westerners (particularly non-Muslims) I didn't know a whole heckuva lot about the Djinn. I've heard of 'em, I've run across a few references in some of the books I've read, but they were always just dismissed as a form of demon. Actually, the truth is far more fscinating than that. So, I've been reading up on these guys.
Most of what I've found comes from the Quaran, from Muslim websites, or from fatwas or opinions issued by Islamic scholars.
So, since I posted about "Plasma 101" in my previous post, here's a quick intro to "Djinn 101".

According to the Quran, the Djinn were created before man. They were created from "smokeless fire". Unlike the demons or angels of Judeo-Christian religion, the Djinn have free will. They marry, procreate, and die. Some are good, some are evil. Some seek to destroy humankind, some help humankind, some are jealous of humankind, and some just don't really give a rip.
The Djinn were commanded by Allah to bow down before man. They all complied except for Shaytan (= Satan) who considered himself superior to man, since man was formed from clay. Shaytan and his followers have since worked toward man's downfall.
While the Djinn can be found anywhere, they are particularly fond of desolate areas. (put on you Ghost Hunter hat and think about abandoned hospitals, closed prisons, cemeteries...).
The Djinn are normally invisible and imperceptible. The Quran staes that they can see us, but we can't see them. However, the Djinn can make themselves visible to us when they so desire. They don't like to fully manifest in physical form, since doing so makes them vulnerable, so they choose to appear in a more "subtle" form. Djinn are vulnerable to metals, particularly iron and copper. (like many supernatural beings from ghosts to vampires and werewolves). An attack by an evil Djinn can be stopped if the victim prays or quotes from the Quaran. How many times have we run across similar accounts from victims of night terrors, ghosts/poltergeists, shadow people, even "alien grays"? I know of quite a few reports of such victims warding off their supernatural predator by praying or quoting the Lord's Prayer or a Psalm.
There are plenty more parallels between the Djinn and some of our better-known Western entities.
In my next post I'll be tying more of this together as I explain the similarites between Djinn and other supernatural phenomena, as well as making the case that they may well be beings composed of plasma.

11 June 2010

Plasma, The Building Block of Weirdness?

I haven't posted in a while (and all those impatient, ungrateful bastards on feedburner have stopped following me!) but I have been busy looking into some new and exciting stuff. It's gonna take a while to get it all posted, so I'm going to break it up into different parts, the first of which is a bit on the boring side.
I've been reading up on a theory that involves plasma (not the stuff in your bloodstream, the other stuff). Since I'm no "nook-lar fizz-cist", I found some material on this site the highlights of which I'll be posting.
So, let's get ready for "Plasma 101"!

Plasma is overwhelmingly the dominant constituent of the universe as a whole... Neither solid, nor liquid, nor gas, a plasma most closely resembles the latter, but unlike gases whose components are electrically neutral, plasma is composed of the building blocks of all matter: electrically charged particles at high energy.
...in space, plasma remains electrically charged. Thus plasmas carry electric currents and are more influenced by electromagnetic forces than by gravitational forces. Outside Earth's atmosphere, the dominant form of matter is plasma, and "empty" space has been found to be quite "alive" with a constant flow of plasma.
...Plasma in the stars and in the tenuous space between them make up 99% of the visible universe and perhaps most of that which is not visible.

Okay, so basically, plasma is everywhere! But here are a few more pertinant facts:

The different states of matter found on Earth are solid, liquid, and gas... Sir William Crookes, an English physicist, identified another, more fundemental, state of matter in 1879. In 1929, Nobel Laureate Irving Langmuir gave this stae a name, plasma. He borrowed the term from medical science because the matter with which he worked resembled life itself.
(emphasis mine, remember this!) It formed cells through bifurcation, and often acted in a complicated and unpredictable manner.

The article goes into far more detail, including listing the forms of plasma with which we are most familiar (lightening, flourescent lights, the sun, flame of fire (remember this, too!), the Auroras, and all interstellar space). It also mentions some of plasma's other properties, like how it's effected by eletromagnetic forces and nuclear explosions.
So, plasma, the fourth state of matter, is electrically sensitive, it's highly conductive (more so than copper, iron, or other metals), it's unpredictable, and it's everywhere.
So, what does this have to do with monsters, ghosts, UFOs/aliens, and other assorted high strangeness? Well, what if there existed SOME form of intelligent entity, some life form, composed of this fourth state of matter? Such a being could be omnipresent, invisible, and perhaps even capable of manipulating everything from matter, to energy, to our very thoughts.
Scary idea? Well, (hee-hee!) there may very well be just such a group of entities. And they've been around a long time!

Okay, you've stuck with me through the boring "science stuff", so how about a little treat?

Here's a pic of my MPA "Mac", recently converted to the mighty 460 Rowland caliber. 30 rounds of magnum-level firepower! Despite the compensator, it still ehibits significagnt muzzle rise (IOW, it kicks a bit!) I'm gonna experiment with some different muzzle brakes to see if I can cut it down some! You'll be seeing more of this bad boy in the future, along with one of my other eternal "power tool" projects!

05 June 2010

The Gulf Coast Oil Spill and the Ecosystem

Okay, I'm not what you'd call an enviro-wacko tree hugger, but I do love my great outdoors. I don't think the solution is more laws and regulations, I believe in letting Capitalism work.
Examples: the the timber/lumber/paper industries know that without trees, they"d be out of business, so it doth behoove them to do what? Leave some trees and plant more!
The "metals" industries know that it's cheaper to recycle than to explore, mine, and refine the same materials. I believe in recycling, not out of some sense of "duty to my planet" or in the name of "saving the environment", but simply because it makes good economic sense.
Now, about that Gulf Coast oil spill:
I LOVE my beaches. I hate the thought of seeing the beautiful sugar white sands of the Alabama Gulf Coast covered with black gloppy goo. And, I have a simple idea that would greatly help the whole Gulf problem. I don't know why nobody is doing this, maybe it's just too simple? My solution?

FREE F**KIN' OIL!!!


There's a gajillion gallons of FREE oil just floating out there in the Gulf, send out the cry that it's there for the taking. If I were a high-ranking official of a Big Oil company, I'd have all my supertankers fitted with the Jolly Roger and headed to the Gulf with all deliberate speed. Just suck up a boatload of oil, take it to the nearest refinery, repeat as often as possible.
Not only would this help greatly with the cleanup, all that free crude (requiring very little in the way of refining) would also result in lower gas prices. Hey, it's FREE! It's not like they have to explore and drill for it, right? They can just scoop it up and take it to the refinery!
The matter of the oil that's already made its way to cosatal marshlands is a bit trickier. We'll have to get our hair mussed a little on this one. I say go ahead and burn it off now. Yeah, there's gonna be some collateral damage to the environment, but if we burn it off ASAP, while it's still on the surface and in a pretty restricted area, the damage and cost would be much less than if we allow it to just slowly spread throughout the entire coastal ecosystem. Once something is allowed to worm its insidious way into every nook and cranny of an area, it's well nigh impossible to get rid of it. Yeah, a lot of wildlife and vegetation are gonna have to "take one for the team", but I still believe that dealing with it now would be overall safer for the environment than letting it stick around while humanity just scratches its collective head. (hmmm, "Collective Head", that sounds like a good name for a band, or maybe a porn flick?)
And...

SPEAKING OF FRAGILE ECOSYSTEMS:

I saw a program a couple of weeks ago about invasive species in Florida (mostly the Keys and Everglades). Giant pouched rats, anacondas,boas, and some big-assed monitor lizards. There was a lot of dire predictions about how these species will destroy the "ecosystem" if they aren't eradicated. I just shook my head at man's arrogance.
To paraphrase the late, great George Carlin, "The ecosystem is fine, the PEOPLE are screwed!".
The entire globe is rife with examples of transplanted species, wherever you go, you'll find a creature or plant that, if it didn't come from somewhere else, it has relatives there. Ecosystems evolve, they change, they adapt. And while there are plenty of examples of damage inflicted by introduced species (like the rabbits in Australia), by and large, the "system" and the people therein, learn to adjust.
While I wouldn't like the thought of piranhas in the Tennessee River (since my soft and sensitive parts are occassionally in there), we here in The South learned to adapt to fire ants, feral hogs, and the creeping, crawling chaos known as kudzu (which I must admit, DID seem like a good idea at the time!).
The ecosystem won't be destroyed, it'll just change, like everything else in the universe. The monitors will eat the rats, the boas & anacondas will eat the monitor lizards, the skunk apes will learn to make belts and boots from anaconda skin, life on the planet will go on.

30 May 2010

"The Monster Hunter In Modern Popular Culture"



I suppose it's bad form or improper to offer an opinion on a book when you haven't actually finished reading it, but in the case of Heather L. Duda's "The Monster Hunter In Modern Popular Culture", I'm not even halfway done and I can already recommend it. And with a title like that, how could I not like it?
The book is an adaptation of Duda's PhD thesis (even though she's not called "Doctor" Heather Duda, or have the "PhD" after her name on the cover, I'm certain she earned it!).
I was worried that it would be a "heavy read", like Bruce McClelland's invaluable "Slayers and Their Vampires" but it's actually an entertaining and informative book that isn't heavy on obscure folklore. Instead, Duda analyzes the monster hunter (concentrating mostly on the vampire hunter) as depicted and portrayed in fiction and cinema. From Van Helsing to Buffy, the author guides the reader through the evolution and development of the monster hunter character over the past few decades.
The author's encyclopedic knowledge of Gothic and Horror fiction and movies, from Stoker's Dracula through the modern slasher movie, earn her a position among "people I'd really like to hang out with". (when I finish the book, I am SO gonna stalk her! Just kidding, but I will try to let her know how much I enjoyed the book!)
Since the book concentrates on the vampire hunter, some of my faves are left out. No Winchesters, no Bobby Singer, and alas, no Burt Gummer. :( But Duda does include the vigilantes of graphic novels (Dark Knight, League Of Etxraordinary Gentlemen, Watchmen) and anime (Inouyasha, Vampire Hunter D) as examples of how the monster hunter has changed over time.
If you're a writer of Gothic/horror fiction (*ahem!*) you'll find some great insights into the monster hunter character as differentiated from the "classic hero". And anyone who's a fan of the genre will find it an interesting read.

Here's a link to an interview with the author with more information than I can post here.

29 May 2010

TAPS and RECAPS

I think the best thing about GH & TAPS is that they've sparked interest and encouraged others to perform their own paranormal investigations. And I think the worst thing about GH & TAPS is that they've sparked interest and encouraged others to perform their own paranormal investigations.
Contradictory? A quick web search will reveal hundreds of "Paranormal Societies" popping up all over the world. Granted, some existed before GH, but far more arose in its wake. (a big hint is if their name contains the words "paranormal society"! And just why is it that they're all "societies"? "Group", "organization", "club" not fancy enough for 'em? And why are there no "Paranormal Gangs", for that matter? but I digress...)
But by and large, these various groups aren't doing anything other than copying TAPS methods. They've got their IR cams, dvr's, maybe a thermal camera, they try to record some evp's ("EVP" stands for "Electronic Voice Phenomena", it's where a sound or voice is picked up on the recorder that wasn't heard at the time of the recording... sorry, just had to throw that in there!
I call these groups "RECAPS" (Repetiitious Endeavors to Copy Another Paranormal Society) and while there's nothing wrong with "playing TAPS" (especially if ghosts of military personnel are around, playing "taps" is quite appropriate, I suppose) the big question is, are these RECAPS doing anything to advance the field? In most cases, no. So you go to a famous haunted site. You capture some shadows on video, you record an unintelligable evp ("EVP" stands for Electronic... nevermind) or two. You even have some undocumentable personal experiences ("It was cold in there!" "I was skeered!"), you accomplish the same thing TAPS did, so what? ("But geez, they got a TV deal out of this stuff!") Sure, it may be fun, it may be exciting, you've put a notch in your belt, but you really haven't done anything to shed any new light on the phenomena, have you?
As I've said before, I've got nothing against TAPS, or GH, or even RECAPS for that matter. And hey, some of my best friends are Ghost Hunters! ;)
But, if you and your group, society, whatever, are truly lookung to advance the field, to make that big breakthrough (that might even get YOU a TV deal!), stop relying on the same ol' TAPS same ol'. Develop some new ideas, new theories, explore new territory. Why run around playing TAPS with your thermometers and voice recorders when instead you could be trying to come up with some new approaches?

27 May 2010

The Mystery Box...

Today I was at my local Post Office, which is sort of a "babe central". Our little PO is populated almost exclusively by gorgeous females, none of whom want me. (actually, I suppose that's a good thing, because otherwise I'd be forced to make some agonizing decisions!). But, alas, the hot brunette wasn't working the counter, instead the guy was there. (Oh well, that's just my luck!).
I was waiting my turn, and the customer at the counter in front of me was a guy on crutches, accompanied by a young boy with a big box.
The clerk weighed the package and gave the customer the shipping rates (he chose Priority Mail, which sounded like the best deal to me, too). So the clerk, being the consummate professional that he is, applied the postage and was about to take the box off the scale when the customer said, "I'll bet you'll never guess what's in that box." The clerk (who's probably heard that like a million times just said, "No, not really." The customer said, "It's my leg." The clerk replied, "Ooo-kay". The customer explained, "Yeah, it's my prosthetic leg, I have to send it off for some adjustments".
Sometimes you just never know what's in the box!

26 May 2010

Earth's Fate Revealed Tonight!

"Monster" is a multi-faceted word. It connotes something evil, something that must be destroyed, a horrible, threatening menace (or horrible, menacing threat?). Sometimes a "monster" isn't some blatantly obvious creature, sometimes the threats to humankind's existence are far more subtle, they lurk in the shadows, creeping up on our ungurded flanks. (well, I try to keep my flanks guarded as much as possible, but the pants gotta come off sometime))
Tonight we find out if the forces of All Hell come one step closer to bubbling up from the bowels of the earth, or if mankind has earned a (brief) reprieve. I'm referring of course to the American Idol finale and announcement of this season's winner.
I'm not one of those people who follow the show all season or anything like that. And the show has been dead to me ever since it unleashed Carrie Underwood and Kelly Pickler on the world. Talk about the gates of hell bursting open. AI has proven over and over that the average TV viewer is simply not equipped to recognize talent. Katherine McPhee was voted off. Bo Bice was passed over. Jennifer Hudson didn't win. These superior talents were passed over in favor of less-talented (though perhaps slightly more commercially viable) contestants. Truly gifted singers were punished for their escellence by the same group of people who thought voting for Obama was a good idea ('cuz MTV said so).
I face tonight with a guarded optimism. I believe it just may be possible that Crystal Bowersox could pull it off. IF that happens, some of my faith in Man will be restored. But, I'm sure there are enough empty-headed style-over-substance mediabots out there in this vast wasteland to get Lee DeWyze a win. If that happens, we're one step closer to Armageddon, my friends. A DeWyze win would be a more accurate indicator of TEOTWAWKI than that little nuclear confrontation brewing in North Korea, the death of the Euro, or the creeping, crawling chaos of the oil spill in the Gulf.
I'll be watching and hoping, but I've got plenty of magazines loaded just in case.

23 May 2010

A Sunday Drive, Gummerfan-style

Since today is the first Sunday in over a month when it hasn't been raining (or I haven't been too tired!), I thought I'd jump in the Big Weird Jeep and take a little drive around my area and share a few pics with y'all.
See this little cemetery? Nothing remarkable about it, except it's now on property owned by aerospace company Boeing. That's the big white complex in the background. Technically, I may have been trespassing (just a little!) to get this shot. Since trespassing on property owned by a major aerospace defense contractor, not to mention snapping pics of same, could result in an afternoon filled with waterboards, rubber hoses, and tasers to the genitals, I decided to move on down the road.
Here's another cemetery in an unexpected place.


It's hard to see from the pic, but this particular cemetery is smack dab in the middle of somebody's cornfield!




Since trampling through a farmer's crop is not a good idea, I couldn't get much closer to this one, either.

Does the town of Leighton, AL mean anything to you? Probably not. BUT, if you've ever heard a little song called "When A Man Loves A Woman", you might be interested in knowing that somewhere down that road is the home of the great Percy Sledge. I used to work in a truckstop near here, and every now and then Percy would come in for fried chicken. One night he was there and Michael Bolton's cover of the song was playing on the radio. A customer came up to the counter chuckling and said, "That guy back there says he's Percy Sledge!" I looked back at the deli counter and said, "Yep. That's Percy."




This is an actual roadsign. Gotta love it!
I stopped on the way back and snapped these last few shots...




Nothing unusual here, I just love me a good swamp!!

Bigfoot And...(wait for it!...) Zombies!

As a proud, longtime member of the FVZA (Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency, the only "Zombie" organization I've run across that has anything approaching a realistic treatment of the Zombie threat (in the event of a zombie apocalypse, I've found that most groups, sites, and organizations will be able to measure their life expectancy with a stopwatch!) I keep an eye on different "Zombie Survival" websites, books, and movies.
And, like Zombies, Bigfoot has numerous websites, groups, and organizations devoted to it as well. What do BF and Zeds have in common? Well, it seems that there is vast number of self-proclaimed experts on both subjects. These authori-tahs are always willing to share their expertise with anyone who'll listen and present their ideas, theories, or opinions as "known facts", sharing "what we all know" about the subjects in question.
Examples:
"We all know that Zombies have acute senses of smell and hearing, they can detect humans from miles away."

The truth is, we have no idea how Zombies detect us. The Zombie books and movies demonstrate that Zombies can detect humans even without the benefit of their eyes, or noses, or ears. How DO they find us? We don't know, but logic and biology dictate that if anything, Zombie senses are no better than our own, maybe even worse.

"Bigfoot can smell us coming in the woods. We have to mask our scent, BF can even smell the plastic in camera traps, that's why can't get a good trailcam pic."
Again, biology dictates otherwise. Great apes hunt by sight, not smell. BF's sense of smell is probably better than ours, but there's no biological basis for the assumption (presented as fact) that BF has a super-sensitive sniffer.

"We all know that when the Zombies come, the best plan is to loot the nearest gun store and hole up in the mall or Walmart."
Yeah, good luck with that. I know a lot of gun store owners. You do NOT want to be anywhere near one of those places when TSHTF! As for the mall and Walmart, yeah, right. EVERYONE'S gonna be thinking the same thing. A bunch of panicy, trigger-happy, heavily armed yahoos determined to stake their claim in an essentially lawless environment. Nice knowin' ya!

"We all know that Bigfoot is nocturnal."
No, we don't. This "conventional wisdom" is based on the number of strange sounds in the night, or tales of nightime visits. Truth is, great apes are diurnal (active in the day). IF Bigfoot is a nightimer, such behaviour would be a defensive adaptation or behaviour. But again, there are plenty of reports of daytime sightings. And, any primatologist will tell you that the eyes of a great ape aren't optimized for BF's reported super night vision. If we can't see, BF can't see.

"Me and my friends can get my cousin's best friend's neighbor's .22 rifle, a machete, and a baseball bat and save our city from the Zombies."
No doubt you'll do okay, til you run out of ammo, or your arms get tired, or you get pinned down, surrounded, and starved out. Or you get stuck on the other side of town because you thought you'd go save that hot cheerleader who won't give you the time of day and then she'd pretty much have to "do" you.

"We all know that Bigfoot can be attracted by using pheromone scent baits."
I like this one! But, pheromones are species-specific. Bigfoot MAY show up out of curiousity ("Hmmm, what's that baboon twat smell doing in East Texas?") But unless you've got genuine BF pheromones, you're not gonna elicit the desired response. Also, great apes (and most other primates) don't have a mating season anyway. They're pretty much opportunistic when it comes to getting some. BF can walk erect (like man) and probably does so a lot. (like man!)

"My particular Bigfoot Research Group is THE best. We're well-equipped, we've done our homework, we go into the woods every weekend, we know where to look, we know how to find the evidence."
Well, good for you. And you've produced...what?

"My particular Zombie Survival group is THE best. We're well-equipped, we've done our homework, we practice headshots every weekend, we know where to go, we know how to survive."
Well, good for you. And you'll be able to prove your claims...when?

Despite everything above, I can't help but wonder if there isn't yet another similarity between Bigfoot and Zombies:
I've read quite a few instances of Bigfoot being shot (or shot at). BUT, to my knowledge, nobody's ever shot one IN THE HEAD.
Maybe there's something to that?

22 May 2010

Blog Awards!




Aww, geez! My friend, follower, fan, and fellow blogger Autumnforest at Ghost Hunting Theories (who is ten times the blogger I am, if followers are any indication!) has presented me with a couple of accolades.
But, since it seems everything has its price, there are some conditions to accepting these honors. For the "Beautiful Blogger" award (beautiful? never thought I'd see that word associated with me!) I have to reveal seven things nobody knows about me. I assume that means nobody who reads my blog. This is a toughie, but I'll give it a go.
1. I've seen the movie "Edward Scissorhands" twice, a few years apart. I teared up both times, and I'll NEVER watch it again.
2. I once set my leg on fire playing around with fire and gasoline. I was three years old.
3. Back when I worked at a convenience store, I tried to stop a gas "drive-off" by grabbing onto the car. I hung on for almost a mile until the guy slammed on his brakes and threw me off. (he got caught and went to jail, I got some paid time off from work, plus the store chain owner paid to replace my shredded pants and shoes)
4. (not even halfway done & this is gettin' tough already!) Politically, I'm pretty conservative, yet some of my favorite musical artists are 60's hippie folk singers. (Bob Dylan, Joan Baez, Simon & Garfunkel, Janis Joplin, The Mamas & The Papas, I could go on...)
5. One of my life's goals is to learn "99 Luftballoons" in the original German.
6. In my youth I built and test-detonated a few non-registered "destructive devices" (the statutes of limitations have long past now!)
7. (whew!) I went for 8 years without cutting my hair. I could sit on it. When I finally got it cut, the braid was over 36" long. (I donated it to the "Locks of Love" charity, so at least it went to good use!)
Aww, crap! Ijust realized I gotta do another one! Okay...
8. For a time, I went through what I call my "Vigilante Phase". Late one night, I heard over the police scanner that a high speed pursuit was coming my way. I ended it by playing a game of "chicken" with the fleeing car. I drove straight toward him on the wrong side of the road, flashing my "brights" on & off. Put the Fear of Death into the guy, causing him to pull over. I heard over the scanner that the pursuing officers recognized my car, but nothing was ever said about it. (but a few weeks later I had a court date for a window tint violation and was told that the ticket was dropped) :D

For the Life is Good award, here are my answers to the obligatory 8 questions:
1. Chocolate or beer?
Chocolate (surprised? I just never have liked beer. I'm sipping a mango margarita as I write this)
2. Who would you like to see be president?
Hmmm... Sean Hannity (cuz he'd straighten this mess out!) or maybe G. Gordon Liddy (cuz things would certainly be interesting!) or me. (cuz I'm....me!)
3. Fast car or motorcycle?
Fast car (I prefer to have something between me and "the world", see #3 above!)
4. Do you talk baby talk to pets?
Cats/kittens yes, dogs no
5. Country you most want to visit?
Tough one, maybe Australia since it's got so much rugged frontier and dangerous wildlife. I like the thought of going somewhere where a flat tire can mean Certain Death.
6. If you had to live in a big city, which one?
Big city? UGH!! Maybe Las Vegas, either that or anyplace with a nice cemetery, since I doubt I'd last long!
7. What would you want to raise or grow on a farm?
Not much of a farmer, maybe a commercial nursery where I can raise lots of weird tropical plants
8. Have you ever kept a diary?
Hell no! I learned long ago never to leave any kind of paper trail! (just ask my wife whenever she wants receipts!)