Is there room in the Para/Crypto/Fortean world for a gun-toting, paranoid, bipolar, opinionated bastard? A lonely romantic in search of his lost soul? A knight, Samurai, gunslinger, born in the wrong century? A self-destructive, doom-driven survivor seeking redemption? A heavy drinking gonzo outlaw cryptozoologist whose ego is exceeded only by his libido?
No, there isn't. That's why I'm here...

28 January 2010

Big Birds & Airborne Crypto-creatures

Thunderbirds, living pterosaurs, ropens, flying humanoids, theese are among the flying anomalies of the crypto-world. There are plenty of others, the ahool, man-bats, owlman, mothman, the Jersey Devil. When it comes to the battle between man and monster, these creatures have captured the high ground.
So, how's a monster hunter to deal with these critters? They're too fast to pursue, it's impossible to predict where and when they'll pop up (maybe if one had access to an AWACS plane? Hmmm...) and of course they can appear, cause a little chaos, then disappear into the sky.
I suppose some of you may be asking, "Gee, GF, don't you have any kind of anti-aircraft capability?", "Isn't there something you can recommend?" Well, I have given this matter some thought. Since I don't have the budget for a beltfed 30cal, let alone a Ma Deuce or flak gun, what's a monster hunter to do? There's always the 10 gauge magnum goose gun (loaded with buckshot), maybe a 3 1/2" 12 gauge super magnum. Or how about a tripod mount for the G3 with a high-power scope?
But, the other problem with winged wonders (other than actually finding one) is a major legal problem. In the US, all big, soaring birds are endangered or protected in way or another. From the rare condors, to the majestic eagles and falcons, even the lowly buzzards and turkey vultures are protected. So, if your prize Thunderbird turns out to be a condor, or that pterosaur-like silhouette was in reality a whooping crane, well, you're gonna have some 'splaining to do.
What about those flying humanoids, though? These things are obviously not a bird, or a plane, especially the winged humanoids. The non-winged variety may present a problem, especially if you live near a military installation or industrial testing facility. Taking shots at a military or civilian test pilot trying out the latest in jet packs is not advised. These people have no sense of humor about such things, and the "Monster Hunter Defense" has yet to be tried in court. Remember, times have changed since the good ol' days when Commodore Stephen Decatur could fire a cannon at the Jersey Devil and nobody would complain. Things were so much simpler then.
But, winged humanoids? I suggest dual beltfed 1919A1s with a crankfire trigger, or a tripod mounted Barrett 50BMG. If you've got a Surface-To-Air Missile or chaingun stashed away, that'd be the time to whip it out.
'Cause those things just ain't natural.


Autumnforest said...

Good post. Good point. I was one of those teenaged girls who snuck out the window to meet boys, so I can make up a lie on the spot. I've had to do it enough when searching abandoned sites and graveyards after dark. So, you have a big dead bird and a smoking gun and you shrug and say "it dive-bombed me, I felt threatened." (If it was a mothman, you're a hero, if it's a big bird it's dead, who's to say it didn't attack). Wink.

Gummerfan said...

Ya' mean something like: "IT'S COMING RIGHT AT US!!" BOOM!!