Is there room in the Para/Crypto/Fortean world for a gun-toting, paranoid, bipolar, opinionated bastard? A lonely romantic in search of his lost soul? A knight, Samurai, gunslinger, born in the wrong century? A self-destructive, doom-driven survivor seeking redemption? A heavy drinking gonzo outlaw cryptozoologist whose ego is exceeded only by his libido?
No, there isn't. That's why I'm here...

07 January 2010


Yeah, I'm talkin' 'bout tha jugs, hooters, knockers, great wobblin' wazoobies, bodacious tah-tahs!
Why, you ask? Well, here's the story:
One of my coworkers is planning on having breast augmentation surgery (y'know, a boob job). Not that she needs it IMO, but she says she wants to get it just for herself, so whatever. Don't get me wrong, she's not some shallow, superficial, bimbo. Far from it. She's pretty darned incredible really. Smart, sweet, great personality, and she can't leave the house without getting hit on like 50,000 times. If I were single, younger, better looking and had more money...
But seriously, she's a great person and a good friend. Her birthday is tomorrow, but she's taking the day off, so the office threw her a party today. Complete with a pair of cakes shaped like, well, fabulous funbags.
My office is mostly women, I'm usually outnumbered by 5-6 to 1. At the party, jokes and double entendres (some unintentional) were tossed around. It was a real barrel of laughs.
I began to question something. I know that manners and mores change with society and the times. Sometimes it's hard to keep up with the changes. (example: I'm pretty sure that even now in 2010, there's still no acceptable way to ask a total stranger if she's ever done any porn, no matter how familiar she looks).
But, once the young lady returns to work after her procedure, what exactly is "Proper Boob-Job Etiquette"?
Now, I know she's not going to come back to work and take a poll or anything. She's not gonna walk around ask "Do you like 'em?" But OTOH, she's discussed it and talked about it for a couple of months now, and everybody (including me) is pretty casual about the whole thing. But, as a guy, what exactly should I say when we welcome her back?
"Hey! They did a great job!" (which means "Yeah, I'm lookin' at 'em and I approve!")
Or "You look great!" (as if she didn't look great before?)
And even an expression of concern could be misinterpreted: "So, how do they feel? you, I mean,...umm...Are they still tender?, uhh, I mean, do they hurt? DOH! I, everything okay?" I guess I could always say something lame and generic, like "Oh! Hey! You're back!" (as opposed to "Oh! Hey! Your front!")
I'm going to have to put some thought into this...


Autumnforest said...

That's pretty sweet that a guy that works around women is concerned about their feelings. In general, she'd probably just be glad you say "I'm glad you're back. It's been crazy around here without you" or something like that. If a dude went to get his scrot worked on, you probably would know he doesn't want to talk about it. Sure, she bragged about getting them, but it's like weight loss. If you make a big deal about how great she looks, she'll think she looked awful before. Girls are extremely insecure--hence the boob-job. You don't have to reference why she was gone, just that you're glad she's back.

Gummerfan said...

Sweet? Maybe. I DID mention that they've got me vastly outnumbered, right? lol!
But we're all cool about it, really. Maybe I'll just say "Okay, just let me stare for a few seconds, just to get it out of my system, and then things can all get back to normal!".
But just imagine how it would be if it was one of those uptight workplaces? I wonder just how often issues like this pop up? There needs to be a section in the employee handbook about stuff like this!

Autumnforest said...

Ideally in a by-the-books place, she wouldn't have been able to talk about the surgery. Ya'all would have just stared at her when she came back which could make her self conscious. The problem is that now her boobs might be getting her all the attention. I don't mind when men look at my babies, but I don't like them to talk to them--that creeps me out! I'm up here--bud! When I worked in an ER, nothing was off limits. I can't believe the things that were said by paramedics, cops, doctors, interns, residents, nurses... Oh my! I learned to put them in their place quickly. I'm a southern gal and we're good at immasculating with a witty cut when someone gets out of line. "Excuse me, Dr. Smith, what was that you said about my behind?" (said loudly in the ER)

Jeff said...

LOL Good luck.