Is there room in the Para/Crypto/Fortean world for a gun-toting, paranoid, bipolar, opinionated bastard? A lonely romantic in search of his lost soul? A knight, Samurai, gunslinger, born in the wrong century? A self-destructive, doom-driven survivor seeking redemption? A heavy drinking gonzo outlaw cryptozoologist whose ego is exceeded only by his libido?
No, there isn't. That's why I'm here...

28 March 2010

(Mis)Adventures In Monster Hunting

Just thought I'd share some of the humbling and humorous things that I've experienced while "on the trail".

"Laying Low"
Once I was camping out in the backwoods with some friends in prime "Wooly Boogar" territory. We were sitting around the campfire when we heard the sound of a stick breaking down river from our location, so naturally I strick out to investigate.
I found a spot along a game trail by the river and decided to see if I could "ambush" something. I went prone on my belly, both to eliminate my silhouette and to use the moonlight to illuminate the trail. My eyes hadn't fully adjusted to the darkness yet, since I had just left the campfire. So, to allow my eyes to adjust to the darkness, I thought I'd close them and lower my head and just listen for while.
So, there I was, lying on the cold, damp ground, I closed my eyes, lowered my head, and came to the sudden realization that I had just rested my chin in...a "pile". Not being a biologist or zoologist, I can't say what kind of pile it was, all I can say is that it was warm, creamy, fresh, and as the firelight later revealed, green.

How Remote Is "Remote"?

While hiking through the forest, well off the "beaten path", I spotted an opening in the rocks on a bluff. So, I decided to check it out. As I made my way up the side of the rock bluff, I wondered what I might find in there. An undiscovered cavern entrance? An abandoned mine? My mind ran wild with exotic possibilities.
After a brief, and slightly hazardous climb, I reached the entrance. And just what did I discover? The lair of a frightful beast? Archeological finds from early explorers or ancient civilization? Some mysterious relic that humans were never meant to find?
Nope. I found grafitti-covered walls and discarded beer cans.Obciously I wasn't the first to set foot here.

"Something In The Water?"

This little event is worthy of an episode of MQ or DT. Of course, nowadays there'd be infrared night camera and themal FLIR footage to increase the drama, but this was back in the 70's.
My family and some friends were camping along the Tennessee River. It was around midnight, the sky was clear and the full moon was reflecting on the river. We were all just sitting around looking out at the water when one of our party noticed something out in the water. At first, we all thought it was just the moonlight reflecting on the water, but then we noticed it was moving slowly along the river. All we could tell, even through binoculars, was that it appeared that something luminous was moving out there in the water. We couldn't determine if it was on the surface or beneath it.
After watching and wondering for a while, my dad and John (one of our friends who was famous for trying anything) decided to take the boat and check it out. (I was deemed "too young" to participate in such a potentially dangerous undertaking, could've been a Communist submarine en route to the nuclear plant, after all!) I waited on the riverbank with everyone else.
We watched as the nav lights from the boat receded into the night, drawing ever closer to the mysterious white object out in the river. We could see the spotlight from the boat switch on and begin panning across the water. And, we heard the soft sound of a distant splash.
The boat stayed out there for a few minutes, and finally made its way back to our campsite. We were all waiting for the answer to the mystery. Soviet sub? Alien USO? The luminous spirit of some long-dead drowning victim?
John (sopping wet) answered our question: "Ducks! White ducks! A bunch of white ducks swimming across the river!"
Well, that mystery was solved, but what about the splash and John's soaking wet condition? What was the story behind that? "I tried to catch one..." he answered.

26 March 2010

Popcorn, Anyone?

One of the benefits of being a "nobody" in the world of cryptozoology and anomaly research is that I have no vested interest in some of the things the "community" gets in an uproar about. I'm not allied or associated with any group or organization. And while I may have issues with certain groups or individuals, I have better things to do with my life than sit behind my computer and cast virtual stones. And even though I'm not necessarily loyal to anyone, I occasionally voice my opinion if I feel someone is being persecuted or treated unfairly.
But, Here's a new blog written by someone who doesn't share my particular set of values. Seems like someone's got a problem with the UK-centered CFZ (Centre for Fortean Zoology). Again, I myself have a few minor problems with this particular group, HOWEVER, I acknowledge their contributions to the world of cryptozoological research, CFZ member Nick Redfern is one of my favorite crypto-writers, and I find CFZ founder Jon Downes to be, well...a character.
Don't know how this little tiff between HT and the CFZ will turn out, or how long it will last, but I'm enough of a pro rasslin' fan to enjoy a fight between two colorful characters! I'm bettin' before it's over, somebody's going through a table, and maybe Jon's cane will play a decisive role as a "foreign object".
I don't have a dawg in this fight, or a horse in this race, but it could make for some entertainment nonetheless!

Super Tampa Bay Mystery Monkey Crap-flinger Go!

Here's a story about a "mystery monkey" that has been on the run in Florida, evading capture and frustrating authorities for over a year. You gotta love this line:
"Mr Yates claimed to have hit the animal with tranquilliser darts at least twice. On one occasion, the monkey displayed its contempt for the attack by flinging faeces at the hunter before climbing higher into a tree to sleep off the effects of the dart."
Lounging by the pool, flinging crap at his pursuers, his own Facebook page, that monkey's got style!

25 March 2010


Since my last few posts have been on a srious note, I thought I'd lighten up a bit today and post some trivial little tidbits.

Monster Hunter Vendetta
Larry Correia's follow-up to "Monster Hunter International" entitled "Monster Hunter Vendetta" is due for release next month. I can't wait to read this one, since I really enjoyed MHI. You can pre-order from Amazon here. Then you won't have an excuse for missing out on it!

Speaking Of Excuses
I really need a new keyboard! This one just can't keep up with my frenetic typing efforts. Double letters, skipped letters... Plus, most of the time I'm typing in the dark, hunched over in a corner of the living room. I also refuse to use spellcheck (I keep a dictionary next to me).
And lately, my internet connection has been timing out. I lost almost an entire post because I didn't notice it wasn't saving.
IOW, despite appearances, I'm not illiterate!

Behold The Power Of The Internet!
According to my latest Feedburner stats, I'm now reaching tens of people a day, so much for my delusions of grandeur!

Keeping The Glock (for now)
Having become quite a fan of the 460 Rowland caliber, I was considering giving up the Glock 20 10mm. But, since the Rowland ammo is still hard to get (I keep a running back order with different sources) I figure I should wait until I've got a decent stockpile before I commit to it exclusively. Plus, I keep tweaking and fiddling with the Glock and I've got so much tied up in it I may as well keep it.
All in all, the Glock 10mm, the Taurus and the MPA in 460 Rowland are all ideal power tools for any Monster Hunter. Any of them are sufficient for most big creepy things one is likely to encounter.

Book On The Way
I finally managed to find a good deal on Dom Calmet's "Treatise On Vampires And Revenants". I'm really eager to (forgive me for this!) sink my teeth into this one! Now if only I could find a decent price on Jan Perkowski's "Vampires Of The Slavs"!
Too bad so many members of the "Vampire" community base their research on Stoker, Rice, and Meyer, or perpetuated myths about Vlad the Impaler and Elizabeth of Bathory. The original folkloric accounts are a lot scarier and more...original!

24 March 2010

You'll Never Get Me Up In One Of Those Things!

(well, it's possible to "get me up" anywhere, but that's not what I mean...)

Today, in the USA in 2010, it's no biggie to pick up a new, or good used car on one coast and drive it all the way across the country without one major mechanical problem. Today's cars have more computer power and electronic systems than the early NASA spacecraft.
Such wasn't always the case, however. There was a time when, if you were taking any kind of extended drive, a mechanical problem along the way was a given. A flat tire, a thrown or broken fan belt, a busted radiator hose, and the ubiquitous dead battery.
But, an advanced civilization, with sufficient technological superiority to travel the universe in violation of all known laws of physics, would produce craft of impeccable safety and reliability, right?
So, how come they keep crashing? In the 50's and 60's, when Americans were becoming increasingly mobile, taking to the highways in greater numbers than ever before, UFO sightings also increased dramatically. And it would seem that just like our primitve automobiles, these intersteller travellers had their share of mechanical difficulties. Witnesses reported UFOs sputtering along, emitting smoke, sparks, bits of metal, or exploding. There were encounters with "alien beings" performing the equivalent of a roadside repair to their spacecraft. (even crawling underneath them with tools in hand, just like Daddy working in the driveway!) Again, this seems to be an example of us "projecting" our own understanding and experiences onto an unknown phenomenon. We have to pull over every now and then, so it makes sense that they would, too, right? Well, wrong. If the UFOs were really spacecraft from an advanced extraterrestrial civilization, they would most certainly be more reliable that grandpa's Packard.
And why do they keep crashing? Anyone with a minimum of exposure to UFO lore can recount a few UFO crashes.
The Roswell Incident and Area 51 have become part of American culture. Ufologists can tick off the Aurora crash, the Kecksburg crash, the Chihuahua/Brownsville crash, and any number of others. One particular website I visited lists over 150 purported UFO crashes from 10,000 BC to 2008 (although the site does state that some of those listed have been proven hoaxes, or lack any background or supporting material). A less grandiose site lists approx 23 UFO crashes, from 1884-2008.
Again, given humanity's "baby steps" into space, our record compared to theirs puts the advanced alien technology's accomplishments in doubt. While we've had tragic losses of life, considering the difficulties, the unknowns, all the complicating factors mankind has to deal with in our space exploration efforts, we're pretty much kicking their ass when it comes to our safety record!
To me, this points to some problems with the whole "alien spacecraft" explanation. First, it presents yet another example of our projecting our understanding onto the phenomenon. Second, if all these repair/crash reports are to be believed, these alien craft appear to be the intergalactic equivalent of a leaky lifeboat.
I'm not sure I'd be too keen on accepting a ride from the Space Brothers, myself.

UFO's, Seeing What We Want To See?

I previously posted about the possibility that UFO witnesses are seeing what they are "meant" to see. After further thought I'm beginning to wonder if witnesses see what they want to see.
Consider the "evolution" of UFO design. In the 1800's, when lighter-than-air-craft were the state of the art, witnesses reported sightings of "airships", Zeppelin-like blimps, some of which featured open gondolas full of revellers. while primative by todays standards or the classic sci-fi idea of an alien craft, these airships were miles ahead of contmporary technology. And followers of the "ancient astronaut" theory recount descriptions of flying "chariots", again, the witnesses described the craft as fitting an advanced extension of their own technology.
In 1947 Kenneth Arnold spotted nine objects near Mt. Ranier. He described them as flying through the air "like a saucer would". Never mind that Arnold's actual description of the craft themselves was more bat-wing like, similar to the "Flying Wing" project or even todays stealth aircraft, the phrase "flying saucer" became a part of the world's vocabulary. And of course, "saucer shaped" UFOs became the norm among witnesses for decades thereafter. I can't help but wonder how the UFO phenomenon would have been altered if Arnold has described the craft as "skipping like a stone."?
Following the "saucer craze", another shape began popping up in UFO descriptions: the cigar. We were entering an age when rocket shapes represented man's technological capability. And oddly enough, the UFO reports began to echo this image.
And now, in the 21st century, along come the triangles. The mysterious flying triangles are the latest manifestation of the UFO. Again, this represents the public's perception of what an advanced air/spacecraft should look like.
And ironically (intentionally?) the current triangles are a more accurate representation of Arnold's objects from six decades ago.
IF UFOs are spacecraft from a distant planet, why does their state-of-the-art apparently mirror our own perceptions of what they should look like?
Are we seeing what "they" want us to see? Or, are we "projecting" our own images onto whatever the UFO phenomenon really is?
Stay tuned...

21 March 2010

"The Psychic Energy Cycle"

Here's another one of those crazy ideas I've been thinking about. We're all familiar with the water cycle. Water evaporates, rises into the atmosphere, and when the air can't hold anymore, the water falls back to earth as some form of precipitation.
We also have the law of conservation of energy. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it just changes form.
Years ago, I noticed that the "magical" enrgy of folklore and certain religions (and later, concepts like psychic energy, etheric energy, ki, chi, prana, and tons of other terms) behaves a lot like electricity. Natural Magic makes use of the properties of certain materials to accomplish a desired effect. Silver, gold, iron, salt, lodestones, crystals, silk, etc. I noticed that the vast majority of these natural materials also demonstrate unique electrical qualities. Silver is an excellent conductor, silk is an insulator, the amount of salt in a solution can adjust its conductivity,
And silver kills vampires, iron keeps many creatures away, witches, vampires, and ghosts can't cross moving water.
We're talking about an energy form here, plain and simple. Werewolves aren't allergic to silver, it's just that it shorts out their etheric energy field, so to speak.
Now, take hold of my hand (some of you are welcome to take hold of any other body part should you so desire!). We're about to take a BIG leap.
What are some of mankind's most universal, powerful, natural dreams and desires? Flight would have to be right up there. Who hasn't dreamed of flying? And I myself have always thought it would be incredibly awesome to be able to breath underwater and swim like a porpoise. (compared to other superheroes, Aquaman may be lame, but compared to the rest of us mere mortals, he's pretty impressive imo). And what about the desire to roam free, run wild, walk the earth, y'know, get back to nature? Ever dream of being an animal strolling through the woods without a care in the world? And there's those inborn, primative propensities for sex, violence, violent sex and sexy violence. Whether it's the urge to strangle the idiot in line at the market counting out 500 pennies or the desire to hop in the sack with an anonymous hot stranger without fear of rejection or any of the complications imposed on us by society and biology, it's there whether we admit it or not.
What IF all those dreams, all that energy if you will, gathers somewhere until it reaches a sufficient level to manifest itself in the form of some phenomenon? All those flight dreams build up until we get a UFO flap, or sightings of flying humanoids, or a Jersey Devil or Mothman. That desire to get back to nature materializes as a wondering Bigfoot or big black cat. Our violence may mutilate cattle, or form a chupacabras and lay waste to a chicken coop. Our good ol' lust? Incubi, succubi, vampires, amorous "Greys" out to sap our precious bodily fluids...
Fellow blogger Autumnforest, on her Ghost Hunting Theories blog, discusses factors such as geology, geography, topography, magnetic field activity and others as they relate to hauntings. It's no stretch to consider that these factors would influence this "energy cycle" as well. Just as the Gulf stream in the ocean, the jet stream in the air, even mountains and lakes affect precipitation patterns, copper and silver mines, quartz deposits, and limestone outcroppings could well influence energy flow patterns.
Maybe this is why certain areas become hot spots, or why anonmalous phenomena may center on a certain area for a certain amount of time. Our energy builds up in the "atmosphere" until it is released in a display of things that make us say "WTF?"
I can't help but think of the movie "Forbidden Planet" with its warnings about "monsters from the Id!".
Maybe we has met the monsters (or ghosts, or UFOs, or aliens...) and they is us.

20 March 2010

Nuts And Bolts And NIDS, Oh My!

"A false belief can be proved false. It is corrigible. ...But a delusion is incorrigible. No amount of reason, persuasion, and sensory evidence can convince paranoiacs that they are deluded. On the contrary, everything that happens seems to support the delusion." - Richard Harpur -

"My shrink said I was paranoid, THEY must have gotten to him..." - Gummerfan -

"...there are situations in which it (science) is useless, because it assumes that the phenomena that are fed into it are natural and spontaneous. If something bigger or smarter than the ordinary human mind is around, if some clever deceivers use it to feed us phenomena that have been designed to fool us...then a "scientific" investigation will be useless." - Jacques Vallee -

Okay, maybe I am paranoid. I mean, I don't go looking for stuff, but somehow I just sort of stumble onto it. Case in point: the whole UFO/Robert Bigelow thing. As I've said before, I have no quarrel whatsoever with Mr. Bigelow. I applaud his efforts to examine and investigate, at great personal expense, such things as UFOs and the (in)famous "Skinwalker Ranch" phenomena. Granted, I disagree with some of the approaches and methods, but I acknowledges his efforts, anyway.
Along with Richard Harpur's "Daimonic Reality", in which he expresses his doubts that UFOs are actually alien spacecraft from a distant planet, I've recently read Jacque Vallee's revolutionary work, "Messengers Of Deception". I also found a downloadable edition of the classic (and hard to find!) "Passport To Magonia". I haven't begun reading it yet. Frankly, I don't look forward to the prospect of reading an entire book on my monitor. My tired eyes are strained enough from closely watching Rachael Ray cook while waiting for a wardrobe malfunction. It's inevitable, I'm certain that some day, she's gonna lean just a little too far over that oven and pop out of her top, When that great and wonderful day comes, I simply cannot afford to miss it. I WILL be there! Semper Vigilans! But I digress,,,
Like Harpur (and me), Vallee doubts (to the point of dismissal) the prevailing belief that UFOs are alien spacecraft. I began to question this one sleepless night. I asked myself, "Just what evidence do we have to support the belief?" After much thought and research, I realized that the answer is: "None whatsoever." Sure, there are the reports of "abductees", but how reliable is that evidence? Invariably, the planets of origin revealed to the abductees are demonstrably uninhabitable. Remember when they were Martians? Venusians? Uranians? Denizens of an unknown planet "always hidden by the sun"? The "star maps" provided to the abductees thus far have proven to be nothing more than astronomical gibberish. The "messages" unremarkable, no cures for diseases, no free energy sources, no "meaning of life".
I was surprised to learn that, given his dismissal of the "ET" hypothesis, Vallee has worked closely with Mr. Bigelow, NIDS, and MUFON, all of whom are known for their "nuts-n-bolts", "space alien" stance. So, (sigh!) a little more digging was in order.
While Vallee never answers the question of just what UFOs are (that's what the "U" stands for, afterall), "Messengers..." concentrates instead on the effect the UFO/abductee phenomena have on society. He stresses that the UFO phenomenon is being used to bring about a desired societal change. A means of manipulation.
Get out the tinfoil, folks!

"Let us assume, for the sake of argument, that one or several groups of men had in fact learned to control some physical process by means that ordinary experience would call "magical"....Suppose it had developed a way to project scenes at a distance, to control and amplify psychokinetic abilities of human subjects, or to create entities similar to the "tulpas" of Tibetan folklore...Nazi Germany had several scientific research institutes working along these lines...and two modern nations at least-the Soviet Union and the United States- are known to be pursuing aggressive programs of research on similar subjects. The funding that is required in this area is so small that many private organizations, and even independently wealthy persons, could sponsor very significant research whose results may yield unpredictable breakthroughs. (italics mine-G) Have such breakthroughs already taken place? And are UFOs the result of their application?
Such a group could...try to manipulate public opinion for its own ends."

Some in the UFO community have expressed concern over Mr. Bigelow's agreement with the FAA giving him exclusive access to UFO reports, and his apparent secretiveness with same. Some in the community are of the opinion that Bigelow Aerospace, through its funding of MUFON and the Star Impact Project response teams, is seeking to obtain exclusive rights to any trcovered "alien technology" or "advanced propulsion systems". Sort of a capitalist version of the Area 51 reverse engineering.
Maybe, maybe not. With the inclusion of Vallee on the team, considering his background and theory of UFOs as a means of manipulation and societal control, maybe they're wrong. I hope they're right.

13 March 2010

Paranormal Investigations: SWAT Or Sting?

Okay, suppose you have an area of a city with a reputation for high instances of criminal activity, a "hot spot" if you will. Drug activity, thefts/break ins, prostitution, etc (y'know, all those little things that make life interesting). There are basically two ways law enforcement can approach the situation:

A: begin maintaining a high-profile police presence in the area, frequent patrols in marked vehicles, more uniformed officers on the street, maybe send in the SWAT teams for a few high-profile busts.
The result of this course of action? Well, the instances of crime would decrease radically (at least as long as the "presence" is maintained), the "criminal element" would cease their activities or at least go farther "underground" with them, maybe move on to a different location where there's less "heat".
If that's the main goal, then it's all well and good, mission accomplished, move along, nothing to see here. BUT, would this course of action result in the gathering of any useful evidence? Would it lead to the capture or apprehension of any criminals? Would the law enforcement community gain any knowledge or information from this operation? Not bloody likely. The criminal community knows when they're being watched (well, there's always the "dumb criminal" who never gets it) Criminals choose the time and place for their activities.
So, if the goal is to make good arrests, build strong cases, gather information and intelligence to aid in future cases, the other option must be exercised:

B: The Sting (cue Scott Joplin)
Undercover operations, blend in, keep a low profile. Keep your eyes and ears (whether natural or "electronically enhanced") open, gather info & intelligence, and bust 'em when THEY make a move.

Now, IF (as I and others believe) the various anomalies that pop up in our little slice of the space/time continuum are caused by some sort of "Intelligence", does it make sense for a team to go barnstorming in, geared up like the government team from "ET", making a big show of setting up their cameras and monitors, and announcing to one and all that "We're here!"? Even in reorted paranormal hot spots, the events are witnesses by individuals who are just going about their business. The motorist late at night on a back road, the camper or hiker humpin' through the woods, the farmer tending to his cattle... Yet when the investigators hit the area, start broadcasting their intentions (literally and figuratively), interviewing locals and in general mucking up the scene, the team seldom, if ever, comes back with anything other than some anecdotal evidence.
Why is this so? Simply because the "Intelligence" wants it that way! Just as no drug dealer in his right mind would try to "sell" to a uniformed police officer, the Intelligences behind these phenomena aren't going to perform before the investigative team's cameras and instruments.
My firm belief when it comes to investigating certain phenomena is that a low profile is a must. Make youself the bait. Appear for all intents and purposes that you're just minding your own business. These suckers are tricky, you have to trick them first. Remember Charles Bronson's character in "Death Wish"? When he went out patrolling for muggers he wasn't geared up like Rambo, he didn't appear in any way menacing or threatening. Nope, he just put on his pea coat and watch cap, carried his bag of groceries, and to all the world (and every potential mugger) made himself blend in and appear to be an easy mark.
That's the same approach I advocate when dealing with most paranormal or cryptozoological investigations. Whatever it is we're seeking, it's counterproductive to in any way tip "Them" off to our presence and intentions.

12 March 2010

Monsterquest, SIP, & Robert Bigelow

First up, let me explain that I'm posting from the "Business Center" of a hotel. The tequila, rum, and caffeine currently flowing through my veins is of a lower quality that I'm accustomed to at home (but hey, it's free!). Plus, this area is designated "Non-Smoking" (damned nazis!) and I'm sure that if I leave this terminal to grab a smoke, some Twitterhead will grab it and my valialant posting efforts will be in vain. So, forgive me if this particular post isn't up to my usual standards (low though they be!).
Anyway, last night on "Monsterquest"'s episode concerning the "Lizard Man", aka "The Flatwoods Monster" (actually, I thought the episode would be about the Scrape Ore Lizardman, so many monsters, so little time!) I couldn't help but notice that one of the investigators was sporting a "MUFON/ STAR Impact Project" patch. For those who don't know, the Star Impact Project (SIP) is an element of MUFON. You can learn all about it at the official site.
Basically, the SIP is a division of MUFON that is funded by none other than Robert Bigelow of "Skinwalker Ranch"/NIDS fame. The same Robert Bigelow who has yet to respond to my generous offer posted elsewhere on this blog.
As I read through the hype and hyperbole concerning the "SIP", I can't help but chuckle to myself as I recall the monumental clusterf#*k Bigelow and the NIDS team made of the Skinwalker Ranch investigation. It seems that Bigelow and company have yet to realize that they, that indeed WE, are dealing with an "intelligence". Once the "intelligence" is tipped off or realizes that it's being observed and studied, it may screw around a little bit, but nothing, I repeat, NOTHING of any value to current science will be discovered. The SIP team's purpose is to rush to the scene of a UFO event (after the fact, of course!), play around with some scientific equipment (y'know, to investigate something beyond current science)(huh?) and in general feel superior to other investigators and researchers because, well, they've got more money and fancier toys.
Don't get me wrong. I mean hey, it's Mister Bigelow's money. If he chooses to continue to throw funds at organizations whose practice of tactical self-fornication has become legend, that's his business. If he ever decides to get serious and quit playing around, if he decides to adopt a strategy designed and intended to produce something, then hey, the name's "Gummerfan", and I'm easy to contact.
You can't investigate the unconventional using conventional methods. You'd think they would've learned that from Utah.

02 March 2010

Mothman Image?

Today I went outside to watch the snow falling (in Alabama, in March!). I saw this pattern in the melting snow on the hood of my boss's car and snapped a cellphone pic. You can say I'm matrixing, or stretching my imagination a bit, like those people who see Elvis on toast or Jesus in spaghetti, but I ask, does this not look like Mothman to you?
Well, it does to me, and this is my blog, so THERE!