Is there room in the Para/Crypto/Fortean world for a gun-toting, paranoid, bipolar, opinionated bastard? A lonely romantic in search of his lost soul? A knight, Samurai, gunslinger, born in the wrong century? A self-destructive, doom-driven survivor seeking redemption? A heavy drinking gonzo outlaw cryptozoologist whose ego is exceeded only by his libido?
No, there isn't. That's why I'm here...

26 May 2010

Earth's Fate Revealed Tonight!

"Monster" is a multi-faceted word. It connotes something evil, something that must be destroyed, a horrible, threatening menace (or horrible, menacing threat?). Sometimes a "monster" isn't some blatantly obvious creature, sometimes the threats to humankind's existence are far more subtle, they lurk in the shadows, creeping up on our ungurded flanks. (well, I try to keep my flanks guarded as much as possible, but the pants gotta come off sometime))
Tonight we find out if the forces of All Hell come one step closer to bubbling up from the bowels of the earth, or if mankind has earned a (brief) reprieve. I'm referring of course to the American Idol finale and announcement of this season's winner.
I'm not one of those people who follow the show all season or anything like that. And the show has been dead to me ever since it unleashed Carrie Underwood and Kelly Pickler on the world. Talk about the gates of hell bursting open. AI has proven over and over that the average TV viewer is simply not equipped to recognize talent. Katherine McPhee was voted off. Bo Bice was passed over. Jennifer Hudson didn't win. These superior talents were passed over in favor of less-talented (though perhaps slightly more commercially viable) contestants. Truly gifted singers were punished for their escellence by the same group of people who thought voting for Obama was a good idea ('cuz MTV said so).
I face tonight with a guarded optimism. I believe it just may be possible that Crystal Bowersox could pull it off. IF that happens, some of my faith in Man will be restored. But, I'm sure there are enough empty-headed style-over-substance mediabots out there in this vast wasteland to get Lee DeWyze a win. If that happens, we're one step closer to Armageddon, my friends. A DeWyze win would be a more accurate indicator of TEOTWAWKI than that little nuclear confrontation brewing in North Korea, the death of the Euro, or the creeping, crawling chaos of the oil spill in the Gulf.
I'll be watching and hoping, but I've got plenty of magazines loaded just in case.

6 comments:

Autumnforest said...

Jeez, BG, didn't picture you watching American Idol. I completely forgot it was on this season. I think Adam should have won last season and just quit all together after that. Yeah, I voted proudly for Obama rather than another right-wing fuck-wit. McCain with Palin--holy shit! (combined IQ of 6) Okay, that said (to my sweet conservative friend), I do agree about Idol. The sad thing is this whole calling in business. It's like high school elections for class president all over again. Why the hell don't they let the panel of supposed experts in the recording business decide who deserves a contract??? They should narrow it down to 2 people by mass popularity and then let the panel choose the winner.

Gummerfan said...

I'm not watching it right now (Underwood's "performing"). And I only watch the last couple of weeks of the season. Aside from elections, AI is the closest thing we have to a national IQ test.
And both are prime examples of what can happen when the Common Man has too much power.

Gummerfan said...

Well, a heavy rain knocked out the satellite before the results. Just as well, since I just checked the web & saw that the guy won. I don't think I could've handled seeing that live.
I recommend inesting heavily in canned food & ammunition, things are looking baaaad.

Above the Norm said...

LOL, I just love the way you put things. Having said that, I never pictured you as an American Idol watcher. I was pissed that Adam didn't win last year and lost interest in this years contestants. I don't think the show will be good without Simon, and his spot on comments. I am done with the show....I mean it, lol. (yes, I am watching it right now as I comment) I also have to agree with Autumnforest on her comment about McCain and Palin!

Gummerfan said...

Well, I'm done with it as well. Crystal went toe-to-tow with Allanais Morrisette and still did't win?
So could somebody splain to me why it's so hip to bash McCain (a former POW for cryin' out loud) and Palin (a total MILF who also packs heat)? Just goes to show that the problem with Democracy is that all too often it results in people getting the government they deserve.

Julie said...

I will say this, McCain is fighting hard to do something about our boarders to keep the illegals out and Obama just seems to be bashing our state. (that's all I have to say about that) I can go on an on about this subject but will stop now! I have to say that I agree with you, Crystal should have won.