Is there room in the Para/Crypto/Fortean world for a gun-toting, paranoid, bipolar, opinionated bastard? A lonely romantic in search of his lost soul? A knight, Samurai, gunslinger, born in the wrong century? A self-destructive, doom-driven survivor seeking redemption? A heavy drinking gonzo outlaw cryptozoologist whose ego is exceeded only by his libido?
No, there isn't. That's why I'm here...

28 July 2010

New Blog Up

I've finally got some posts up at my new blog. It's called "Gummerfan Exposed" and you can find it here.

24 July 2010

Aloha and Mahalo (for now!)

I've decided to start another blog. Since I bill this one as "paranormal", "high strangeness",or "cryptozoology", I figure I'm doing my faithful readers a disservice by posting so much off-topic stuff.
So, I'm just gonna start another one where I'll have more freedom re what I post. Observations, some ranting and venting, some apologies for my existence, probably a whole lotta whining, maybe serve up the occasional fresh slice-o-hell from my daily life.
I'll be keeping the "HQ" more on topic and post relevant stuff here. Once I get the new one up and going, I'll let you know. Til then, I leave you with the words of the greatest genius of the 20th century, Groucho Marx:

Hello, I must be going
I cannot stay, I came to say I must be going
I'm glad I came but just the same I must be going...
I'll stay a week or two,
I'll stay the summer through,
But I am telling you,
I must be

18 July 2010

Fairies and The Fool Of The Forth

"Cause there's something bout a Sunday
Makes a body feel alone
And there's nothing short of dyin
Half as lonely as the sound
Of those sleeping city sidewalks
Sunday morning coming down"
- Kris Kristofferson -

"Well there's something bout a Sunday
It's a most peculiar gray
Strollin' down the avenue
That's known as A1A..."
- Jimmy Buffett -

I hate Sunday mornings. Not sure why, I mean it's usually the only day I get to sleep in. Maybe it's because I've got a whole day with nothing to do but all the good gun stores are closed.
Anyway, last night I finished Curran's "Dark Fairies". It's a good reference for the darker side of fayery lore. (spelling it "fayery" instead of "fairy" makes you look like you know what you're talking about, kinda like "magik", "magick" or "vampyre").
I learned about a few places in Ireland, Scotland, and possibly Jordan that I'd love to visit. Places where mortals shouldn't tread. There's supposedly a hidden fortress in Ireland haunted by some particularly dangerous fayery creatures who drink the blood of any human who dares enter. (but there not vampires, er, vampyres, they have nothing in common with vampire lore, and vampires don't always drink blood anyway, it's knowledge like that that seperates the pros from the amatuers). Maybe Josh Gates can strap on a parasail and a butt-fan and fly over the island looking for it.
There's also a cave where the Sluaghs dwell. These tiny creatures are no larger than a bee, but they always appear in a vast horde, like an intelligent cloud. The Sluagh are known for hurling stones, sticks, fairy bolts and elshot at humans and cattle, resulting in injury and death. There are even accounts of them bearing people up into the air and carrying them miles away from their homes. I figure my level IIa ballistic armor and riot helmet should be enough protection should I encounter these nasty little buggers.
But, there's one character I'd prefer to avoid. The Fool of The Forth travels about, carrying in his hand a wand or rod with which delivers his "touch". The touch of the Fool takes away the victim's power and reason. Permanently sapping the strength and mental capacity of the poor soul, sometimes resulting in death. Persons who suffered from a paralysis and/or loss of reason were said to have recieved "the stroke". Yeah, that's where the medical term comes from, and I'll bet it's also the origin for the phrase "touched in the head". Ironically, I often joke about "when I have my stroke", though I didn't realize I was referring to a fairy with a magic wand. I did find a little more on the web at this site with a little more about the Fool. Check it out.

17 July 2010

Why I'll Never Write A Book

Earlier tonight I read about

I Write Like, a website where you paste in a few paragraphs of your writing and it supposedly tells you which writers you, well, write like. So, I fed it a few examples of my blog posts. Who'd I get? Hunter S. Thompson? No. Hemingway? Uhh-uhh. Jay McInerny? Nahh. My results, based on the excerpts I tried were: Dan Brown, Stephen King, J.K. Rowling, and David Foster Wallace. One depressed, suicidal genius and three hacks. (albeit three successful hacks!). So, I thought I'd share the results with my caring, supportive wife. Maybe if she saw that some website compared my writing to three best-selling authors, she'd stop hassling me so much about wasting time on the internet, maybe take my dreams seriously, possibly offer some encouragement. But, COPS was on, and some guy wouldn't "stay on the ground!", so she pretty much told me to shut up so she could witness this monumental event.
And THAT'S why I'll never be an author.
"Poetry has its origin in emotion recollected in tranquility"
Wordsworth hit the nail on the head with that one. While he was speaking of poetry, the same applies to any other form of writing as well. Even blogging. You start out with a head (or heart) full of emotions and strong feelings, sit back and attempt to translate those emotions into a cogent, lucid assortment-o-words. Too much emotion and not enough tranquility (or vice versa) = no writing.
I confess I've never read any of Wallace's stuff, but the Wiki entry listed some of his influences as Donald Barthulme (who I like) and Flannery O'Connor (who's not only good, but Southern, as well!). His writing has won lots of accolades and awards, he struggled with depression for over 20 years, and he committed suicide by hanging himself. (I'm a touch bipolar myself, and I define a "good day" as "any day I don't hang myself"!) So, I'm gonna have to check out some of his stuff.
Maybe that's why I hunt monsters, and study UFOs and other high strangeness. My life is so confused, discombobulated, and laden with issues that I'm sort of seeking validation. Maybe by confronting something horrible, frightening, and inexplicable, dragging it out into the sunlight, and defeating it, I feel I'll be saying to the world, "Lookie here! I'm relevant! I have a right to exist! So screw you guys!". Perhaps my attempts to explain the unexplainable are really just a projection of my need to explain myself.

Hanging In There!
I got to see my other OC today when she stopped by. Some people just don't realize how delightful their mere presence can be.

13 July 2010

Earth Vs The Aliens (again)

"Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun"- Mao Tse-tung -
"How's about a planetary death ray?"- Gummerfan -

I read a lot of sites and books about the so-called "Alien Coverup". The typical theory is that our duly-elected leaders and representatives and/or the "Global Elite" supposedly have knowledge of the existence of "aliens" (whether from outer space or the center of the earth) and have some kind of agreement with them. Part of this agreement involves keeping the existence of the aliens a secret, covering up any evidence, spreading disinformation, debunking reports, and denying all knowledge of their existence or presence.
This poses the key question: WHY? If certain people do indeed have knowledge or evidence of the existence of these creatures, why would they cover it up? What motivation would a government have to keep this knowledge a secret?
The favorite reason among conspiracy theorists is that "mankind isn't ready" (though apparently the conspiracy theorists consider themselves to be!). The prevailing attitude is that if "The Truth" were known, the human population would panic, religions and established value systems would crumble, chaos would ensue, and there would be mass riots, looting, suicides, murders, and also a whole lot of giggling. Humanity would suffer a race-wide identity crisis.
My reply to this is: Bullshit! Our history is full of examples of science challenging and disproving the contemporary paradigms. Copernicus, Galileo, Darwin, Pastuer, Einstein, Ben Franklin, Neal Armstrong... Diseases are caused by microscopic organisms, the Earth isn't the center of the universe, living creatures evolve and change, lightening is electricity, the moon isn't made of cheese and the earth isn't flat and we can blow it up if we want to. Mankind's collective ego has survived thus far, and those who choose to cling to their personal values, belief systems or religions continue to do so. So I don't buy for a second that our leaders and/or elites are keeping us in the dark for our own good.
One must never forget that ALL politics, negotiations, agreements, and most other forms of intercourse are based on Greed and Fear. And world leaders, the super-wealthy, the global powers that be are so far beyond the normal "human condition" that Greed is utterly blase'. We're talking about individuals with the kind of power and wealth that warps minds, people who engage in sexual acts with racehorses and trumpets. Nothing the Space Bros could offer them would arouse interest. (well, maybe immortality!)
So, the only other tool, the only leverage an advanced race would have over these individuals is Fear. Just a convincing display of unthinkable power and unspeakable cruelty. A preview of the hellish fate that awaits those who don't play spaceball. Brutal mutilations? DNA reprogramming to turn the victims into hideous, mindless blobs of what was once a human being, the wholesale destruction of All We Know in the blink of an eye.
So, whenever I hear about a Government Coverup, or Alien Agenda, I wonder if the Aliens have "won the hearts and minds" of our leaders, or if they follow the dictum that: "When you've got 'em by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow".

07 July 2010

Bucket List...

Today, a nice old(er) lady gave me a CD her husband recorded. She had told me that when he turned 70, he started working on his Bucket List. One thing on the list was to sing. He had never sang before in his life, and at 70 he began taking lessons. He got some karoke music, went into a studio and recorded a CD of classic Frank Sinatra tunes. (she was impressed that I had heard of "Softly As I Leave You", what's really weird is that I was just thinking of that song the other night!). And hey, the guy's good! He's even got some performances booked here and there.
So, that kind of got me thinking about how I don't really have a Bucket List. Frankly, I just don't think that far ahead for one thing. My longest-term goal right now is to make it through tomorrow. Plus, I don't believe death is The End. I'm convinced I'll be back. If I thought this one little life, these few years on Earth, this blink of an eye, is all there is, I'd go irrevocably, irretrievably, incurably insane. Just lock me up in a rubber room where I can drool and fondle myself without bothering anyone else.
Sure, I've got a few "dreams", I'd like to find Bigfoot, bag a Lake Monster, maybe solve the whole UFO/Alien/Government Conspiracy Thing,bust into Area 51, uncover the Dulce underground complex, spend some time at the Skinwalker Ranch, but hey, far better men than I have tried and failed at these, and I don't see how I could fare any better.
So, I figure my personal Bucket List should be realistic, and should take into account the fact that I'm destined to be permanently poverty-stricken. So, no blasting through Italy in a Ferrari GTO, or zooming down the Autobahn in a RUF Porsche, no gambling in Monte Carlo or exploring the hidden tunnels in the Holy Land. I won't waste my time trying to get chummy with Loren Coleman, or hoping to bang numerous celebrity babes.(sorry, Rachael!)
So far, I've only got two things on my Official Gummerfan Bucket List:
1: Make Bucket List
2: Die
(hey, it's a start!)

02 July 2010

"Some Men See Things..."

"Some men see things as they are and ask why I dream things that never were and ask why not?" - Robert Kennedy-

Nice quote. But my problem is: Sometimes I get all caught up in seeing things as I'd like them to be that I actually convince myself that that's the way things can be. Then, I get one of those moments of clarity and realize that things are not, and can never be that way. Then, I get all frustrated with myself for being so stupid as to believe that in the first place. So THEN, I beat myself up for letting myself get into that situation yet again.
And it's really over something that I know is totally pointless to begin with anyway. But even when I'm thinking about how ridiculous and pointless it is, I'm still thinking about it, so I beat myself up again.
It's a thorn in my side, a cross I must bear, I suppose.
It really bugs me that I allow myself to get so vexed over something that I can't control anyway.
Happens a lot.

01 July 2010

Earth Vs the Aliens

I posted a while back about the Kelly-Hopkinsville Incident, in which a stalwart band of humans apparently staved off an alien attack on a rural Kentucky farm in 1955.
But (according to UFO and internet lore, anyway), this was neither the first nor the last time the human race has gone toe-to-toe with advanced beings from another planet, or other dimension, or other plane, or wherever these things come from.
Prior to Kelly, there was the famous "Battle of Los Angeles" in 1942. While dismissed by some as a combination of wartime jitters, trigger-happy antiaircraft gunners, and a possible errant balloon, others who were there adamantly insist that the US military attacked and even shot down a large, saucer-shaped craft. A big flying disc that performed impossible maneuvers and soaked up a helluva lotta flack before finally going down or flying away. (depending on the report)
While less famous than the Battle of LA, the internet (especially the conspiracy sites) are chock full-o-info on the so-called Dulce (NM) Battle or Dulce Wars. In 1975 there was a battle between a US military security force and the alien residents of the secret underground base near Dulce NM. In the first battle (circa 1975, details are sketchy) several dozen security personnel and top scientists were killed. I also found a (rather humorous) account of a second battle that occurred in 1979. This particular battle involved elite members of the US Delta Force, CIA agents, former astronauts, and was partially funded by none other than H. Ross Perot. (I KNEW there was a good reason I wanted to vote for that guy!). In this spectacular mission, not only did our heroes manage to gain entrance to multiple levels of the underground base, they also rescued "thousands" of human females who were being held captive and used for unauthorized alien genetic experiments. (not to mention the occassional alien orgy, mustn't forget the orgies!), they also liberated one of the alien saucers as a getaway/rescue vehicle. AND, they accomplished this mission in approximately one hour! (GO JOE!) I read a detailed account of this second battle on the Rumor Mill News site. But, the author of this report must've been fed a great deal of disinformation, given the number of errors and a demonstrable lack of understanding of weapons and tactics. (I'm still giggling about the "M203 standalone 40mm grenade launcher", some of you will understand why...)
And, I've also seen a report about yet another alien firefight at none other than the famous "Skinwalker Ranch". It seems that some of Mr. Bigelow's security forces got into a skirmish with some alien entities who were emerging from one of those damned portals. It's reported that their were some human casualties, but no word on whether or not they successfully ventilated any of the aliens. (guys were probably using those pipsqueek 5.56 calibers, when will people learn to USE ENOUGH GUN?!)

Since we haven't had a fullscale global takeover, it would appear that we're holding our own so far. Looks like the score is holding at 5-0. Or, is that just what those sneaky little bastards want us to think?