Is there room in the Para/Crypto/Fortean world for a gun-toting, paranoid, bipolar, opinionated bastard? A lonely romantic in search of his lost soul? A knight, Samurai, gunslinger, born in the wrong century? A self-destructive, doom-driven survivor seeking redemption? A heavy drinking gonzo outlaw cryptozoologist whose ego is exceeded only by his libido?
No, there isn't. That's why I'm here...

02 July 2010

"Some Men See Things..."

"Some men see things as they are and ask why I dream things that never were and ask why not?" - Robert Kennedy-

Nice quote. But my problem is: Sometimes I get all caught up in seeing things as I'd like them to be that I actually convince myself that that's the way things can be. Then, I get one of those moments of clarity and realize that things are not, and can never be that way. Then, I get all frustrated with myself for being so stupid as to believe that in the first place. So THEN, I beat myself up for letting myself get into that situation yet again.
And it's really over something that I know is totally pointless to begin with anyway. But even when I'm thinking about how ridiculous and pointless it is, I'm still thinking about it, so I beat myself up again.
It's a thorn in my side, a cross I must bear, I suppose.
It really bugs me that I allow myself to get so vexed over something that I can't control anyway.
Happens a lot.

5 comments:

Autumnforest said...

I'll tell you something I learned when I ran a self-help group for anxiety folks... you cannot have a feeling without first having a thought. How you interpret your world determines your emotions. Four people can have a flat tire; four different reactions. One says "this is a bad part of town" and gets scared. One has never gotten to change a tire and says "cool, I get to try it out" and is excited. Another says "this shit happens to me all the time" and gets angry. Another one says "I'm going to late for work" and becomes anxious. BG, however you interpret the world is your reality. People won't always be in on your reality, but how you tackle it and what you dream--it gives you the cajones to go out in the world. I see the world as opportunity and change and everyone I encounter is an interesting character in a future novel...it's like a precious exciting adventure--so, I'm a happy person. There is no reality--you make that, sweetie--it's all in the brain.

Above the Norm said...

I echo what Autumnforest just said, she is wise. Personally, having going on ghost hunts, day trips, and over nighters with her, that positive behavior has rubbed off. I am now doing more with my art and have a "you can do it" attitude. Instead of wishing I was doing what I love, I am now doing it. You should do some writing, you are good at that.

Autumnforest said...

Well, you hang around someone goofy and giggly and I guess it's gonna make you believe the world holds promise. I hope I never get jaded. It truly is what you make of it--you can live in any world you want. And BG, you have a book inside of you and you won't like it If I have to pull it out of you cause it's likely to come out your ass if I do it and I'd rather it come from shooting from the hip.

Gummerfan said...

Ahh, but there's a difference between "living one's dream" and "living in a dream". One's great, admirable, the otheris just self-delusion and questionable mental/emotional health.
One is a goal to pursue, the other is a dangerous trap to be avoided.
One is dependent on drive and determination. The other relies on other people, or circumstances beyond one's control.
Sure, we have a certain amount of control over some aspects of our lives, but we can't control how other people see us, or feel (or don't feel) about us.

Autumnforest said...

Ultimately, it's the content of you that is the value of you. So, you may be a clerk by day but the real you--the one that has content is a monsterhunter. That's my tackle on life. I have a job and then I have a career.