Is there room in the Para/Crypto/Fortean world for a gun-toting, paranoid, bipolar, opinionated bastard? A lonely romantic in search of his lost soul? A knight, Samurai, gunslinger, born in the wrong century? A self-destructive, doom-driven survivor seeking redemption? A heavy drinking gonzo outlaw cryptozoologist whose ego is exceeded only by his libido?
No, there isn't. That's why I'm here...

17 July 2010

Why I'll Never Write A Book

Earlier tonight I read about

I Write Like, a website where you paste in a few paragraphs of your writing and it supposedly tells you which writers you, well, write like. So, I fed it a few examples of my blog posts. Who'd I get? Hunter S. Thompson? No. Hemingway? Uhh-uhh. Jay McInerny? Nahh. My results, based on the excerpts I tried were: Dan Brown, Stephen King, J.K. Rowling, and David Foster Wallace. One depressed, suicidal genius and three hacks. (albeit three successful hacks!). So, I thought I'd share the results with my caring, supportive wife. Maybe if she saw that some website compared my writing to three best-selling authors, she'd stop hassling me so much about wasting time on the internet, maybe take my dreams seriously, possibly offer some encouragement. But, COPS was on, and some guy wouldn't "stay on the ground!", so she pretty much told me to shut up so she could witness this monumental event.
And THAT'S why I'll never be an author.
"Poetry has its origin in emotion recollected in tranquility"
Wordsworth hit the nail on the head with that one. While he was speaking of poetry, the same applies to any other form of writing as well. Even blogging. You start out with a head (or heart) full of emotions and strong feelings, sit back and attempt to translate those emotions into a cogent, lucid assortment-o-words. Too much emotion and not enough tranquility (or vice versa) = no writing.
I confess I've never read any of Wallace's stuff, but the Wiki entry listed some of his influences as Donald Barthulme (who I like) and Flannery O'Connor (who's not only good, but Southern, as well!). His writing has won lots of accolades and awards, he struggled with depression for over 20 years, and he committed suicide by hanging himself. (I'm a touch bipolar myself, and I define a "good day" as "any day I don't hang myself"!) So, I'm gonna have to check out some of his stuff.
Maybe that's why I hunt monsters, and study UFOs and other high strangeness. My life is so confused, discombobulated, and laden with issues that I'm sort of seeking validation. Maybe by confronting something horrible, frightening, and inexplicable, dragging it out into the sunlight, and defeating it, I feel I'll be saying to the world, "Lookie here! I'm relevant! I have a right to exist! So screw you guys!". Perhaps my attempts to explain the unexplainable are really just a projection of my need to explain myself.

Hanging In There!
I got to see my other OC today when she stopped by. Some people just don't realize how delightful their mere presence can be.


Autumnforest said...

I do remember being on the receiving end of the OC situation when I worked in the ER. Paramedics, cops, techs, doctors...It does make a girl smile and also makes her job a lot easier. We are not above using that distracting ability to get favors and be made allowances. We're not stupid--we're using the tools available. So far as why you monster hunt, buddy... I think I have that figured out. You're an incurable romantic. You don't want to live in a world without monsters in it. What else is there to live for???

Gummerfan said...

Incurable romantic? LOL! One of my coworkers calls me "Sir Galahad". I don't know if she recognizes the irony in that or not. Galahad was famous as the noble knight who never got any. Rescue the fair damsel and watch her live happily ever after with a handsome prince.
Story of my life. :D

Autumnforest said...

You don't want the princess, BG. She'd turn you into a servant because she has an elevated sense of self worth. Go for the real deal--a real woman.

Gummerfan said...

But to a gentleman, every woman is a princess. I think Don Juan said that. And I'd end up as a servant regardless. It's my fate, apparently.
I wish I had a magical blender, and I could throw a few women I know in, and out would come the ideal woman. Of course, she wouldn't have me, either! :D