Is there room in the Para/Crypto/Fortean world for a gun-toting, paranoid, bipolar, opinionated bastard? A lonely romantic in search of his lost soul? A knight, Samurai, gunslinger, born in the wrong century? A self-destructive, doom-driven survivor seeking redemption? A heavy drinking gonzo outlaw cryptozoologist whose ego is exceeded only by his libido?
No, there isn't. That's why I'm here...

17 September 2010

The Curse of the Hawk?

Okay, I'm not a tree-hugger or anything, but I do have a soft spot for certain majestic creatures. There's a hawk around my neighborhood. I've seen him (I guess it's a him, don't really know) hanging around the garden, perched on power lines, swooping down from the sky, even standing by the side of the road. Lately he's been hanging around a gravel quarry that I pass going and coming from work, and I make it a point to watch for him as I pass by.
Yesterday, I was driving home fresh from the car wash, listening to the Eagles (ironic, huh?) and as I approached the quarry I began watching for the hawk. Sure enough, there he was, standing by the side of the road. And then, as they say, "all of a sudden", the hawk took to the air, swooped over the hod of the Big Weird Jeep and collided with my A-pillar with a pronounced "THUD!" (which really IS the way it's pronounced, btw!).
In times of stress, humans experience the phenomenon known as "time compression". Time seems to slow down. Thoughts race through your head as fast as those adrenaline-boosted neurons in your brain can fire. In the span of a few seconds, the following thoughts occurred to me:
"Whoa, there he is! Look at that!"
"Aw, crap!"
"Glad he didn't hit my windshield!"
"Oh no, I've killed our hawk!"
"I'll bet killing a hawk just has to mean bad luck in some cultures, great, that's all I freakin' need!"
"Maybe he's okay, I hope so!"
"Dang, that Don Henley can drum! The last two minutes of Hotel California is possibly THE best piece of rock music ever performed."
"I just know killing that hawk, even accidently, is sure to offend some deity somewhere! I'm cursed now..."
"Hee-hee! Curse of the Hawk! I'll bet he DID curse when he hit the car!"
"Those things can spot a field mouse a mile away, but he didn't see this big-ass SUV coming? Whattup with that?"
"If I start sprouting featers at the next full moon, I'll know why"

But, the hawk appeared to be okay. He sort of carommed off my vehicle, swooped around and landed back on the ground on his own two feet, well, talons...
I passed the spot again a couple of times later last night, and no sign of a dead or injured raptor. I was going slow at the time I hit him since I was approaching a stop sign anyway, so I'm pretty sure he's okay.
But maybe he'll find somewhere else to hang out.


Above the Norm said...

As I was reading this, I pictured a cartoon hawk hitting your car and then falling to the ground with its head twirling around and stars circling above. This is what happens when you watch lots of Looney Toone cartoons as a child, lol. I'm sure it is ok, perhaps suffering from a bruised ego.

Gummerfan said...

Good news! I saw the hawk an hour or so ago perched on a power line, appearing no worse for wear! :)
Now if those PETA protesters would kindly dispers before I'm forced to break out the riot gear & gas grenades...

Pangs said...

He probably wanted to discourage you from hawk stalking.

Autumnforest said...

Maybe you knocked some sense into him and he'll stay off the beaten path hencheforth. Damn! But, I know that inner dialogue in crazy moments. I remember when my son was having a seizure with meninigitis and I called 9-1-1 and the lady on the other end was was being a real bia-tch and I said, "please hurry." She said, "honey, I'm not coming to get him, the ambulance is." I immediately retorted, "I hardly thought you were going to grab your ratty purse and jump into your clunker car and come over here yourself. I'm talking about the ambulance!"

DaleTheDoll said...

I hate freaking birds! They always try to peck at my plastic skull!

Gummerfan said...

Dale, I can understand your feelings, especially regarding the hawk. He does have quite a pecker!