Is there room in the Para/Crypto/Fortean world for a gun-toting, paranoid, bipolar, opinionated bastard? A lonely romantic in search of his lost soul? A knight, Samurai, gunslinger, born in the wrong century? A self-destructive, doom-driven survivor seeking redemption? A heavy drinking gonzo outlaw cryptozoologist whose ego is exceeded only by his libido?
No, there isn't. That's why I'm here...

24 June 2011

The Bigger The Better!

As part of my new, positive approach, law of attraction thing, I started working on my Vision Board last night. I'm looking through magazines for pictures of things I want to have. I turned a page and came upon this... thing.

They're called Critter Gitters. (poetic, I know) the company's website is Apparently these behemoths are used on those big-ass "hunting ranches". You take a bunch of pampered, rich, city-dwelling wannabe hunters out on the ranch for a nice little canned hunt so they can shoot something and call themselves "hunters" and "outdoorsmen". In case you haven't picked up on it, I don't care much for this particular style of "hunting".
But, those huge vehicles ARE kinda neat. One might come in handy in case of a Graboid incursion, or maybe a Zombie apocalypse (provided you had plenty-o-fuel!) But when I'm rich and/or famous, I think I could find another use. Buy up a big chunk of remote property, get the Critter Gitter blinged out with a sound/video entertainment system, dance floor, some luxurious furnishings, and a wet bar. Drive a gang of friends out to the middle of nowhere and P-A-R-T-Y!!

11 June 2011

A Funny Thing Happened On The Path To Enlightenment...

Lately I've decided to look into some of my thoughts and theories a little more deeply. I've been pondering the possibilities that such things as monsters, "aliens", UFO's, as well as their folkoric counterparts may well be some form of "mental projection", meaning that the origins of these phenomena is actually inside our consciousness rather than "out there". Fortean researcher Nick Redfern postulates that the "celebrity cryptids" such as Bigfoot, Nessie, El Chupacabra, and others may in fact be "tulpas", or "thoughtforms made manifest". Since in so many cases of strange encounters it seems that the witnesses see what one would expect them to see (the ever-evolving UFO shapes from airships to saucers to triangles) as well as their apparent representations of cultural arechetypes (the dragon, the apeman, the giant flying creature), it does appear the the observers are in effect participants.
So, I started reading up on things like mind over matter, the power of visualization, and looking into theories of parallel universes and quantum physics. I was waiting on an order from Amazon last week, and one day I found myself with some time to kill. I decided to stroll around my local Books-A-Million and see what titles they may have. Some would call it synchronicity, an accident, a coincidence, while others insist there's really no such thing as synchronicities, accisednts, or coincidences. But a book title sort of jumped out me from from the rack. "Infinite Possibilities" by Mike Dooley. I wasn't expecting much, probably one of those "motivational" type things, but I picked it up and flipped through the pages. One italicised phrase appeared over and over again, "thoughts become things".
Okay, so I figured it might be worth a read since that seemed to go along with what I'm researching.
I know this sounds trite or cliche', but folks, that book has changed my life! By utilizing the principals in the book, backed up by what I'm learning from the scientific side (observation affects matter, the mutiple dimensions, the radical findings of the thought/matter/energy connection) I have experienced some incredible results after only a week or so! I find myself full of energy requiring less sleep, my attitude and mood have improved drastically, I've had unexpected money come into my life,(not a life-changing amount, but still...) I managed to get something I wanted at an incredibly low price, (miracle of miracles!) sex is even better, I could go on and on. This whole create your own reality thing appears to work!
I'm still reading and researching into this whole thing, but I've gotta say that I haven't been so into something in a long time!
But the big question is: will y'all still love me if I'm no longer an anger-and-angst filled bitter old curmudgeon? Yeah, of COURSE you will, because I want you to!

06 June 2011

Finding Bigfoot, And Leaving...

Yeah, I somehow managed to sit through last night's episode of "Matthew Moneymake Awesome Show Great Job", aka "Finding Bigfoot". (thanks in advance for the congratulations, lord knows it wasn't easy!)
I know it's early in the series' run, but I just gotta ask, "What's the POINT??!!" I mean, c'mon! Okay I'm willing to cut some slack to the GH, PS, GA (ugh...) crowd, because at least THEY have an "out"! Ghosts, you see, are ethereal, non-corporeal beings. Hauntings and associated phenomena, as well as UFOs and the majority of cryptid sightings are by their very nature, transcient phenomena. If a ghost doesn't want to communicate, if a spirit doesn't wish to "make its presence known", there's not a heck of a lot you can do about it. BUT, since $maker and company can apparently zero in on BF's location, if they can lure him out long enough to pose for a thermal blur, or if, miraculously by their very presence, they can "accidently" run across some "Holy Grail" tracks (from a BF with no left foot?), why do they LEAVE without , well, Finding Bigfoot?? Hell, if I ever ran across that kind of evidence, I like to see somebody try to get me out of there! Are they saving that for the finale or something?
I was also greatly surprised to learn the "fact" that the Swamp Ape's smell comes from its residing in abandoned alligator nests and soaking up methane!! Granted, I may not stay updated on the latest in Squatch news, but I had no idea that not only has it been proven that Swamp Apes exist in the first place, but apparently somebody's done Jane Goodall'ed them enough to study their nesting and grooming habits!
So far, my disappointment in this series is immeasurable. Why didn't $maker (aka "He Who Would Own BF") summon his minions, I mean, contact the local BSRO chapter, and scour the place if they had THAT much evidence the Big Guy was there?? Remeber the Great Jersy Devil Drive on Destination Truth?
Sure would have been a wiser use of his followers than convoying 'em all through the woods in their four-bys. (though I admit that rooftop thermal imager was a cool toy!)
I don't know if I'll watch FB again, maybe if there's one of those weekind marathon things. I already have the distinct impression that I'm not missing anything.

05 June 2011

This Is Just Weird...

You ever see something and think, "Y'know, I bet there's a story behind that!"? Ran across this scene today. Is it some kind of performance art? A form of protest? The fallout from a gang of angry Weight Watchers? A mysterious "sky fall'? (stranger things have happened!) Dropped by aliens? Your guess is as good as mine!

31 May 2011

Finding Bigfoot and Calling My Lawyer...

My attorney, being my attorney, is accustomed to recieving the occassional late night phone call. This particular call had nothing to do with contributing to the delinquency of a minor (heay, that girl was eighteen), possession of firearms (yeah, my pistol permit had expired, so I HAD no choice but to carry the shotgun)or lewd and lascivious conduct (I really WAS teaching that chick how to recharge a shake-light).
Nope, this call was different. Of course, I could have broached the subject a little more gently. My attorney wasn't prepared for a 3:00AM phone call that began with me yelling "PIGFUCKER!" into the reciever. "Excuse me?" "Oh, sorry... This is Gummer, it's really important. I need to know about "pigfucker", is it libelous? I mean, could some litigious son of a bithch sue me if I call him a pigfucker on my blog?"
My attorney was starting to grasp the purpose of the call. "You called me up at 3:00AM to ask me that?!"
My attorney just doesn't grasp the strength of my passion. "Look, I just saw this Bigfoot show. Matt Moneymaker is involved. Can I call him a pigfucker? He claims he's a lawyer, or used to be a lawyer. Of course, there's no record in any state bar association in the US of any lawyer named Matt Moneymaker ever practicing law. Oh, and the university of Akron, where he claims to have graduated with a JD has no record of him, either. But regardless, he DOES threaten to sue anyone who disagrees with him, or questions him, or posts pictures of Bigfoot without clearing them with him."
My lawyer and I discussed the use of "pigfucker" as well as "fraud". Since MM now has a TV show, do the standards of public figures apply? Do I have to prove he actually fucked a pig? Can I alledge, in print that he's fucked pigs and then refer to him as an "alleged pigfucker"?
After all, we ARE talking about the guy who claims to be a lawyer, who claims to be in possession of clear and convincing BF evidence which he refuses to share or divulge, who took over the BFRO and promptly ran the old-time leading investigor's out of the organization. The guy who has a record of intimidating or ridiculing witnesses. The guy who practically called a witness a liar because the witness's bigfoot didn't have a black nose! (ALL BF have black noses! If you see a hairy biped with a nose of another color, you're just hallucinating, so relax!)The guy who offer high-priced "Bigfoot Expeditions" to the crypto=tourist trade.
After much non-billable discussion, we decided that given Mr. Moneymaker's past behaviour, his aggressive tendencies, his apparent psychosexual fixation on law and the legal system, I would be prudent to find another descriptive term.
So, sorry folks, no pigfucker, no Finding Bigfoot review. Point to Moneymaker...
But, I can link to Cryptomundo, where some REAL cryptozoologists put in their two cents.

30 May 2011

Josiah: Undead Cowboy

If you read this blog,odds are you also read Autumnforest's Ghost Hunting Theories, so this isn't news to you. But, just in case, I'm tickled to announce the release of Autumn's (Sharon Day, but she'll always be Autumn to me!) new western horror ovella, "Josiah: Undead Cowboy" today. It's available on Kindle & Nook, and if you don't have an e-reader Amazon has a free Kindle reader download for your PC or smartphone, or whatever electronic device is currently en vogue. IOW, NO EXCUSES, PEOPLE!
Sharon was kind enough to send me an advance copy and it's awesome! Not only is it dedicated to Yours Truly, the character of Josiah was inspired by me. I was kinda apprehensive at first, but after reading it, I strongly suspect Sharon actually got inside my head and wandered around a while! That's no mean feat, since in all honesty even I'M afraid to look around in there myself!

27 May 2011

Who's Watching Me???

I was checking the map on to see who actually reads this stuff (and how many people looked at my ab shot, needless to say I was quite let down :( ), but along with the usual numbers for US, UK, Japan, Taiwan, and others, I saw "Unknown 2".
Whattup with that? I've got somebody from some "Unknown" country looking at my lil' ol' blog? WTF?
So, dear folks, if I come up missing or dead under mysterious circumstances or simply disappear, I'm leaving this valuable clue behind!

26 May 2011

Shadow People & MIB: Connection?

Just started reading the book "Casebook On The Men In Black" by Jim Keith. I haven't gotten that far yet, but a thought occurred to me. Keith argues the case that there is a connection between MIB and the various ebony-clad entities of folklore and religion. He does have a point, I guess. There are all kinds of old references to the "black man", the "dark man", and the "man in black".(no, not Johnny Cash!) The black man who meets you at the crossroads, the figures of Voodoo and Hoodoo, and all the other evil, or at least powerful figures of various religions. Keith does point out a lot of similarities. My problem is his reliance on testimony from numerous witch trials as his basis. Knowing the methods used to extract "confessions" from those accused of witchcraft in those dark times, I tend to take their "testimony" with a grain of salt.
Now, I have NO doubt that some MIBs are government agents. I can't say what agency they represent, or what their aims are, but I have no doubt the government would send agents to silence someone who witnessed say, a test of a secret aircraft. I also have no doubt that said agents may deliberately follow the "classic MIB" profile as a psychological tactic to insure the witness's compliance.
But, there are too many cases which suggest that MIBs are something else. Things like their new appearing vintage automobiles, their obsession with time, their bizarre speech patterns, their display of behaviour such as difficulty breathing, or as though the temperature is uncomfortable, or their unfamiliarity with eating utensils, Bic pens, and Jell-O. Yet they sometimes appear to witnesses the day after a UFO encounter, know the witness's name and details of their life, and possess an intimate knowledge of the encounter including details the witness has never shared with anyone.
With my mind in "conspiracy mode" I started to think about any other possible connections. Then it occurred to me, Shadow People?
SPs are black (blacker than black in fact). They seem to exist in another dimension. They have a penchant for observing people with or without their knowledge. Their ability to move through walls, remain unseen (most of the time), and appear and disappear at will would make them ideal for intelligence gathering, no? And if they exist in another dimension, their confusion regarding time, and their lack of familiarity with our physical realm makes sense. Heck, a lot of Shadow People even wear hats!
This is one of those puzzle pieces I'm always turning over in my twisted brain. I FEEL like there's something there, but I gotta admit I do need more evidence.

25 May 2011

"Lovely Day For An Exorcism!"

Remember that line from The Exorcist? That movie still creeps me out. So chilling, so accurate, (at least the exorcism part!), so freakin' scary!
But really, are demons actually that scary? That dangerous? After all, the kids from Paranormal State can get rid of 'em with less effort than Orkin does a quick roach job! TAPS calls in their resident "demonologist", he says a little prayer, problem solved! Just today I read a post on fb in which someone in the paranormal field (someone I happen to respect) mentioned exorcising a demon as casually as if they swatted a fly. Out of respect for the person in question, and since there's no point starting a big deal over it, I did not comment.
But, the truth is, there are darned few people who can actually go toe-to-toe (if demons have toes...) with a real demon and emerge unscathed and victorious. The fact of the matter is, the entities most of these self-proclaimed exorcists are really dealing with are not demons at all.
In the paranormal/monster hunting world, demons are regarded as major league players, heavy hitters, suspects of last resort. Spirits, negative entities, poltergeists, even fays or djinni are far more likely candidates in most cases. Demons aren't gonna be driven away (at least not permanently) buy blessed coins, a little smudging, or a simple "taking back" of the residence. These remedies may work temporarily, but if it's a demon, like MacArthur, it "shall return".
The PS crew is doing a dangerous "service" to interested viewers by labelling everything a "demon" and following their little homebrewed "Rituale Buelleum". IF Ryan & the gang ever encuntered a real demon, the folks in wardrobe had better have a change of underwear standing by.
And even my favorite fictional monster show, "Supernatural", while surprisingly accurate on a lot of the folklore presented, also makes way too light of the demon problem. Just reciting the Rituale and sprinkling some holy water wouldn't cut it in the real thing. In fact, if Sam & Dean were to even attempt an exorcism in the real world, the results would be disastrous. Face it, demons know our weaknesses, they are privy to our dirty little secrets, they exploit every chink in our armor. A demon would have Sam for lunch.
I've never performed an exorcism, and I never intend to attempt one. I HAVE spoken to Priests, clergy and laypeople who have either performed, assisted, or witnessed them, however.
There are few things in this world that I wouldn't try. That's one of them!

19 May 2011

Any Lost FEMA Workers Out There?

During the recent tornado outbreak here in North Alabama, I, like everyone else was glued to the TV and radio listening for updates. And now that the cleanup and recovery is well underway, I feel compelled to perform a Public Service.
If you're a newsperson, weatherperson, FEMA worker, or volunteer, it might help if you know where you're going, and if you must ask directions, then learn to pronounce the name of where you're going. It would also prove beneficial to the public at large if the area's meteorologists and NOAA radio stations could do likewise, just so residents can better track the storms instead of scratching their heads trying to figure out what y'all are talking about. So, here's a little helpful guide to keep you from sounding like idiots.

Chalybeate (alternatively Chalybeate Springs): It's pronouncec KLEE-bit! Not chally-beet, not cuhlee-bee-ate, and not shuh-lee-bee-it. If you ask for directions to any of those, everyone will assume you're up to no good since you obviously don't know anything about the place and you'll end up getting sent to Mississippi.

Basham: BASH-ham, not bashem, not BAY-sham, not Bayshum. Just think about pounding your pork or something.

Sinking Creek: pronounced Sankin Creek. ALWAYS! Never, EVER "Sinking" Creek! You WILL be laughed at!

Mtn. Home: Notice that "n" there? That's because it's Mountain Home, not Mount Home, dammit! Why is that so hard to remember? Is it because of...

Mt. Hope? There's NO "n" there, so it's Mount Hope. Again, not Mountain Hope! And Mt. Hope is where "Oh! Bryan's!" steak house (not "O'Brian's", "O'Brien's", or any variation thereof!) was destroyed.

Caddo: why is this one so hard? CAT-oh, not KAY-doh, and certainly not kuh-DOO!

Arab: pronounced AY-rab, as immortalized in Ray Stevens' classic "Ahab The Arab". It has nothing to do with an oil-rich desert country, magic lamps, or flying carpets. Granted, the source of the confusion may arise from Arab's annual "Love Us" Day celebrated on July 4th, during which the residents of Arab are encouraged to dress like, well, Arabs!

But, to give credit where it's due, they usually get "Neel" right, and surprisingly I never heard Hulaco mispronounced as "Hula-koh" or "Hyoo-LACK-oh". Hyoo-LAY-koh seems to come more naturally, I guess.

On a more serious note, the recovery & rebuilding is coming along nicely. The help and support have been outstanding, and the sense of community is stronger than ever. I'm sure all those affected by this tragedy will continue to hang in there long after the volunteers and rescue workers have returned to their home states, and after the FEMA workers have all packed up and gone back to... WARSH-in-tun.

18 May 2011

Little "Blair Witch-y", Huh?

Don't know if y'all have seen this or not. It's been making the rounds as a "Bigfoot Attack" video. Of course, with the opening intro about finding the camera, it pretty much screams Blair Witch or Gable Film. :)

15 May 2011


You don't hear about the Men In Black much anymore. Why is that I wonder? In the 50's and 60's, they kept pretty busy. Harassing UFO witnesses, putting researchers out of business, confiscating photos and evidence, even making pests of themselves during the Mothman sightings. And they didn't really go after "big game". Most of their targets were ordinary people who witnessed something strange and were urged or pursuaded to keep quiet. Even the researchers they targeted only had a small following. But some of the big names in the field of ufology and Forteana were left alone. John Keel, while reporting some indirect results of MIB activity, never had the typical MIB encounter familiar to students of the history. Same goes for Frank Edwards, Brad Steiger, and Art Bell and Bill Birnes. None of these celebs in the field ever had a brand-new looking vintage Cadillac pull up to their drive. The MIB seemed to concentrate mostly on witnesses.
Today, with the internet, there are numerous sites, blogs, and forums devoted to discussion of UFOs, conspiracies, underground bases, alien abductions, and other topics that we assume would interest them. But, the sites are still up, the researchers are still researching, the books (and ebooks) continue to be published. MUFON and other organizations are still collecting data. So, why no mass deployment of Asian appearing, black clad "Silencers"?
Maybe it's because UFOs have become so mainstream now. Maybe the agencies behind the MIB have decided that it doesn't matter what is said or published now. Maybe none of today's researchers or groups "know too much" or have gotten "too close to the truth".Maybe their department has suffered a massive funding cut?
Are the sinister agents of the MIB really gone? Have they curtailed their activities? Can we all relax now? Or, are the MIB, like the truth they hope to spress, are still "out there"?

13 May 2011

Just So Y'all Know...

Due to some kind of Blogger screwup, some comments have mysteriously disappeared.
Hey, it wasn't me! :)

11 May 2011

Banes, Blessings, or Bait?

Part of being a Monster Hunting, Ass-Kicking Enemy Of Evil is knowing the tools of the trade. Depending on the creature/entity in question, you gotta know what you need to be packin', right? Above is a pic of a Vampire Killing Kit from the 1800s. Another one is here:

These kits typically included crosses & crucifixes, mirrors (for detection), daggers, various herbs, holy water, silver flakes or powder, and of course the requisite stakes & hammer. Note the inclusion of a pistol. "Gee, BG", you're saying, "EVERYBODY knows Vamps are immune to gunfire!!". Well, check the folklore, buddy. Apparently vampires can be dispatched with a handgun (silver bullets optional) BUT, the gun has to be fired from the left hand. (I'm left-handed btw, I guess that gives me an edge!)
A quick search of Wiccan/Witchcraft/Occult oriented supply shops will turn up numerous candles, oils, herbs, incense, crystals, amulets, and other goodies intended to bless homes, objects, or individuals, and then there are spells, prayers, incantations, and meditative exercises utilized to defend against negative forces, dark energies, hostile entities, and other things that go bump in the night (or day, for that matter).
I can't help but wonder if some of this stuff is kind of self-defeating though. I mean, if you're HUNTING for a ghost or spirit, or INVESTIGATING a paranormal event or phenomenon, why would you load up on gear designed to drive them away? Kinda like going on a entomological expedition swathed in insect repellent. For that matter, why do so many Ghost Hunters, Paranormal Investigators, and TAPS wannabes expound on how they must investigate at night, and kill all the sources of "interference" (go dark), and THEN wire the location from attic to celler with IR lights, cameras, microphones, laser grids, and laptops? (not to mention being tailed by the camera and sound crew!).
And, on the subject of screwing around with paranormal entities, Phillip Imbrogno mentioned in "The Vengeful Djinn" that he was working on some experiments in djinn-heavy areas using a Tesla coil in an attempt to disrupt their plasic energy! Wonder how that's working out?
But really folks, I say leave the banes behind. Get that cross tattoo removed, take off that silver necklace. If you're going into the woods seeking monsters, sure, pack some heat, but don't go stampeding through the forest contaminating the area.
It's a scary truth that when it comes to monsters, all too often you have to be your own bait!

09 May 2011

A Vortex, You Say??

With all my blathering about multi-dimensional beings, time travel, the space/time continuum and the various examples of how reality doesn't like to play by our rules, I must say it did my heart good to find this article which states that a spacetime vortex apparently exists around the Earth.
Granted, when it comes to this stuff, some of the physics and theories involved DO put a strain on what's left of my gray matter, it's exciting to hear about these discoveries nonetheless. Not saying it explains all the heavy weirdness and high strangeness in the annals (two "n"'s!) of Fortean studies, but it just may provide a big piece to this twisted puzzle. Is this related to UFOs? Mysterious creatures? Bizarre anachronistic artifacts?
In the words of Popeye, "faskinatin'!"

03 May 2011

Does Bigfoot Fear The FLIR?

The biggest problem with the flesh-n-blood Bigfooters is the lack of evidence to support their position. No bones or bodies have ever been found. There is no fossil record in North America of anything resmbling a great ape. No hapless Bigfoot has ever been (as Chevy & Mopar fans say) Found On Road Dead. Well, here's another frustrating piece of info that I realize will not dampen their enthusiasm, but it may just stir the pot ond throw another faggot on the fire. (he said, mixing his metaphors...)
If you've ever seen the ghost hunting shows, or the monster hunting programs, you're no doubt familiar with the "FLIR" thermal imaging technology. If not, here's my best Grant Wilson impression: "'FLIR' stands for 'Forward Looking Infra Red', it's a technology that ranslates heat into a visual image".
Y'know, like how ghosts supposedly draw the heat out of the air, which causes cold spots and temperature drops, and they somehow appear as a heat source on a thermal imager. (okay, that doesn't make sense to me, either, but that's what they say anyway).
What you may not be aware of is that there are are choppers and helicopters that fly around our forests and wilderness areas using FLIR cameras to monitor animal populations, species surveys, spotting potential "hot spots" for fire prevention, and other wildlife studies. And it's not just counting little white dots, modern FLIR cameras can capture images sophisticated enough to count everything from grouse to ground squirrels.
Check this out:

The above photo from the Vision Air Research website shows four moose south of Denali National Park at 2,500 feet distance. Color me impressed.
So, how many BFs have had their images captured in any of the aerial FLIR surveys? Zip. Zilch. Nada. Not one. Not even a blobsquatch.
Defenders of the flesh-n-bllod argument attempt to counter such arguments by granting BF attributes which they shouldn't possess. "BF hasn't been captured by a trailcam because they can smell the plastic housing, or the batteries, or see the infrared lights." (no other great ape displays a sense of smell anywhere near that keen). "BF is nocturnal". (no other great ape is) BF has learned to avoid automobiles, that's why one has never been hit by a log truck." (that's a record even H. sapiens can't match!).
So, I suppose the "undiscovered ape" camp will just say that BF can hear the chopper or plane coming from miles away, has learned to avoid them (even to the extent of concealing their body heat), and has passed this info along to their offspring and to other members of the species via the woodknock telegraph.
Of course, there's always the possibility that the FLIRs just haven't been in the right place at the right time.

28 April 2011

Watch The Skies!

I'll try to be brief since I need to conserve my battery. I'm in North Alabama. We had a freakish series of tornadoes yesterday and last night. After numerous trips back & forth to the shelter, I'm pleased to report that me & mine are all okay. Some folks weren't that lucky. They're talking anywhere from 3-6 days before power is restored. Gasoline is hard to find, all the stores that ARE open can't take cards, and of course the banks are closed and the atm's are down. So far everybody seems to be managing. No reports of looting, pillaging, or cannibalism yet.
I don't know if the aliens or the Cosmic Joker, or some other Intelligence is behind this or not. But, their have been a lot of mass UFO sightings across the world recently, some people say we are being prepared for a major UFO event. The weather across the South is supposed to be clear, there is very little air traffic, and if you're in a blacked-out area, you should have an unprecedented view of the night sky for the next few days. If THEY want to get our attention, this would be an ideal time to sit out under the skies and see what you can see. If nothing else, the peace, quiet, and pleasant view will be nice and relaxing in the midst of the chaos.

23 April 2011

Spidey Vs Gummerfan?

A couple of days ago I was bitten by spider. I've never been bitten by one before (not to my knowledge anyway). I knew it wasn't a black widow, but I was concerned about the possibility it may have been a brown reluse. It got me on the neck (maybe it just wanted to give me a hickey? Maybe it was a shapeshifting vampire spider?). I shook the offending arachnid out of my shirt and caught it in a water bottle. Then I went in to Google to see what I could find out. I've known some people who've had reluse bites, and they're really nasty. I saw a few images of the effects of their bites, and decided that having my neck dissolve into a nasty mess of necrotic flesh wasn't worth the risk (after all, I NEED my neck, that's where my head sits!). So, assailaint in hand, I made a trip to the ER. Fortunately, it wasn't a poisonous species. The Doc put me on some antibiotics just as a precaution.
I also haven't noticed any superpowers yet. Despite our proximity to a nuclear plant, apparently the spider wasn't radioactive. While some superpowers would come in handy for "your friendly neighborhood monster hunter", I suppose it's just as well.
I live in a rural area. (no skyscrapers to swing from, crawl on, or jump from rooftop to rooftop). To get the most from Spidey-powers, I'd have to relocate.

The costume just wouldn't cut it. That blue and the shade of red could result in my being mistaken for an Auburn fan, and I can't have that. Plus, there's no place to pack guns, ammo, knives, or other gear. My get-up would be something more along the lines of the Punisher's outfit.

"With great power comes great responsibility", not sure I'm up to that.

The Spidey-powers cause Peter Parker nothing but trouble anyway. My life's complicated enough already.

And don't female spiders bite the heads off the male after they mate? In the words of Woody Allen: "Sex and death, two things that happen once in a lifetime."
So, all in all, I guess it's no biggie that I can't wallcrawl or websling, but rest assured "true believers", I'll continue to do what I can with what I've got!

20 April 2011

Yippee-Ky-Yay, Bloodsuckers!

I've been doing some aimless driving lately. Well, not exactly "aimless", I just came to the realization one night that somewhere back in my past, I lost my soul. It's weird not having one, not feeling like a "real" person. Friedrich Nietzsche said that "He who hunts monsters must take care lest he become a monster". I'm not a monster of course, but sometimes I feel like a Zombie. Like a souless shell masquarading as a human being. So, I've been revisiting some places from my past, trying to see if I can locate & reclaim whatever it was I lost along the line.
A lot of my "road music" playlist consists of songs that tell a story. And Cowboy songs do that very well. Here's some of my faves to get myself into Cowboy/Outlaw mode:
I don't know whose idea it was for Willie Nelson and Ray Charles to do a duet, but it sure as hell worked. Seven Spanish Angels is one of my all-time favorite songs. The fact that I can NOT make it through that second verse without tearing up speaks volumes
Another great Willie Nelson duet is the classic Ballad Of Pancho & Lefty with Merle Haggard. If you really pay attention to the lyrics and read between the lines, you'll discover a really poignant aspect of the story. (and no, I ain't tellin'!)
Does it get any better than Joan Baez singing Bob Dylan? I doubt it. And I love her cover of Lily, Rosemary, and the Jack of Hearts. I stumbled upon a website and found a lot of Dylan fans posting their "interpretations" of the song. Well, folks, you're all WRONG!. It's a story, plain and simple. It's funny how some people can listen to a song and not really hear it!
Cowboys, ghosts, Hell, and the great Johnny Cash! Put 'em all together and you get Ghost Riders In The Sky, possibly the greatest cowboy song ever.
There are plenty of others, of course. "My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys", "Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys", Warren Zevon's "Ballad of Frank & Jesse James" and "Jeannie Needs A Shooter"...
If you're into Ghosts, Monster Hunting, UFO spotting, or any other aspect of Paranormal Investigation, you should bear in mind that you're a pioneer. You're staking a claim, striking out for a New Frontier, unexplored territory.. We all have a lot in common with the heroes of the American West. So, before your next adventure, while you're packing and checking your high-tech gear, don't forget to "Cowboy up" as well!

17 April 2011

Gummerfan Sees UFO

I spent part of last week "on the river" as we say around here. My dad is the manager for a private recreation area on the Tennessee River. It's a pretty sweet setup. He's retired, and now in exchange for maintenance and groundskeeping duties (which he enjoys anyway) he gets a nice little house at the river (all expenses and utilities paid) and he gets to boat, swim, & fish whenever he wants to. My folks have their camper trailer set up on site as well, with full utilities.
So, my family spent some of Spring Break staying in the camper.
I didn't see any monsters, but I did get to do some close observations of the resident cranes. Cranes are frequently scapegoated for the Mothman sightings, and based on what I've seen of them, all I can say is "no effin' way". They don't even come close to resembling the eyewitness descriptions. They MAY be misidentified in some of the "pterosaur" reports, though. In flight, their angled wings, long necks, crested heads, and long legs trailing behind do look a lot like some kind of pterosaur-like creature. Not sayin' it explains them all, but I concede that some misidentification may be responsible for some reports.
Now, about that UFO: One clear night I went outside for a smoke ("NO smoking in the camper!", I'm reminded every time I go outthere!). So, I'm outside looking up at the night sky. The sighting wasn't anything dramatic, no pics or video, or even a real description. I caught sight of a small light at what appeared to be high altitude. It was moving incredibly fast across the sky. It wasn't a meteor. I'veseen plenty of those. I thought it may have been a satellite at first, then (as if it knew what I was thinking and wanted to mess with me!) it performed a couple of rapid zigzag maneuvers before zipping out of sight. So, no, it wasn't a satellite, it wasn't a plane, it wasn't anything natural. The whole sighting only lasted a few seconds, and if I weren't a compulsive sky-watcher I never would have even noticed it.
What was it? I don't know. That's what the "U" stands for, right?

FBI Files On Cattle Mutilations...

Thanks to Regan Lee at Animal Forteana for turning me onto this! Here's some newly released FBI files on the investigation of cattle abductions and mutilations. Freaky, huh?

06 April 2011

Blog Plug!

Just wanna give a heads-up to a new blog. Check out Sarah LaBrie's Ghost Chicks blog. Ghosts? Chicks? Aliens? Count ME in!

05 April 2011

Sex And Monsters

Today I found this fascinating post by Micah Hanks about two subjects near and dear to my heart. Namely, sex and monsters! (it also talks about portals or vortices, so make that three subjects!).
I've read numerous accounts of monster sightings by people who were engaged in extracurricular amorous activity at the time. From the well-known Mothman and Goatman to the various urban legends about escaped mental patients and hook-handed murderers. I've got a story in my files from Southeast Alabama about a Bigfoot sighting by a man and woman who wish to remain anonymous due to the fact that they're married, but not not to each other if you know what I mean. I've read tales of witnesses to UFO phenomena while likewise "engaged" as well. I wonder if the Intelligence behind some of these encounters has a twisted sense of humor? Or maybe interdimensional blackmail is part of the agenda? Granted, some of the Lover's Lane legends are nothing more than apocryphal tales passed down to keep hormonally charged yutes in line. It's also possible that less than chvalrous males may spread the story instill a little extra incentive to the "put out or get out" ploy.
One things for sure, secluded spots, heavy horniness, and high strangeness seem to hand in hand.
I firmly feel this is worthy of some in-depth research, some major probing, and perhaps a few nights spent exploring the bush.
All in the name of discovery, of course.

03 April 2011

Dragon In Alabama?

A reader recently commented on one of my older posts about the strangeness associated with the Sand Mountain region. This is a new one on me, and since it's an older post I thought I'd pass along his comment:
"I found this site while searching for anything online about the Sand Mountain Monster. About every three years, there is a report somewhere around Fyffe or Geraldine that a huge dragon-type animal was spotted swallowing a cow before disappearing back into the caves. If you search long enough through the local papers, you are bound to run across at least one reference. It appears to be like the Loch Ness monster--those who live nearby take it for granted."

Pretty interesting, huh? I found it kind of intriguing that the poster mentioned Fyffe. Fyffe is famous for ite UFO flap and was one of the celebrated locations for the cattle mutilation phenomenon. It's a fact that large reptiles (like big snakes, alligators and crocs) can consume a large meal and then go into kind of a stupor while digesting the meal. The pattern of consuming a cow, then retreating into the coolness of the caves for a long period is consistent with known reptile behaviour.
One thing's for certain, between the cattle mutilations and a hungry dragon, it's tough to be a cow on Sand Mountain!

01 April 2011

Destination Truth: Did Josh Get Djinned Up?

One of the challenges facing researchers into the unknown is determinig just what exactly you're up against. Ghost? Demon? Alien? Cryptid?
If you're a regular reader, you know that I have a "thing" for Djinn (and gin as well, but I digress). I've just finished reading "The Vengeful Djinn", a great book by paranormal researchers Rosemary Ellen Guiley and Philip J. Imbrogno. The book uses lore from the Qur'an, various religious and folkloric texts, and interviews with witnesses to paint a picture of these mysterious entities. In some of his other works, Imbrogno has theorized that the Djinn may well be living, intelligent creatures formed from plasma. He argues a good case that the Djinn are actually behind a number of paranormal phenomena, ranging from UFOs/aliens, to Bigfoot/cryptids and even hauntings.
I caught part of Destination Truth the other night. In the episode, the team explored the desert ghost town of Kolmanskop. The town was reputed to be haunted by the ghosts of the miners who died there. I'm not so convinced that that's the case. I'd bet dollars to donuts that the paranormal activity there is the result of a resident Djinn. Follow:
The Djinn are desert dwellers. The Qur'an and other Muslim texts relate that the evil Djinn are banished to "the desert places". While Djinn are reputed to dwell in caves, caverns, wells, and other natural shelters, they demonstrate a preference for abandoned buildings and homes. An abandoned town, in the process of being swallowed up by the desert, is an IDEAL homestead for Djinns. And when Djinn move in, they don't like to move out. The fact that the majority of events took place in the butcher shop is another clue. The Djinn have a propensity for hanging around in "unclean" places.(as an aside, vampires and other negative entities have a long folkloric tradition of lurking in outhouses and cessponds. Try telling a "Twilight" groupie that a vampire is more likely to be found in a toilet than a blood bank!) A building where flesh was chopped and blood was shed would certainly fall into that category.(considering that the town was founded by Germans and that pork and "unclean" meat was processed in the shop adds even more to the possibility).
The Qur'an also states that Djinn quite literally "whisper in man's ear". EVPs? HELLO! Another aspect of the Djinn's nature is that they can cause illness. Being non-corporeal, Djinn can enter the body through orifices or even pores and cause pain and discomfort (including nosebleeds and breathing difficulties no doubt!)
And one argument against the ghost/haunting theory is: while life and death in the mining town was certainly tough, what with the unbearable heat and inherent dangers of working the mine, we're NOT talking about a particular hellhole. Life and death in a mining town don't really compare to say, a prison, hospital, TB sanitarium, mental asylum, or any of the other more notorious sites for a haunting.
I'm convinced that in this case, we're not talking ghosts. Man moved out, Djinn moved in!

26 March 2011

Encounters Wanted!

I've got a ton of books related to encounters with monsters/cryptids/high strangeness. Most of these are older encounters (face it, by the time an encounter is reported, investigated, and a book published, it's O-L-D!). And of course, most of them, (investigation-wise) have been "done to death".
I'd like to reach out to my readership and my friends in the blog/cyber world to report any of your personal encounters to me, or refer any reports you may come across. I've actually got a few in my files that I've recieved, however, unless I have permission, I will not post them, and of course I run across a few on the web, but there are a few problems with that. So, here's my list of "rules and requirements":

1. Submit reports to (this isn't the same email that I'm reached at through the blog)

2. Please state whether or not I have permission to post, publish, or share & discuss your report with other researchers. Some stories may seem minor or inconsequential, BUT, since I and other researchers are looking for patterns and such, what may seem like a minor incident could add a great deal to the overall body of data on any given phenomena. (your report of strange lights in the sky may not seem important, but if it corresponds with another incident in the same or nearby area, or at the same time, it could provide a valuable clue!)

3. Include as many details as possible. Date, time, sights, sounds, smells, "feelings" or sensations, etc.

4. Include your name and/or the names of any other witnesses. If you prefer to remain anonymous, let me know and your wish will be honored. Trust me, I am, after all, a professional.

5. While I don't "do" ghosts per se (there are plenty of people and groups who specialize in that), I am interested in your encounters (hey, it may not even be a ghost, many entities masquerade as ghosts, or can be mistaken for them). ANY reports of paranormal phenomena are welcome, from monsters to aliens, to UFOs, bumps in the night, a weird-looking animal you can't identify, bizarre events, you name it!

And please, no hoaxers!! I realize that the anonymity of the internet is a two-edged sword. While it provides a level of security for those who wouldn't otherwise report something, it also provides ample opportunities for hoaxers and jokers. I WILL attempt follow-up communication with respondents, and if I don't recieve a reply the report goes in the garbage. I WON'T call you crazy, I won't assume you're lying, and I won't pass judgement on your report.

So, let's start getting those sightings in!

24 March 2011

Get OUTTA My Head!

Okay, this is creepy! A couple of weeks ago, I posted about Goober and the Ghost Chasers and Scooby Doo. Now, what happens? If you watched GH this week (I didn't, but...) you saw that TAPS done got 'em a dawg! I'm not saying they got the idea from me, of course. Heck, I'm just a lonely voice crying out in the wilderness of the Paranormal world.
But then again...
If you've read some of my other posts, you'll know that I'm a gear & gadget freak. I've posted before about equipment I've run across in the hunting/camping/survival catalogs that might make for a nice bit-o-kit for the Monster Hunter or Paranormal Researcher. Well, lo & behold, Josh Gates and the DT crew have picked up Bass Pro Shops as a sponsor. Of course, BPS is sort of a "yuppie" outdoor shop. It's kinda like Lowe's. People who don't know about Cheaper Than Dirt, Shooter's Guide, Midway, Shotgun News or Charlie's Army/Navy Surplus gladly travel or go online for the priviledge of paying through the nose for overpriced gear from Bass Pro Shops.
But what really got my goat was seeing the DT team utilize an electronic predator caller. I've been thinking about that for a long time. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've never mentioned it here or anywhere else online because I didn't want someone stealing the idea from me. :( I admit it'll be interesting to see how well it works on cryptozoological predators, or if Josh & company will just find themselves surrounded by droves of pesky coyotes. :D

And on the subject of coincidences:
It's funny how every time I think about giving up the blog, I get a new follower or two. Is the universe stringing me along by providing me with incentive to keep going just a little longer? Or are there people out there awaiting my virtual demise who want to make sure they don't miss it?

20 March 2011


What's a guy to do? For the past month or so, I've been suffering from a major case of the Blaahhs. It's like I've stepped out of harmony with the universe or lost my Mojo or something. I haven't felt like keeping up the blog, I haven't posted many smart-ass comments on Facebook, I haven't been working out or even maintaining my lethal combat/survival skilz...
Maybe Charlie Sheen is somehow siphoning off my positive energy ("Adonis DNA" my ass!), I'm sure he needs it. Last week I came down with some kind of virus thing and spent two fun-filled days and nights with fever, chills, painful joints & muscles and generally feeling like warmed-over crap. I'm all over it now, but the Blahs are still here. I just haven't been my usual psycho/gonzo/happy-go-lucky self lately.
I HAVE been devouring a few fascinating books, reading up on UFO attacks, trying to make sense of the whole abduction thing, and learning some awesome info on one of my favorite topics, the Djinn. (did you know that the militaries of several nations have actively pursued and tried to capture them? Is that the REAL reason the US runs to the Mideast whenever an excuse presents itself?) I learned that during the wave of "chupa" (aggressive UFO) attacks in Brazil, the police and military captured some really amazing photos and video evidence. Said evidence was purchased by "an unnamed US firm". I'll lay you dollars to donuts Robert Bigelow had something to do with that. I learned this from "Confrontations" by Jacques Vallee. Vallee has spent some time on Bigelow's payroll as a consultant, so it's understandable that even if he knows Mr. Bigelow has possession of the evidence, he'snot gonna bite the hand that occassionally feeds him and reveal anything.
On the bright side, the weather's finally warmed up, Spring is in the air, the sun's shining, bears are bearing, bees are being, and thank God the Tiki Bar is open.
Hopefully this too shall pass.

12 March 2011

Pioneers Of Paranormal Investigation! (a salute!)

Before there was ever a Ghost Hunters franchise, before Zak and his gang-o-douchebags ever had a "lockdown", before Ryan Buell began obsessively trying to imitate Sylvester Stallone's voice,(I read that he actually walks around the sets rehearsing his delivery...) there was an inteprid team of Paranormal Investigators captivating TV audiences.
In fact, I'm certain that without the contributions of this pioneering team, there would be no Ghosts Hunters, no TAPS, and of course no legions of rabid followers, copycats, and wannabes.
If you're younger, you may have never heard of this band of pioneers. Or perhaps they're just a faded memory. But to me, they're the originals, the archetypes after which today's Paranormal Societies have consciously or subconsciously patterned themselves. I refer not to the Spiritualists, nor to the early parapsychologists, nor even to the esteemed Father of Ghost Hunting himself, the great Hans Holzer.
Nope, I'm talking about the folks who REALLY started the ball rolling, the team of Goober And The Ghost Chasers.

While viewed by some as just a Scooby-Doo ripoff, G&TGC was actually quite novel. First off, the ghosts were occassionally REAL, not just Farmer Jenkins in a rubber mask. And since the TAPS Paramag didn't exist at the time, our crew was employed by Ghost Chasers magazine to investigate hauntings and spooks all over the globe, while the Scooby gang just sort of cruised around until they suddenly found themselves with a mystery on their hands. ( and how many TAPSophiles don't dream of having an expense account to fund their hunts?).
Plus, just like today's ghost hunters, the Goober team had some specialized equipment at their disposal. While Jay & Grant have their EMF meters and KIIs (and the ever-popular "key-the-walkie-and-light-up-the-meter" trick) the Goobs had their ever-reliable Specter Detector. Before the advent of IR and thermal cams, Gillie of the Goober team was never without his trusty instamatic and flashcubes. (remember flashcubes?).
And, while today's Ghost Hunting shows feature guest shots by B-list celebs, Goober and The Ghost Chasers were frequently accompanied by the then-superstar Partridge Kids! (take THAT, Meatloaf!)

In fact, one episode revolved around a villiain attempting to steal Danny Partridge's voice! Fortunately for Danny and the world, the team managed to thwart his evil scheme!
So, as you tune in to view Steve & Tango attempting to manufacture, er, I mean, isolate and enhance EVP's, or ponder the possibilities of whether a 3D full-spectrum camera will do a better job of capturing blurry, inconclusive photographic evidence, take the time to give proper respect to the true pioneers of the industry, the team who had a hot redhead (Tina) before there was a Kris Williams, who had the catchphrase "This is ridic-alic-alic-alous!" long before anyone ever uttered "Dude, run!" Heck, Goober could even turn invisible, a feat which no modern counterpart has accomplished!
Goober and The Ghost Chasers: I salute you!

08 March 2011

Speaking of Aliens...

While I'm on the topic of alien invaders, I'm sure you've seen this article about a NASA scientist discovering evidence of extraterrestrial life.
I find this kinda disturbing in a tinfoil hat sort of way for many reasons:

1: I'm pretty darned close to the Marshall Center (and Jessica, I know you're even closer!) So if the Andromeda Strain or Zombie Virus or Mutant Germs From Beyond Spaaaaaaaaace were to somehow be found alive and escape from containment, your truly is near Ground Zero. Fortunately, I've got a good supply of tinfoil, plastic garbage bags and duct tape on hand. (and yeah, as a matter of fact I DO have an NBC mask and a stock of spare filters as well!). But I don't know if hunkering down with my family in an airtight abode is a better alternative to what may be "out there", especially once we start breaking open the Beenie-Weenies!

2:Did you catch that part in the article where the scientist said that some of the microrganisms didn't resemble anything KNOWN? I notice this part has been edited from most of the other versions of the article. Creepy, no? I'm bettin' there's some geneticist chompimg at the bit to try and replicate the things!

3: I've noticed that since the release of the story NASA and the scientific community seem to be doing an about face (or at least an oblique! if you've ever been in a marching band you'll know what that is...) . A day ago it was being touted as a major milestone, a scientific breakthrough. NOW it appears that NASA is pulling the old "wait a minute, we may have been mistaken, yep, move along, nothing to see here" trick. Anybody feelin' deja vu-ish here? "No, no, that wasn't wreckage from a flying disc at all, it was just a weather balloon..." I'm sure even now some of the websites are screaming "cover-up!"

06 March 2011

When UFOs Attack!

I realize that it's not really "in vogue"to consider that UFOs and aliens are anything other than well-meaning, benevolent Space Brothers. Or, at worst, beings who are only interested in harvesting some DNA or cattle organs to help sustain their dying race.
To ascribe any negative or primitive behaviours or attributes such as deliberate cruelty, malicious mischief, or causing intentional harm, to the UFOnauts (whoever or whatever they are) is the intergalactic equivalent of Political Incorrectness. Well folks, Politically Correct is a label which is rarely applied to yours truly! So, the Space Bros are a morally advanced, benevolent, even kind & caring bunch-o-beings, right? Well, try telling that to the Brazilians!
I first read about the "Chupa" phenomenon when I saw it mentioned in "Hunt For The Skinwalker". I thought it was interesting, but I got so caught up in the other heavy weirdness in the book that I put it on the back burner. Now, I've just finished "UFO Danger Zone: Terror and Death in Brazil- Where Next?" by Bob Pratt. The UFO attacks in Brazil have also been researched by noted UFOlogist Jacques Vallee, and are the subject of his book, "Confrontations" which I haven't read yet.
The reports are too long to post here, but here's a link to a blog detailing just a few of the encounters. More can also be found here.
While reading through the statements of the winesses and victims, a few things set off my paranoid radar. First: the UFOs seem to exhibit some contridictory characteristics. They can spot and target a single individual from a great distance, yet they can be thwarted if the target hides in the bushes? They can travel and accelerate at impossible speeds, but the victims can escape by RUNNING AWAY? The UFOs are equipped with beams or rays capable of levitating people or objects, but they can't get you if you grab a bush, tree, or even clumps of grass? Such advanced beings/craft resort to grappling hooks as an attempted abduction tool?
These contradictions may not make sense to some, but to a compulsive paranoid like myself, I smell disinformation! Are you safe if you hide in the undergrowth? Of course not! But by making us think that, THEY are intilling a false sense of security. (why build a bunker if you're convinced you're safe in a closet?). And NO, you couldn't really outrun them, but it's good strategy for them to convince us that we can, right? Could they really pluck you up despite your efforts to resist? Most likely, but, if they were just testing equipment, or performing some kind of experiment (or recon?) they wouldn't really have to, would they?
It's a fascinating, intrigueing, and yes, frightening topic.
Is Brazil just a proving ground for some kind of advanced technology (extraterrestrial or otherwise)? Wht's they're purpose? What's their goal? Why are they there? And of course, the most chilling question of all: WHO'S NEXT??

05 March 2011

Bigfoot: Do They Go Both Ways?

The debate continues in the Crypto/Para camps. Is BF just an undiscovered primate? An undocumented ape species, possibly a relic hominid, OR, is BF a paranormal, dimension-hopping entity not of this natural earth? Tastes Great! Less Filling! Hey, you got paranormal in my primate! You got primate in my paranormal!...
Both sides of the debate have their strident supporters, both sides can present eyewitness testimony and anecdotal and circumstatial evidence to support their respective cases. I've followed this debate for decades, I've jumped from one side of the fence to the other often enough to qualify as an Olympic hurdler. I've also straddles said fence enough that I should be walking bowlegged by now. I have decided to offer an alternative scenario. Who says Bigfoot can't be BOTH?
You're probably saying, "Okay, Gummer, you're just trying to have it both ways! That's just not fair!" But hear me out before you slap the wishy-washy waffle label on me.
First up, there's plenty of precedent for this position elsewhere in the lore and legends of the world. We KNOW dogs exist, we know black dogs exist. They walk among us every day, they eat their Dog Chow, fetch balls & sticks, retrieve fallen fowl, stand guard, and do all the other things normal dogs do. Because they ARE normal dogs. However, folklore and Forteana are full of examples of black dogs that are most decidely not normal. The Beast of Bungay, the Black Shuck, numerous other hellhounds, devil dogs and spectral black canines with glowing red eyes that serve as phantom guardians, portents of death and destruction, or even as protectors. Black dogs are normal known animals, Phantom Black Dogs are paranormal phenomena. By extension, the same can be said of other animals. Wolves, cats, crows, owls, coyotes, and so on. A check of folklore and tradition will reveal a ton of accounts in which normal, known, natural animals behave in abnormal, unknown, and unnatural ways. So, why shouldn't it be possible for BF to be a normal (albeit undocumented) creature, yet also serve as a model for have a supernatural counterpart?

OOPs! (There it is!)
Another area of Cryptozoology is the research into cases of Out Of Place animals. Known creatures who appear in places where they simply shouldn't be. Documented sightings of kangaroos, maned lions, and the ubiquitous alien black big cats in the Midwest, chimpanzees in FL, the list goes on. There's no reason to believe the OOP animals are themselves anything other than flesh-n-blood species. Only the circumstances of their appearance (and disappearance) defies the Natural Order Of Things. So, a BF in the Cascade Mountains? Sure. A BF in a big city, or a desert? OOPs!

What time is it?
In addition to Out Of Place animals, the annals of Cryptozoology and High Strangeness also reveal accounts of "out of time" animals. We know that giant birds (Teratorns) and huge winged dinosaurs (Pterasaurs) ONCE existed. There's no doubting the evidence there, but these creatures are (supposedly) long gone. Other dinosaurs have long since perished as well. But, we still have eyewitness accounts of Thunderbirds and other giant flying things (both feathered and fleshed), and other living dinosaurs reported from Texas to Ohio to the Congo. Again, we know the creatures once existed. The only thing about them that is inexplicable is that people still see the darned things. Is Giganto extinct? Is Neandertal Man a thing of the past? Most likely. But somebody needs to inform THEM of this fact. Again, natural creatures in unnatural circumstances.

And of course there's the frustrating possibility that the whole BF phenomenon is yet another example of some kind of unfathomable Intelligence letting us see what "It" wants us to see. Like the numerous UFO/alien stories, or creatures from the Faery realm or nature spirits, BF may just be an interdimensional sock puppet putting on a show for whatever reason...

13 February 2011

Strangest Bigfoot/UFO Encounter EVER...

I read about this case in Stan Gordon's latest book. I've read and heard of combination Bigfoot/UFO encounters before. Granted, I take some "atypical" BF/monster sightings with a grain of salt. This one, however, was investigated by a respected researcher and his team, and the witnesses included a state trooper. Some of the phenomena was recorded on two seperate tape recorders the investigators had with them.
Here's a great synopsis of the account posted on the UFO Mystic site.
Pennsylvania Bigfoot/UFO Encounter
That account reminded me of something I read years ago about Native Americans and creatures they called "Crazy Bears" which came to Earth in small "moons". I can't remember my original source, but here's an account I found online:

The many popular Native American legends of wise visitors from the sky could be the legacy of early California encounters. One of the first UFO-Bigfoot accounts occurred in 1888, and comes from the journal of a cattleman who had wintered with a tribe of Native Americans in northern California. During his stay, he saw a member of the tribe carrying a platter of raw meat into the forest. He followed the Indian to a nearby cave. Upon entering, he was amazed to see the Indian feeding the meat to a large, hairy man-like creature. The creature was totally covered with thick hair, except for its palms. Also, the creature had no neck, but ws much larger than a man. The Indian tribe called him "Crazy Bear" and explained that he had come to the earth in a "small moon" which carried two other similar creatures. Inside the "small moon" were several other entities who were human-looking, only very short and they wore shiny, silver clothes. After disgorging the three creatures, the object took off into space. The Indians told the cattleman that similar incidents had happened throughout the years, but only rarely.

UFOs Over California: A True History of Extraterrestrial Encounters in the Golden State (Paperback)
by Preston Dennett (2004)

That's what's so frustrating about trying to figure this stuff out. IS Bigfoot nothing more than an ape species that has eluded detection? Or is there more to the story? This is why I'm convinced that there's an "Intelligence" behind these phenomena. I have no idea what its purpose or motivation might be, but it seems to persist in throwing a monkey wrench into our thoughts and theories. It teases us, it "feeds" us just enough to keep us guessing. Maybe someday we'll be able to understand the game, and then, maybe, we can get the jump on it.

Couple Of Quickies:

No, not THAT kind!
Remember the Huntsville Marriott Bigfoot encounter? I've just started reading Jessica Penot's "Haunted North Alabama, (hey Jess, they've got it at Sam's Club!). Remember how I said the Marriott is right in the midst of the Space And Rocket Center and Space Camp complex? And how the land around it abuts the Redstone Arsenal and NASA properties? Well, in the chapter in her book dealing with paranormal activity at Space Camp, Jessica revealed a little tidbit of which I was unaware. It seems that the Arsenal property contains a Paleo-Indian burial site. (gee, Jessica, you coulda told me about this lol!) Ancient burial sites and Indian mounds have a long association with various monster sightings. From Bigfoot to the Dogman/Werewolf creatures to Phantom Black Dogs and a host of others. Is there a connection? I can't say, but it was intersting to learn about that.
And while we're on the subject, the complex is smack dab between two highway exits. Linda Godfrey and other researchers have noted that there are creature sightings that seem to center around highway exits and interchanges. And anyone who's researched the folklore will know that the "crossroads" has a long tradition of being a spot to rendezvous with weirdness.
I also received an email this week from a reader who said they have an encounter to share. Hey, I'm all ears! Don't tease me like that! Hope to hear back from you! :)

07 February 2011

Valentine's Day Gift Ideas (with STYLE!)

It's an old tradition, flowers and plants make nice Valentine's Day gifts. But, what if you're a Monster Hunter, whose tastes run to the more unique members of the plant kingdom? Here's some of my favorite freaky flora...

Colocasia Gigantea Thailand Giant strain: this is NOT your momma's Elephant Ear. None of those wimpy little 5-6' stalks here! Can you say B-I-G?

Really handy for fanning away that Summer heat! Note the SUV in the background!

Holy Rhubarb, Batman!
Elephant Ears not wild enough for you? (even if it IS giant economy size?) How about thrilling the one you love by giving them Gunnera? No, it's not a social disease, it's Gunnera manicata, a giant rhubarb! Sometimes called "Dinosaur Food". Just imagine lying beneath the shade of one of those eight-foot wide leaves, or seeking shelter from a sudden shower...

Amazing aroids:
Need something a little more colorful? Something that says "Roses? We don't need no steenking roses!"? Here's a couple of flowery freaks that NO one would mistake for an FTD bouquet! Oh, and speaking of bouquets, both of these alien-looking flowers feature an aroma that can best be described as "carrion-esque." Plainly speaking, they exude an odor that strongly resembles dead meat. These plants only flower for a short time (mercifully, I guess!), so, in order to attract flies to spread pollen, they really do smell like decaying flesh. Nicknames for these plants include "Voodoo Lily", "Stink Lily", "Carrion Flower"... get the picture yet? Oh, and guys, if you give your lady love one of these and she appreciates it enough to keep it in the house, she must REALLY love you!
First up, Dracunculus vulgaris (cool name, huh?) aka Dragon Lily:

How about that color scheme?
But of course, sometimes too much is never enough, go big or go home, if you're gonna be a bear be a grizzly is the order of the day. If you want the ultimate in weirdo, unearthly,"statement" plants, here's my favorite piece of garden party overkill! Ladies and gentlemen, the biggest inflourescence in the world, the mighty Amorphophallus titanum! (ANOTHER cool name! Them botanists got some sense of humor!)

Of course, a box-o-chocolates is also nice, I guess...

06 February 2011

Less-Than-Famous Phenomena

If you read this blog, odds are you're familiar with the typical manifestations of Heavy Weirdness. Stuff like UFOs, Bigfoot and other monsters/cryptids, strange things falling out of the sky or turning up in archeaological digs. But, the more I read and study this stuff, the more I find other phenomena that are a bit different from the more well-known strange events. I thought I'd bring up a few I've run across. Some of these I thought were unique the first time I read about them, but then I found similar events recounted elsewhere.


I first read about these in "Hunt For The Skinwalker". There may be other accounts, but I'd never heard of any. If you read the book, you'll remember the account of the small, glowing red ball(s) that flew around the cattle herd causing a stampede, paniced one of the rancher's horses, and pursued the observers. I remembered this when I read in "Silent Invasion" about a plum-sized green ball that flew about a group of parked cars in Pennsylvania, even going inside the ones that had open windows. So where's a skeet shooter when you need one?

"Disappearing Bigfoot"

Okay, there are more than a few accounts of this, but they aren't usually mentioned by the flesh-n-blood cryptozoology community. There are cases of BF disappearing either before the eyes of the observer or eluding searchers when there was nowhere for it to go. In "Silent Invasion", some witnesses reported BF sightings in which the creature was only visible from the waist up, and I've read accounts in which only a pair of glowing eyes was visible. (even when observed through Gen3 Night Vision Devices). There are also reports of Bigfoot being shot at close range and disappearing in a bright flash of light. The witnesses then heard the sound of something running accompanied by heavy breathing.

"Predator Camoflage"

Another popular account from Skinwalker Ranch was the team's encounter with an invisible being. The witness stated that the being itself was invisible, but there was some sort of outline, sort of a blurry area in the field of vision. Again, I thought this was another "One-Timer" as far as such things go. BUT, in Linda Godfrey's latest book "The Michigan Dogman", she relates an encounter in which a hunter encountered a creature that "was something out of a Predator movie". The witness could see a translucent form. "it looked like a hole in the woods... It was like one of those badges that show two different things if you look at them from different angles; one angle was forest, theother was this hole." Note that this encounter took place in 1977, ten years before "Predator" was released. The creature DID leave evidence of its presence in the form of trampled-down grass, and the hunter reported that it made sounds when it moved.
And yeah, he did shoot at it. It's only response was to move as if surprised, otherwise it was apparently unaffected.

"Aerial Phenomena"

Skinwalker Ranch is famous for it's "portal", an aerial phenomenon which appears to be literally a hole in the sky. The opening is only visible from a certain angle and a certain times.
In "Silent Ivasion", Stan Gordon reports that during their time there, there were frequent flashes in the sky that couldn't be attributed to lightening. There is also a UFO report that had a strange twist: "As the four of them watched, there were five sudden brilliant flashes of light about one second apart... that lit the sky like a welder's arc. Each flash came down as a ring oflight that circled the entire section of the sky''' With each flash, the ring section became larger, and became a deeper blood red.... The sky suddenly became full of small, bright silver lights that came toward the larger object which was now solid red in color. As these smaller silver lights approached the larger object, they appeared to change to red. The sight gave the observers the impression of bees going into a hive."
I wonder if the bright flashes of light signalled the opening of a portal? The witnesses said the circlular flashes formed a "tube". And what about the tiny silver lights? Well, I've got to look that up, but I read a VERY similar account from Washington State that took place in an area of Bigfoot activity.
All I can say right now is "Hmmmm..."

04 February 2011

Miss A Day, Miss A Lot...

You know how it is, you hit the 'net every day, check out your favorite sites and blogs, and nothing really catches your interest. Soon it gets kinda boring, so you "lay off" a while. Inevitably, this results in your missing something. :)
Well, just in case y'all don't follow the same blogs as I do, here's some nifty stuff:
Werewolves Of Georgia Again?
Over at his newly-named Canis Sapiens Blog, "KCreekBeast" seems to be experiencing a return of the "Beast Of Kellogg Creek". Strange sounds, a sighting, and something walking around on the roof! All I gotta say is, "Good huntin', Wolfboy! Wish I could be there!"

Mothman: He's Baaaaack! (maybe!)

Meanwhile, over at Phantoms And Monsters, Regan Lee details some accounts of a new rash of sightings of a Mothman type entity. Is MM back? Should we prepare for another disaster? (I mean aside from the freaky weather, bird, fish, and animal die-offs...).


I like Nick Redfern, really I do. The problem is we think too much alike. Whenever I discuss him, I've gotten into the habit of repeating his last name in a tone of mock hatred. Like Professor Farnsworth on Futurama does whenever he sees his "rival" Professor Wernstrom. ("WERRRRNNNSSTROMM!").
Call it a Fortean Synchronicity, a coincidence, or a blatant case of stealing my thunder, but Nick has posted a review of Stan Gordon's new book "Silent Invasion: The Pennsylvania UFO-Bigfoot Casebook". Oh well, he's got a much larger audience than I do, and the more people who read the book, the better. You can read Nick's review at his Something In The Woods blog. As for me, I'll be posting some of my own thoughts on some of the cases discussed in the book here.
That's just the nature of the Monster Hunting/Heavy Weirdness biz. Sometimes you've got a long dry spell, sometimes there's more strangeness than you can keep up with.
Wonder if we're on the verge of another flap or "window/portal" event? Guess we'll all just have to hang on and see what comes next...

02 February 2011

Windows Of Weirdness? Portals Of Paranormality? Gateways Of Great-Googly-Moogly's?

Point Pleasant area of West Virginia: November 12, 1966, to December 1967. The famous Mothman episode. Sightings of a strange flying creature with hugeglowing red eyes. UFOs, Men In Black, weird alien beings, poltergeist-like activity, and assorted Heavy Weirdness centered on a geographical area. The numerous phenomena peaked for 13 months, ceasing (or most certainly drastically curtailing) following the collapse of the Silver Bridge. Detailed in John Keel's classic "The Mothman Prophecies".

"Skinwalker Ranch", Utah: A history of UFOs, cattle mutilations, teleportations, poltergeist actitvity, sightings of strange creatures a plethora of other phenomena. Following the purchase of the ranch by NIDS (National Institute of Discovery Science) the phenomena kept up for a year or so, but has (reportedly) seriously cutrailed. (though the area and Utah in general remains a UFO/cattle mute hotspot). Detailed in the book "Hunt For The Skinwalker."

Of course there have been other areas of ongoing strange activity. The Bridgewater Triangle, the Troup-Heard Corridor, various sites in the desert Southwest to the mountains and forests of the PNW.

Now there's another place and time to add to the list. Stan Gordon's new book "Silent Invasion: The Pennsylvania Bigfoot-UFO Casebook" lists reports of Bigfoot and UFO sightings in Pennsylvania occurring from the Fall of 1973 to early 1974. In addition to Bigfoot and UFOs, there are reports of Thunderbirds, intercepted mail and disrupted communications among investigators, strange three-toed footprints, and an aerial phenomenon that brought to mind both the Skinwalker Ranch and a little-known Bigfoot incident.
I'll be going into detail on some of these events in future posts since some of them are truly "things that make you go wtf?" And discussing the similarities of the events from these differing locations.
But what really puzzles me is: Whattup with the timing? Sure, we can compare geography, geology, and histories of these areas. But I can't help but wonder if something about the time periods is some kind of factor. Why do these events seem to build, reach a climax, and then peter out? (Oh, stop it!)
I really believe their is some kind of Intelligence behind these things, and I admit I'm stymied as to it's motives or purpose.

25 January 2011

Atypical Bigfoot Sighting, Bigfoot At The Marriott

No, that's not a typo, I mean "atypical" as opposed to "typical". From the files of the BFRO comes this tale of a Bigfoot sighting at the Huntsville, AL Marriott. You heard me right, folks. Not on some lonely rural backroad, not in a remote woodland, not at an isolated mountain cabin. Nope, right off I-565, practically next door to Space Camp!
Here's BFRO's report:
Report # 25559 (Class A)
Submitted by witness on Friday, February 27, 2009.
Exec on business trip has sighting from balcony of hotel near Huntsville

YEAR: 2009

SEASON: Winter

MONTH: February

DATE: 24

STATE: Alabama

COUNTY: Madison County

LOCATION DETAILS: I was on 6th floor of Marriott Hotel facing the Rocket Center--(room 614)--creature was 30-35 yards from parking spaces where the loading docks and dumpster area is if you are facing hotel it will be the area to the left where there is a walking trail

NEAREST TOWN: Huntsville Al


OBSERVED: I was staying at the Marriott hotel 6th floor in Huntsville Alabama at the Space and Rocket Center-At 5:40am on Feb 24th 2009 I went on the balcony to drink my coffee as the room was too stuffy and hot. I was out there just thinking and staring off at the woods when something caught my eye--after refocusing on it I realized there were legs, then arms, then I could clearly make out his face. The creature stood 6-7ft tall and was staring directly back at me-it seemed to have fine hairs all over -grey color hair that got more black as the hair got closer to the skin--the tips of the hair were much lighter--the face (lips, eye lids, etc) were more of a very dark brown-it stood very erect, was very muscular, and did not seem to have the apelike protruding mouth and nose but more flat faced human like--after 30 seconds he started rocking back and forth--I then realized this was moving and could in no way be mistaken for a dear or bear or anything else--this was a fully erect apelike animal that seemed to want me see him --he was rocking back and forth from side to side. After the initial 30 seconds he rocked for about 10-12 seconds then stood and stared at me --I was on the 6th floor about 120 yards away in decent lighting due to hotel lights and street light behind loading area of hotel-he then would stare back then he would remain face forward with feet only about 2 feet apart would lean over to his left with his right arm would start pulling bark off a very large pine tree--it looked as if someone were in a sawing position--then he would stand up stare at me then rock and then pull bark--this was done in that order 3 times over a 5-6 minute period--after five minutes of re-verifying what I was looking at I felt this creature was docile and smooth moving--I decided I would try and get a closer look--as I opened the sliding glass door he stared and I stared back--I ran out of the hotel room and there was security in our hall laying the morning news at the hotel room doors--I asked him to come with me and asked for back up since he had no gun--we ran around the corner outside - as we were running I Finally got the nerves to tell them what I saw--we get to the reference points I had chosen and there were a lot of fresh bark removed from the large pine tree--I tried to pull bark from it to no avail -- it was too hard--I am 6'4" 300 lbs. I went back after 7am (light) -- I did notice what looked like scat --it took the form of explosive diarrhea and looked like a hundred birds had pooped in a small area--like in a shotgun pattern-heavy in the middle and lighter to the outside perimeter-I put a large handful in a Marriott laundry plastic bag--It looks like feces and digested berries and seeds. (It was dry although it had rained the night before) One of the Marriott employee's saw two large footprints --more like deep indention's in the pine straw--I took off my shoe and placed my foot in it and there was about a one inch area all the way around my foot in order to fill the indention--Something very heavy had to make these indention's--I tried and I am 300lbs and could not. I am 100% positive of the above discription--I watched this clearly for 5-6 minutes!

ALSO NOTICED: I did hear the bark coming off the tree when creature was pulling it off. There was a small (12-16 inch pine stick with no bark on it) he could have been using it to pull the bark off the tree--the bark on the ground was very fresh and had holes in the back of it as if beetles or grubs were living in the bark.

OTHER WITNESSES: There were 2 other Marriott employees that saw the bark missing and large foot indentions.


TIME AND CONDITIONS: It was 5:40am about 30 minutes before dawn starts to light up fast--Previous day and night was rainy-that morning it was clear and chilly- There was a parking (street) light about 25 yards directly in front of area he was standing.

ENVIRONMENT: Hotel area-with a natural walking path --small wooded area behind opens to t afield a the bottom of a small mountain--


Follow-up investigation report by BFRO Investigator Joanna Cuva:

This witness has requested to remain anonymous. He has never followed the Bigfoot phenomenon and has always felt people were more than likely misidentifying other animals in his words. His report was consistent with what he described to me over the phone. He was very excited about the whole ordeal and couldn't get over the fact that he witnessed something that is not supposed to exist. I do not feel the scat specimen was related it was very "bird like" in appearance. Unfortunately the sample was not in its original state over 2 weeks later. I was impressed that he took the time to get the sample to see if it was related. There is still an active investigation with this sighting and I will make updates accordingly.

I spoke with *** who is the second shift manager at the hotel. He said that the guest who had the sighting came down to the lobby in the early morning of Feb. 24th and asked the security guard to accompany him outside. He also asked if he had backup and a weapon, just as he said in the report above. He also verified the bark missing on the tree and the impressions. He stated that surrounding the hotel grounds are nature trails and a large deer population. He also said that it was only 100ft from the back of the hotel to the area of the sighting. He has heard of no other sightings in the area.

This sighting isn't unique in the world of monsterdom. Mystery canids, Chupacabras, and yes, Bigfoot have been reported in places where they "ain't got no business bein'". I picked this case because it's pretty recent, plus I'm familiar with the area.
So what to make of it? Of course, we could dismiss it altogether. It doesn't "fit the profile" or jibe with our notion of where Bigfoot should be seen. Either the guy's delusional, or he's just plain lying. "On to the next..." Okay, that's one approach.
Maybe the witness was the victim of a hoax? Possible, but not likely. The witness said it appeared that the "creature" wanted to be seen, not typical behaviour for a creature of such legendery elusiveness. Not to mention that even in the wee hours of the morning, this is an area with constant traffic, a rapidly responding police presence, and the hotel abuts Federal Govenment property (NOT the kind of place where one would want to be caught trespassing!) If it was a hoax, it was pretty pointless. It's not like it held any headlines or riveted the attention of the public at large or even the BF community.
So, how about the Conventional Wisdom the Bigfoot is an unknown large primate, with even a sparse breeding population, that has eluded or avoiding mainstrem science. This particular place is alongside a bust major highway, it's between to popular tourist attractions, the Hunstville Space and Rocket Center and the Huntsville Botanical Garden. The property runs to the Redstone Arsenal and US Army Missile Command. There ARE some wooded areas, but it's not exactly remote, and of course the properties owned by the military and NASA are fenced and patrolled. Is a lone Squatch or small family of BFs existing alongside this considerable human presence and still escaping detection? I suppose one could put on the tinfoil and cry out about government conspiracy and cover-ups, but do you REALLY think even the government could keep such a secret? Doubtful to say the least. (as an aside, I read an account of a hunt for Louisiana's Honey Island Swamp Monster in which the investigators mentioned large areas of the swamp were restricted, being owned and patrolled by... NASA. So hey, there you go! Remember: shiny side out!)
I know there are a few caves and caverns in the area, of course I can't say if there's any kind of extensive network that could serve as a home/breeding ground/concealed travel route for a population of big hairy apes. The whole North Alabama area features numerous known and explored caves, and certainly more that remain unexplored. Again, possible, not probable...
I realize it's not really science to use one unexplained phenomenon (the "paranormal") to explain another (Bigfoot), I can't help but go there sometimes. BF & Company supposedly don't exist, science will tell us that such things can't exist. The problem, of course, is this: People keep seeing the damned things!
BTW, the article mentions that the witness scooped some poop. It doesn't mention what happened to it, if it was ever analyzed,or any other clues to the fate of the sample, so I guess we'll never know the answer to the eternal question: "What kinda shit is THIS?"