Is there room in the Para/Crypto/Fortean world for a gun-toting, paranoid, bipolar, opinionated bastard? A lonely romantic in search of his lost soul? A knight, Samurai, gunslinger, born in the wrong century? A self-destructive, doom-driven survivor seeking redemption? A heavy drinking gonzo outlaw cryptozoologist whose ego is exceeded only by his libido?
No, there isn't. That's why I'm here...

28 April 2011

Watch The Skies!

I'll try to be brief since I need to conserve my battery. I'm in North Alabama. We had a freakish series of tornadoes yesterday and last night. After numerous trips back & forth to the shelter, I'm pleased to report that me & mine are all okay. Some folks weren't that lucky. They're talking anywhere from 3-6 days before power is restored. Gasoline is hard to find, all the stores that ARE open can't take cards, and of course the banks are closed and the atm's are down. So far everybody seems to be managing. No reports of looting, pillaging, or cannibalism yet.
I don't know if the aliens or the Cosmic Joker, or some other Intelligence is behind this or not. But, their have been a lot of mass UFO sightings across the world recently, some people say we are being prepared for a major UFO event. The weather across the South is supposed to be clear, there is very little air traffic, and if you're in a blacked-out area, you should have an unprecedented view of the night sky for the next few days. If THEY want to get our attention, this would be an ideal time to sit out under the skies and see what you can see. If nothing else, the peace, quiet, and pleasant view will be nice and relaxing in the midst of the chaos.

23 April 2011

Spidey Vs Gummerfan?

A couple of days ago I was bitten by spider. I've never been bitten by one before (not to my knowledge anyway). I knew it wasn't a black widow, but I was concerned about the possibility it may have been a brown reluse. It got me on the neck (maybe it just wanted to give me a hickey? Maybe it was a shapeshifting vampire spider?). I shook the offending arachnid out of my shirt and caught it in a water bottle. Then I went in to Google to see what I could find out. I've known some people who've had reluse bites, and they're really nasty. I saw a few images of the effects of their bites, and decided that having my neck dissolve into a nasty mess of necrotic flesh wasn't worth the risk (after all, I NEED my neck, that's where my head sits!). So, assailaint in hand, I made a trip to the ER. Fortunately, it wasn't a poisonous species. The Doc put me on some antibiotics just as a precaution.
I also haven't noticed any superpowers yet. Despite our proximity to a nuclear plant, apparently the spider wasn't radioactive. While some superpowers would come in handy for "your friendly neighborhood monster hunter", I suppose it's just as well.
I live in a rural area. (no skyscrapers to swing from, crawl on, or jump from rooftop to rooftop). To get the most from Spidey-powers, I'd have to relocate.

The costume just wouldn't cut it. That blue and the shade of red could result in my being mistaken for an Auburn fan, and I can't have that. Plus, there's no place to pack guns, ammo, knives, or other gear. My get-up would be something more along the lines of the Punisher's outfit.

"With great power comes great responsibility", not sure I'm up to that.

The Spidey-powers cause Peter Parker nothing but trouble anyway. My life's complicated enough already.

And don't female spiders bite the heads off the male after they mate? In the words of Woody Allen: "Sex and death, two things that happen once in a lifetime."
So, all in all, I guess it's no biggie that I can't wallcrawl or websling, but rest assured "true believers", I'll continue to do what I can with what I've got!

20 April 2011

Yippee-Ky-Yay, Bloodsuckers!

I've been doing some aimless driving lately. Well, not exactly "aimless", I just came to the realization one night that somewhere back in my past, I lost my soul. It's weird not having one, not feeling like a "real" person. Friedrich Nietzsche said that "He who hunts monsters must take care lest he become a monster". I'm not a monster of course, but sometimes I feel like a Zombie. Like a souless shell masquarading as a human being. So, I've been revisiting some places from my past, trying to see if I can locate & reclaim whatever it was I lost along the line.
A lot of my "road music" playlist consists of songs that tell a story. And Cowboy songs do that very well. Here's some of my faves to get myself into Cowboy/Outlaw mode:
I don't know whose idea it was for Willie Nelson and Ray Charles to do a duet, but it sure as hell worked. Seven Spanish Angels is one of my all-time favorite songs. The fact that I can NOT make it through that second verse without tearing up speaks volumes
Another great Willie Nelson duet is the classic Ballad Of Pancho & Lefty with Merle Haggard. If you really pay attention to the lyrics and read between the lines, you'll discover a really poignant aspect of the story. (and no, I ain't tellin'!)
Does it get any better than Joan Baez singing Bob Dylan? I doubt it. And I love her cover of Lily, Rosemary, and the Jack of Hearts. I stumbled upon a website and found a lot of Dylan fans posting their "interpretations" of the song. Well, folks, you're all WRONG!. It's a story, plain and simple. It's funny how some people can listen to a song and not really hear it!
Cowboys, ghosts, Hell, and the great Johnny Cash! Put 'em all together and you get Ghost Riders In The Sky, possibly the greatest cowboy song ever.
There are plenty of others, of course. "My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys", "Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys", Warren Zevon's "Ballad of Frank & Jesse James" and "Jeannie Needs A Shooter"...
If you're into Ghosts, Monster Hunting, UFO spotting, or any other aspect of Paranormal Investigation, you should bear in mind that you're a pioneer. You're staking a claim, striking out for a New Frontier, unexplored territory.. We all have a lot in common with the heroes of the American West. So, before your next adventure, while you're packing and checking your high-tech gear, don't forget to "Cowboy up" as well!

17 April 2011

Gummerfan Sees UFO

I spent part of last week "on the river" as we say around here. My dad is the manager for a private recreation area on the Tennessee River. It's a pretty sweet setup. He's retired, and now in exchange for maintenance and groundskeeping duties (which he enjoys anyway) he gets a nice little house at the river (all expenses and utilities paid) and he gets to boat, swim, & fish whenever he wants to. My folks have their camper trailer set up on site as well, with full utilities.
So, my family spent some of Spring Break staying in the camper.
I didn't see any monsters, but I did get to do some close observations of the resident cranes. Cranes are frequently scapegoated for the Mothman sightings, and based on what I've seen of them, all I can say is "no effin' way". They don't even come close to resembling the eyewitness descriptions. They MAY be misidentified in some of the "pterosaur" reports, though. In flight, their angled wings, long necks, crested heads, and long legs trailing behind do look a lot like some kind of pterosaur-like creature. Not sayin' it explains them all, but I concede that some misidentification may be responsible for some reports.
Now, about that UFO: One clear night I went outside for a smoke ("NO smoking in the camper!", I'm reminded every time I go outthere!). So, I'm outside looking up at the night sky. The sighting wasn't anything dramatic, no pics or video, or even a real description. I caught sight of a small light at what appeared to be high altitude. It was moving incredibly fast across the sky. It wasn't a meteor. I'veseen plenty of those. I thought it may have been a satellite at first, then (as if it knew what I was thinking and wanted to mess with me!) it performed a couple of rapid zigzag maneuvers before zipping out of sight. So, no, it wasn't a satellite, it wasn't a plane, it wasn't anything natural. The whole sighting only lasted a few seconds, and if I weren't a compulsive sky-watcher I never would have even noticed it.
What was it? I don't know. That's what the "U" stands for, right?

FBI Files On Cattle Mutilations...

Thanks to Regan Lee at Animal Forteana for turning me onto this! Here's some newly released FBI files on the investigation of cattle abductions and mutilations. Freaky, huh?

06 April 2011

Blog Plug!

Just wanna give a heads-up to a new blog. Check out Sarah LaBrie's Ghost Chicks blog. Ghosts? Chicks? Aliens? Count ME in!

05 April 2011

Sex And Monsters

Today I found this fascinating post by Micah Hanks about two subjects near and dear to my heart. Namely, sex and monsters! (it also talks about portals or vortices, so make that three subjects!).
I've read numerous accounts of monster sightings by people who were engaged in extracurricular amorous activity at the time. From the well-known Mothman and Goatman to the various urban legends about escaped mental patients and hook-handed murderers. I've got a story in my files from Southeast Alabama about a Bigfoot sighting by a man and woman who wish to remain anonymous due to the fact that they're married, but not not to each other if you know what I mean. I've read tales of witnesses to UFO phenomena while likewise "engaged" as well. I wonder if the Intelligence behind some of these encounters has a twisted sense of humor? Or maybe interdimensional blackmail is part of the agenda? Granted, some of the Lover's Lane legends are nothing more than apocryphal tales passed down to keep hormonally charged yutes in line. It's also possible that less than chvalrous males may spread the story instill a little extra incentive to the "put out or get out" ploy.
One things for sure, secluded spots, heavy horniness, and high strangeness seem to hand in hand.
I firmly feel this is worthy of some in-depth research, some major probing, and perhaps a few nights spent exploring the bush.
All in the name of discovery, of course.

03 April 2011

Dragon In Alabama?

A reader recently commented on one of my older posts about the strangeness associated with the Sand Mountain region. This is a new one on me, and since it's an older post I thought I'd pass along his comment:
"I found this site while searching for anything online about the Sand Mountain Monster. About every three years, there is a report somewhere around Fyffe or Geraldine that a huge dragon-type animal was spotted swallowing a cow before disappearing back into the caves. If you search long enough through the local papers, you are bound to run across at least one reference. It appears to be like the Loch Ness monster--those who live nearby take it for granted."

Pretty interesting, huh? I found it kind of intriguing that the poster mentioned Fyffe. Fyffe is famous for ite UFO flap and was one of the celebrated locations for the cattle mutilation phenomenon. It's a fact that large reptiles (like big snakes, alligators and crocs) can consume a large meal and then go into kind of a stupor while digesting the meal. The pattern of consuming a cow, then retreating into the coolness of the caves for a long period is consistent with known reptile behaviour.
One thing's for certain, between the cattle mutilations and a hungry dragon, it's tough to be a cow on Sand Mountain!

01 April 2011

Destination Truth: Did Josh Get Djinned Up?

One of the challenges facing researchers into the unknown is determinig just what exactly you're up against. Ghost? Demon? Alien? Cryptid?
If you're a regular reader, you know that I have a "thing" for Djinn (and gin as well, but I digress). I've just finished reading "The Vengeful Djinn", a great book by paranormal researchers Rosemary Ellen Guiley and Philip J. Imbrogno. The book uses lore from the Qur'an, various religious and folkloric texts, and interviews with witnesses to paint a picture of these mysterious entities. In some of his other works, Imbrogno has theorized that the Djinn may well be living, intelligent creatures formed from plasma. He argues a good case that the Djinn are actually behind a number of paranormal phenomena, ranging from UFOs/aliens, to Bigfoot/cryptids and even hauntings.
I caught part of Destination Truth the other night. In the episode, the team explored the desert ghost town of Kolmanskop. The town was reputed to be haunted by the ghosts of the miners who died there. I'm not so convinced that that's the case. I'd bet dollars to donuts that the paranormal activity there is the result of a resident Djinn. Follow:
The Djinn are desert dwellers. The Qur'an and other Muslim texts relate that the evil Djinn are banished to "the desert places". While Djinn are reputed to dwell in caves, caverns, wells, and other natural shelters, they demonstrate a preference for abandoned buildings and homes. An abandoned town, in the process of being swallowed up by the desert, is an IDEAL homestead for Djinns. And when Djinn move in, they don't like to move out. The fact that the majority of events took place in the butcher shop is another clue. The Djinn have a propensity for hanging around in "unclean" places.(as an aside, vampires and other negative entities have a long folkloric tradition of lurking in outhouses and cessponds. Try telling a "Twilight" groupie that a vampire is more likely to be found in a toilet than a blood bank!) A building where flesh was chopped and blood was shed would certainly fall into that category.(considering that the town was founded by Germans and that pork and "unclean" meat was processed in the shop adds even more to the possibility).
The Qur'an also states that Djinn quite literally "whisper in man's ear". EVPs? HELLO! Another aspect of the Djinn's nature is that they can cause illness. Being non-corporeal, Djinn can enter the body through orifices or even pores and cause pain and discomfort (including nosebleeds and breathing difficulties no doubt!)
And one argument against the ghost/haunting theory is: while life and death in the mining town was certainly tough, what with the unbearable heat and inherent dangers of working the mine, we're NOT talking about a particular hellhole. Life and death in a mining town don't really compare to say, a prison, hospital, TB sanitarium, mental asylum, or any of the other more notorious sites for a haunting.
I'm convinced that in this case, we're not talking ghosts. Man moved out, Djinn moved in!